Adam Sandler - Tollbooth Willie Lyrics

[Car approaches]

[Toll Booth Willie:] "Welcome to Worchester. Dollar twenty-five please."

[M1:] "Hey, how ya doin' Toll Booth Willie?"

[Toll Booth Willie:] "Good! Thanks fer askin, pop!"

[M1:] "Aww, that's great, you know, considering yer a f*ckin' idiot!"

[Pays toll and drives off]

[Toll Booth Willie:] "Go f*ck yourself you son of a bitch!

I'll come right outta the booth and f*ckin' whack ya, you f*ckin' prick!"



[Another car approaches]

[M2:] "Hey, hey, Willie! Hows it going?"

[Toll Booth Willie:] "Hey, can't complain, pop. Hows 'bout you?"

[M2:] "Oh, great, great. How much?"

[Toll Booth Willie:] "The state charges a dollar twenty-five, pop."

[M2:] "That's fine. Now should I give you the money,

or should I shove the quarters directly up your fat ass!?"

[Pays toll and drives off]

[Toll Booth Willie:] "Why you f*ckin' hard on!

I'll f*cking Carlton Fisk yer f*ckin' head with a Louise-ville f*ckin' slugger!

Whadya think of that ass f*ck!?"



[Another car approaches]

[F1:] "Hi Willie."

[Toll Booth Willie:] "Oh, nice to see ya M'am. Not a bad day, huh?"

[F1:] "Well, I'm a little lost. Could you help me out?

I hear your the best with directions."

[Toll Booth Willie:] "Well I know my way around New England.

I can tell ya that much. So where ya headed?"

[F1:] "Well, I was just wondering exactly which is the best way

to drive up your ass. You know, if you'd tell me,

I'd appreciate it, you f*ckin' prick."

[Drives off]

[Toll Booth Willie:] "You f*ckin' bitch! F*ck you!

You forgot to pay the f*ckin' toll you dirty whore!

I'll f*ckin' drop you with a boot to the f*ckin' skull you cum guzzling queen!"



[Another car approaches]

[M3:] "Hey Willie."

[Toll Booth Willie:] "Hey, how are ya?"

[M3:] "Here's a dollar twenty-five, and go f*ck yourself."

[Pays toll and drives off]

[Toll Booth Willie:] "Dah, you f*ckin' prick!

I hope you choke on a f*ckin' bottle cap, ya f*ckin' son of a f*ck!

Eat shit! Eat my shit!"



[Another car approaches]

[Bishop Nelson:] "Hello Willie. Good to see you."

[Toll Booth Willie:] "Ahhh, Bishop Nelson. Nice to see ya.

That was quite a sermon you had the other day."

[Bishop Nelson:] "Hey, well I do my best."

[Toll Booth Willie:] "Dollar twenty-five, Bishop."

[Bishop Nelson:] "Dollar twenty-five,

Willie. Isn't that the same price your mother charges for a blow job,

you piece of dog shit!?"

[Pays toll and drives off]

[Toll Booth Willie:] "Ohhh! Have another one, you f*ckin' lush!

It's not my fault the bartender cut ya off last night ya f*ckin' douche bag!"



[Another car approaches]

[M5:] "Hey!"

[Toll Booth Willie:] "Well hey!"

[M5:] "Yeah, do you want the money,

or should I just shove the quarters directly up your fat ass!?"

[Pays toll and drives off]

[Toll Booth Willie:] "Well, I already heard that one you f*ckin' unoriginal bastard!

Go suck a corn you f*ckin' piece of repeatin' shit!"



[Another car approaches]

[F2:] "Hi."

[Toll Booth Willie:] "Oh, hi. How are ya?"

[F2:] "Fine, thank you. How much is the toll please?"

[Toll Booth Willie:]"For you sweetheart, it's a dollar twenty-five."

[F2:] "Here ya go."

[Pays toll]

[F2:] "Thank you."

[Begins to drive off]

[Toll Booth Willie:] "Hey! Hey! Honey! Would you like a receipt with that?"

[F2:] "Oh, I almost forgot. Thank you so much."

[Toll Booth Willie scribbling a receipt for her]

[Toll Booth Willie:] "And here ya are."

[F2:] "Umm, do you think you could sign it?"

[Toll Booth Willie:] "Oh, uh.. sign it?"

[F2:] "Yeah, sign Toll Booth Willie was here."

[Toll Booth Willie:] "Ok, sure. Uhh, by the way, what is this for?"

[Signing receipt]

[F2:] "Just so I could have proof for my friends that

I met the biggest f*ckin' dip shit with the smallest dick alive.

You understand."

[Drives off]

[Crumples up paper]

[Toll Booth Willie:] "F*ck you, you f*ckin' upity bitch!

I'll f*ckin' f*ck you and all your lesbian fish-eating friends in front

of your f*ckin' mothers! You're gonna die, bitch! I'm comin' outta the booth!"

[Opens the door and runs out of the booth]



[Car screeches and hits him]

[Toll Booth Willie:] "Ooooh! My f*ckin' leg!"

[M6:] "Hey! You ran over Toll Booth Willie!"

[M7:] "Oh my God! I was always wondering what it would be like to run over a

dried up stinky dick licker."

[Toll Booth Willie:] "Why you f*ckin' pricks.

I f*ckin' hear every f*ckin' word yer saying!

When this f*ckin' leg heals,

I'm gonna kick you guys new f*ckin' assholes!



[Everyone cussing eachother out]