Illwords - Grenades Lyrics

My whole life has been a fight I'm constantly losing
Love hate relationship, some say it's abusive
My conclusion is I have to live more conducive
And ruthless according to careers I'm pursuing

I'm a failure sometimes I feel like I don't belong here
People take you at your word, actions are insincere
To be clear, I won't adhere to the populous
I can't change the world around me so I'm stuck in Providence
The pressure keeps building, I start to inhale
I'm never gonna make it, just accept it - you failed
This is my breath, so when I feel these chest pains
I can't escape... than I blow up like grenades
My egos inflated, sense of self gets absorbed
I've done shows in New York but I've never really toured
I can't afford to go out on a limb just yet
I'd rather blame pay to play for my lack of success

Great connections take kinetic energy but I sit
Listening to time's echo boom with each tick
Running out like hourglasses sands pour and drift
With each turn and twist, another paradigm shift
Gloves equipped to hands only war entertained
Salted taste, a veteran recognizing his fate
Completely fazed, memory haze unerased
Blinded, crazed, blowing up like grenades
Exposing my bitter face while bridges disintegrate
Bad habits rarely change, mistakes forever remain
Subdued, let loose through grooves I stepped to
But finding new reasons to doubt my chess moves

And it's hard to acknowledge my lack of progress
I'm a rapper that pretends to be socially conscious
Selling music online for insufficient funds
Constantly obsessing over things I haven't done
This is too much, I can't take it anymore
I'm never gonna change, I'm the same as before
Feeling drained... that my writing doesn't resonate
Set to detonate and I blow up like grenades
Music is a lifestyle... I don't wanna live it
Because I have no fans and I'm my toughest critic
I crave success to replace feeling confined
Sadly the goals I set... are the ones I set aside

I've made miscalculations of how life's supposed to go
Fanbase grown, spotlights, headline shows
Major sales, flashes, sunglasses status
Pathless without action... why it hasn't happened
I haven't conformed to how business cascades
Falling into last place, it's all fast paced
My worth trades like words exchanged on stage
Take pressure off and I'll blow up like grenades
Demonstrating charm and wit, accompanied with
Honesty, grit, honestly it's honed my sales pitch
My rhyming niche, cuts costs, split prints
Problem is wealthy hearts won't displace pocket lint

Look into my eyes, tell me what you're seeing
If you go deep inside, you'll hear I'm still screaming
That's why I keep going, hoping to make peace
Don't hold onto something you intend to release

Every hand I shake no longer holds weight
And I wait for reimbursement every price I've paid
No one trusts the business deals I've made
Yet anticipate... I'll blow up like grenades