EXP - Just Want Some Food (Non-Explicit Swearjar Version) Lyrics

I was an active child
I didn't run the fastest mile
But went to basketball practice while
I grew up: when school finishes I walked home with fish and chips
Then had my tea, was still thin as s**t
All the chocolates at Christmases: nothing
My Dad said it wouldn't last and he wasn't bluffing
By the time I was 20 I was putting on stuffing
Over 30 now and I'm battling the muffins
Two on the side of me, one by the side of me
Look at the sight of me, looks like I might have been
Forced... at gun point... to eat loads
I look at stuff I used to eat and put on kilos
So I aim to exercise, cardio, breathing
If I've sat through the day then I'll start in the evening
Sometimes, just getting off my arse is achievement
No matter what I'm doing, I'd rather be eating

I try to ignore it - think of summat to do
But at the end of the day I just want some food
Try to suppress it, have a drink of my juice
Dehrydrated or do I... just want some food?
Beef done to blue, beans, buns and soup
Greased onion loops, cheese, mutton stew
These crumbs'll do... I just want some food

I'm not a weight watcher I enjoy the sins
And I'm too skint to ever join a gym
Cos once they got your cash you can avoid 'em then
Lose pounds while gaining them, annoying innit?
Flippin' metabolism
When I was a kid, all the fat went missing
Now I can collect it in a standard sitting
And have to work it off with some exercise
Apparently running is the best for time
Half hour, 500 calories, you make up after
That's the equivalent of four bacon rashers
Bread takes you past that as you make a sandwich
And that's just a snack before the main attraction
Considered trying to suppress my appetite
And not eat anything after nine
But so far... I never last the night
Wake up dreaming of eating my ba--ard wife!

I try to ignore it - think of summat to do
But at the end of the day I just want some food
Try to suppress it, have a drink of my juice
Dehydrated or do I... just want some food?
Pizzas for two, each one for you
Peas someone grew, I need something soon
These crumbs'll do... I just want some food

I guess the moral of the story is you're not alone if you're the kid
Who stuffs their face in boredom then rings up and places orders
For a couple plates of korma and some butter based tandoori
With a bunch of mates who sort of, don't quite, finish all their plate
So you look at them all awkward cos you're not too full to force some
Extra curry down your jaws and rub your tummy say it's awesome
Call a guy and maybe score some, roll a blunt and share a portion
Then get up and take a short run to the Co-Op for some cake
Cos cake, is the best thing on the planet
And I make a mean lemon drizzle goddamnit
This is a piece of white chocolate that I didn't deserve
That pain during exercise drives me flippin' berserk
I've been playing 5-a-side and I've bin on a bike
Go for a run twice, even indoor climb
Give it a go though I'm s--te cos despite my height
I have trouble lifting one body plus all the pies

I try to ignore it - think of summat to do
But at the end of the day I just want some food
Try to suppress it, have a drink of my juice
Dehydrated or do I... just want some food?
I need some to chew, sheep: lambs or ewes
In leaves of bamboo, cheap Asda choux
These crumbs'll do...I just want some food