Ronoc 'N' Roll - A Reptile Dysfunction Lyrics

I own two birds who love to sing
A fish that can hop through a little ring
Three dogs, all of which vary in size
My old dog Bowie's got different colored eyes
I love cats but I'm allergic
So I only own four cuz the sneezing is worth it
There's one glaring issue 'bout the snake I bough
He won't slither or do any snaky things; I got

A reptile dysfunction, my snake won't move or nothing
A reptile dysfunction, even though I'm giving him most of my loving

I went to the pet shop to get an answer
Or at least some help and they said "we can't sir"
Bought toys and treats for hundreds of bucks
Anything I could do to cheer him up
Tried to get him to play with his field mouse friends
He just sat there and didn't eat any of them
Nothing worked so we went the place we hadn't yet
Got him in his cage in the car and drove him to the vet

A reptile dysfunction, my snake won't move for nothing
A reptile dysfunction, even when I give him a special head rubbing

When I met with the vet he gave my pet a set of medications
He said to me "there's nothing else I can do"
My face turned red cuz I'm already in debt from spending on pills and treatments
Although I'm fed up I still fed the meds to

My slithery, scaly, reptilian child
But nothing changed, not his demeanor or style
He's limp in the grass, we're down in the yard
And on top of all this... My penis won't get hard

A reptile dysfunction, my snake won't move or nothing
A reptile dysfunction, even though I'm giving him most of my loving
A reptile dysfunction, my snake won't move for nothing
A reptile dysfunction, even though I'm giving him most of my loving

My snake won't do any snaky things
He won't slither or hiss and on top of all this
My penis won't get hard