How To Raise A Child Lyrics - Seussical Soundtrack

MRS. MAYOR
He was Mommy's little boy.

MR. MAYOR
He was Daddy's little man.

BOTH
He was never any trouble till this...
"Thinking Thing" began!

MR. MAYOR
We must both lay down the law.

MRS. MAYOR
Will he hate us?

MR. MAYOR
Maybe so.

MAYOR & MRS. MAYOR
Oh, where are the instructions
On how to raise a child?
Who has the instructions
On how to raise a child?
Who has all the answers?
I don't know.

(The CAT pops up and hands them a brochure.)

MRS. MAYOR (Reading)
Does your child give you troubles?
Do his grades keep on shrinking?

MR. MAYOR (Reading)
Does he drive teachers wild
With his uncontrolled thinking?

MR. & MRS. MAYOR (Reading)
As a parent, are you
Overwhelmed? Insecure?
The help that you seek
Is inside this brochure!

(An alarm clock goes off, loudly. JOJO's parents put on big, cheerful smiles and wake him)

MAYOR
It's nine, son.
Rise and shine, son,
It's a very special day!

MRS. MAYOR
Get dressed, dear.
Look your best, dear.
Soon you will be on your way.

MAYOR
Now, here is your pencil.


MRS. MAYOR
Here are your mittens.

MAYOR & MRS. MAYOR
Here is your sword --

JOJO
My...sword?

(The CAT IN THE HAT blows a fanfare as
GENERAL GENGHIS KAHN SCHMITZ arrives grandly.)

SCHMITZ
I'm General Genghis Kahn Schmitz.
I scare children out of their wits.
But you'll see at a glance, sir,
My school is the answer
For shirkers and dreamers and twits...
And in this case, I'd say the shoe fits!

Ten hut! Feet together. Chin up. Eyes on the prize, forward ... Harch!

(JOJO begins to march in place.)