440morningstar - 12/22/18 Lyrics

As I look to the past let it teach me like math
Let it show me where I'm at
Let it show me how I'm doing
As I look to the present
I remember, stay present
Always worried bout my presence
Always worried bout my essence
As I look to the future
Life's a drug and I abuse her
I'm a mover
I'm a user
Always thinking how to act
Am I wack?
Do I lack?
Pat myself on the back
Know It's gonna get better
So I write myself this letter

Uh, what's gonna get better than this?
I'm living in hell man where's the heaven in this?
I been way too distant from my family, shit
Been raised by the music so I haven't felt shit
Always plugged in
Never feeling nothing
Only hear the songs and the tunes
And the beats in my room
Only know, only know, only know one thing
This a dream and I know it's gon be hard to make it real
That's the thing
I been sacrificing all my family time
For my friends and my girl
Even though they stay my world
And the flows and my songs
I admit it, I was wrong
It's a hard time
Barely working part time
Barely paying for my phone
I been feeling so alone
Needing more money for a microphone
Needing more money for myself and my girl and my health
That's a problem cause I don't
Want my mental to rely on no material wealth

Sometimes it's hard to stay motivated enough to do this shit.
Cause I get so lost in my head and depressed
To the point where I have no motivation to do anything
Even music.
And it's scary because music is what motivates me
But how can I motivate myself to do the one thing that motivates me?
It's a f*cking paradox a swear

As I look to the past let it teach me like math
Let it show me where I'm at
Let it show me how I'm doing
As I look to the present
I remember, stay present
Always worried bout my presence
Always worried bout my essence
As I look to the future
Life's a drug and I abuse her
I'm a mover
I'm a user
Always thinking how to act
Am I wack?
Do I lack?
Pat myself on the back
Know It's gonna get better
So I write myself this letter

Yeah, what's gonna get better than this?
I'm living like a zombie where's the treasure in this?
I been trapped in my mind
Closed doors shut blinds
It's been dark in my heart
But I can't restart
So I write a little, run a little, lift a little
Then it's right back to the pain
Gotta spill a little
Open up the vein
No these aint no f*cking games
This some real life shit
And I'm sorry to my family if you're f*cking hearing this
But I just can't take it
I know I been patient
Everytime we have a problem we always change it
I love each and every one of you to the grave
But this stress is gonna make me go insane
Want a bullet in my brain
Then I stop
And I think
This just isn't what I need
I need you
You need me
So I'm living for you
And y'all are living for me
And I'm loving for you
And y'all are loving for me, yeah

Oh I want y'all to know this, yeah
Y'all need to know that I'm broken
I been feeling so hopeless, yeah
I could go at any moment