Izzythedestryr - Asshole Lyrics

Tell the truth
I'm dealing with the discourse
Of course
Here's the proof
Im always on the edge
In my head
Sitting in my room
Then I had an epiphany
I was getting high bc what life had
Did to me
And all the shit I did in response
I let it get to me
Constantly reliving my
Dark thoughts and history
Always pass the buck
Place the blame on another
Well the buck stops here for my
Child and his mother
This is: 6 years of pain and discovery
I was being buried in the dirt in recovery
Dealing with fear bc mortality
A factor
I would wear a mask to distract
My detractors
More or less an actor or sort
But the soul was in court
And facing satan, become impatient
With every retort
And I offer no excuses often finding them
As useless cuz the truth is the reality
I wanna abort

Asking all these questions of myself
Of myself
Just how many seconds have I stole?
Have I stole?
Asking all the these questions of myself
Of myself
Did I defy fate and lose control?
F*ck it
I'm just an asshole
Asshole
I'm just an asshole
Asshole
I'm just an asshole
Asshole
I would push people away
While my mental would just decay
And it look like a normal day
But its all the same
Its all the same
Asshole
But its all the same to an asshole

I let the darkness consume
Because it felt like the womb
And being born again was worn again
I need to resume
Calling on God i really need my father
But I don't really wanna be a bother
I'm a westside scholar
Los Anderson raised me
Crazy kid in a quiet town
The noise in my head
The fears being fed
So quiet down
Everybody do they best down here
But satan holding all my people in fear
And it ain't no tears
I'm not a victim I was victimized
Tell it by the symptoms this the sickness
Where the system lies
And I refuse, to let the learned behavior
Lead me to a grave where my ancestors slaved when I know that I got a savior
This is: 24 years of lies and 6 later
Sitting in my room I cried and felt safer
Parallel to when I contemplated suicide
My programming was being broken
And these the words that were spoken

Asking all these questions of myself
Of myself
Just how many seconds have I stole?
Have I stole?
Asking all the these questions of myself
Of myself
Did I defy fate and lose control?
F*ck it
I'm just an asshole
Asshole
I'm just an asshole
Asshole
I'm just an asshole
Asshole
I would push people away
While my mental would just decay
And it look like a normal day
But its all the same
Its all the same
Asshole
But its all the same to an asshole

This is the truth. I let my life coast out of
Fear.
That if I ever took control the devil would reappear.
And my near death experience instilled a new terror
Tried to drown it out with mary was evidently an error
Juanita was all my lust and sleep paralysis
Persist
I ignored all my issues cuz the ignorance is bliss
Just like I cried with that knife
I would cry with that blunt
Bc I lied to myself
The problems I don't confront
I'm just an...

Asshole
I would push people away
While my mental would just decay
And it look like a normal day
But its all the same
Its all the same
Asshole
But its all the same to an asshole