Grey Smith - With the Fear That Taught Me Lyrics

I remember being young and head strong
All the questions that I thought I knew the answers to
Damn it, you
I guess I guessed wrong
Like every shitty bag of dope I ever shot
Was stepped on
I'll disappear before my peak
Like Jay Electron

When I was sleeping on the train
Sleeping on a box in a tunnel under the parkway
Tryna stay out of the rain
I used to get dizzy spells
Hear a little ring
The voice of a demon
Soundin like me and calling my name, like

How the f*ck did I get here again?...
Pawnin all my gear again
January 1st sayin that this'll be my year again

Yeah the f*ck right man
Who are you kidding?...
They told your dumb ass to turn around, but
You wouldn't listen

Lately I've been on the road
Trying to get a job and
Keep my daughter in some clothes
Single father life
That's just the way it goes, but
The artist always calls me and it
Haunts me like a ghost

It's kinda crazy
The writing late and the diaper changing, or
Trying to keep a steady hand when your whole life is shaky
School at home, then
School in philly on the weekend
I choke up on the road
I've been swimming in the deep end

Like I don't lose sleep at night
Like I'm not losing my grip
Like I don't struggle with self doubt
Like my music is shit
Like I didn't fight through the fear for years to get this record done
I did this shit myself, Bitch
I have never needed anyone

Don't let me die a never was
Please just keep your f*ckin hands on me
Everything I ran from is catching up
I lost my way home
You laid low and
Let me run, now
Help me leave some kind of mark
Before it's said and done

Don't let me find salvation at the end of a gun
Please don't make me meet
The man that I was meant to become
I've said enough
These are some notes about the things
I wanted you to know
I'll sing my f*ckin self home
Just play this at my funeral
Found your way
Home

I remember the
Frozen steps and the
Cold stares
The Methadone
My breath in the cold air
Being dope sick in a cell
Holdin my head up with both hands, and
The frail ones
Afraid, but they played it off
Acting brave til a
Blade gets stuck in their head like
Their favorite song

The eulogies
The walking dead
Forgetting what they used to be
Dying to live a life on the other side of
A losing streak
The lay-offs
The cold shoulders
The rosaries
The weak ones
Another 10 year old got a sentence but
Couldn't read one

Dad left to be an astronaut
He got lost somewhere in outer space
He vanished
Without a trace
He just
Couldn't stick around to watch him grow up
He bought him a gun, then
Blew his f*cking thoughts in the sun
Daydreamer

Everything was all good just a week ago
It's unbelievable how
People come, and
People go
Chase their dreams and
They stop breathing from a lethal dose and
They dispose the needles, and just
Leave you in the freezing cold

Betrayal
I had to learn to live with the shit or
Pull the knife out my back and just
Cut my wrist with the shit
Should I carve you out my heart for all that shit that you did? or
Should I just close up the scar and then forgive and forget

What's the difference in
Love and
Drugs
Pain
Breakdowns
Breakthroughs
When I hate you, but
Not giving on up us until it's done
What's commitment if the minute it gets tough
You run?

You told me
Stop wishin
The clocks tickin
You're not
Missing your shot
You're not quitting
It's God given
You're not givin up
If shit is tough then
I will walk with you
I'll be sleeping on the floor in the studio until
The songs finished
I can't live in this world
Forgive me
I forgot to pray
Oh my Lord
They should've killed me when I
Lost my faith
When all the shame from when
I just wanted to walk away
Is on my face
I wonder what God will say when he
Calls my name

Breathe in
The feelings
Leaving
No, we don't believe in
Feelings
Breathe in

Found your way
Home

It all comes down