EXP - Stick in the Mud (Non-Explicit Swearjar Version) Lyrics

When I die I want everybody to go for a drink
And leave cos it's pricey and the music is s**t
King Antisocial not born for the nightlife
I'm slippers and pipe after dinner and wine with my wife
And nobody else
Here's some advice, I hope that it helps
People are arseholes, I know I can tell
Out on a Friday night, or at home by yourself
But for me, I'd rather watch the British women swimming team
Than sit in a pinkish limousine on my way to a flippin' "Cream"
For a dance and a rave
"Where'd you meet your missus?" I was dancing away
But that was different, that was back in the day
Now I'm older and I'm grumpy and I'm stuck in my ways
"Dunt your missus like to danc"
Stop interrupting me mate
I'm trying to make a point about how it's rubbish to rave
How it's rubbish to pay, a couple hundred for a
Glass of summat you coulda made from your cupboard today
Then you can shout at your mates over loud s**t songs
And have a dance with your dignity... oh it's gone
Shame for you, it's not a shame for me
Not saving up to kill my liver for a daily fee
But with each chosen night that I don't go to I
Can't complain if I've got no social life

Stick in the Mud, it is so good
To never go out for a drink to a club
Stick in the Mud, it is so good
To never go out on the piss to a pub

So I feel I've got no mates left
I may as well up sticks and head stage left
Jump on the M62 head straight west
Get a bigger house, make a great nest
But the reason I'm feeling there's nobody left
I'm the antisocial one who's stubborn as heck
And hasn't been out for a pint for a while
Without a frown, or pout but a smile
Ready to spout all types of denial
About how I'm sound and my life int a pile
Of steaming dog turd without seeming awkward
Don't generally speak how you feel in Yorkshire
Stiff upper lip with a zip
But getting pissed quickly unzips
Soon you're telling your mates missus she's s**t
And isn't good enough for him, like you think she's a bitch
Wake up the next day, brain in a messed state
Wait, did I just say I hated my good mates lass?
Didn't mean that
Can I take it back?
Damage kinda done
Feelin like a t**t
Cheers alcohol you're the best
Now I'm in a whole other mess
This is why I don't go for a Becks
And just stay inside with smoke in my chest
Feeling old and depressed

Stick in the Mud, it is so good
To never go out for a drink to a club
Stick in the Mud, it is so good
To never go out on the piss to a pub

When you leave without saying "bye" it's called a "French Exit"
When you put idiots in charge you get Brexit
When you give lads booze you get sexists
Is there a girl over 18 that hasn't been molested?
By a guy, getting touchy and feely
Trying to justify he was drunk, was he really?
Or does every man just love to reveal he
Is a mammal that requires rape just to feel he
Passed, his sperm down the line
The world is designed to further his climb
To the top - adverts are so posed
Hip-hop with endless reference to "those hoes"
The idea a woman can look so-so
And isn't worth your time and effort with those clothes
Get the new "this" and please pay for "that"
Face up facts, it's the makeup mask that'll make those lads undertake
That age old task
Find your inner Kate Moss that's
Just what we all want
Add personality... it's just as important
But said that - just cos we all nod
But deep down we lust for a jaw drop
Or a heart throb, or a super model
But you won't find love in your two McDonalds
I'm not out doing battle on Tinder and stuff
Perhaps if I hadn't bumped into my love
And that's why our social life int up to much
We're in, just a couple of sticks in the mud

Stick in the Mud, it is so good
To never go out for a drink to a club
Stick in the Mud, it is so good
To never go out on the piss to a pub