I'll Trade You These Tears / I Won't Go Solo on You Lyrics by John Roberts, Megan Mullally, Eugene Mirman, Dan Mintz, Rich Fulcher, & Bob's Burgers

[Linda:]
Psst! Hey! Stage girl!
[Tina:]
Yes?
[Linda:]
I need you to put a rattlesnake into someone's guitar for me.
[Tina:]
Yes, ma'am.

[Linda:]
I'll trade you these tears for a couple of beers and this snot for a shot of whiskey
You can kiss on these lips for a couple of sips, but do not get too frisky

[Thanks to nehor90210, sophiamysticburgess for correcting these lyrics]