Hopeless. Empty. Lonely. Painful. Video (MV)

I've had a noose in the back of my car for about three years
It's a just in case, a permanent band aid, should I need it
And I need it

I think I might hate my doctor
Cause I don't think the drugs ever worked
Did I jump through all those God damn hoops to repeat it?
Or to treat it?

I go to this appointment
And take another pill, taking all your pills
I try another treatment
Yeah, I'm telling you this kind of ill is forever
So, I don't want to be alright I want to die

This isn't me just giving up
This is me knowing when enough is enough
And you can call me a coward for calling it quits
Bet you don't know what it's like to be this over it
This isn't me just giving up
This is me knowing when enough is enough
I want to scream
I want to cry
I don't want to be alright I want to die

You know I'm fully aware I screw it all myself
Burning bridge after bridge like nobody else
There's a self-destructive, suicidal arsonist in me
Don't love me, I'll just push you away
I'll miss you tomorrow, but I'll hate you today
There's a self-destructive, suicidal narcissist in me
And I don't want to be like this anymore
I don't want to feel like this anymore
So, I won't
That's why that noose is in my car
You can't make me stay for the guilt anymore
I don't want to be alright I want to die