[ Featuring Mathias Kom ]
Everything for Everyone
On the back of the bathroom door that's my university degree
I've been hunting for a job but they seem less than plentiful
At least I found an apartment in an up-and-coming neighbourhood
And I moved in with a newly-single young professional
My name is Kirsten, I'm a coder, I've just evicted a freeloader:
Marcus, my ex-boyfriend, an armchair endocrinologist
He always finished my sentences and he rarely did the dishes
Told me men's hormonal systems make them non-monogamous
One Thursday afternoon I was on the sofa eating Lucky Charms
Updating my LinkedIn profile, emailing my parents
When my roommate burst in cursing like a sailor in a cyclone
I knew something was the matter, Kirsten wasn't super into swearing
Hey what the frig are you doing updating your LinkedIn profile?
The tide is high, the end is nigh, the apocalypse is imminent!
I raced to the window, looked down into the street
My breath left me like a vacuum, I wasn't sure what I was witnessing
Down on the pavement a crowd of people were just lying there
It was like that Radiohead video circa 1995 or thereabouts
But unlike the music video everybody was wearing their pyjamas
Some were silk and some had penguins on them and everybody was camping out
There was our neighbour Mr. Baker rolling out a camo sleeping bag
And Cheryl from the health food store who claimed everything was a carcinogen
There was James the neighbourhood watch captain snuggled up with Jim, the gym teacher
Jim and James were well-respected for their volunteer work with senior citizens
There was Mrs. Miller, the florist, with floral pillows and a duvet
And Carl the concrete caster with his sleep apnea machine
The elderly twins who ran the laundromat, the guy who drove the school bus
And the lady from the grocery store with the tan like a Christmas tangerine
I turned around and asked hey, what's the big emergency?
Looks like the neighbourhood just got together to have a public nap
And while I must admit it's strange to see the mayor in his jammies
Everybody looks tired and happy and I can't see anything wrong with that
Then Kirsten spoke to me, slowly, like you might speak to a spaniel
Obviously there's been some sort of societal cataclysm
Today the government announced there's no new work for anyone anywhere
And the government itself is now a simple algorithm
I said Kirsten, hakuna matata, we ought to get our slippers
So we threw on a couple old kimonos and got in the elevator
And we lay down on the pavement and it was warm and it was wonderful
It felt good to be surrounded by so many interesting neighbours
The sun was sliding down the sides of buildings like marmalade on a crumpet
And most of us were yawning and couldn't help but close our eyes
As the evening pulled over us like a cozy crocheted afghan
We sang ourselves this public lullaby:
Before the earth is swallowed by the sun,
All we want is everything for everyone.
