Missing My Old Life Video (MV)

Nowadays I sit around feeling out of touch
Because after the tragedy I lost so much (Yah)
My life was going up and happiness was around
But once things got settled I knew it would fall down
I had so much passion it gave me so much pleasure
That I didn't have to deal with nonsense and pressure (I didn't)
The contents of life to me was all treasure
But the love I had was much more and it was special (It was)
However (Huh?), y'all know how love goes
When the people you love turn into your foes
They say they there for you they say they're ten toes
But turn their back on you when time starts to flow (They do)
What will you do when time starts to go
How will you move when time starts to show that nothing will stop for you no matter how low
How low will you go for time I don't know
I would love a time machine to see how I'd grow
Even though I would only see a plateau
Because I'm so obsessed with trying to change my old ways
That it brings distress into all my new days
But to speak on my old days it's funny to even think
So focused on doing my thing I ain't even want to blink (I didn't)
Finding out new ways to maybe grab a mink
When in reality all I really needed was a shrink (Yah)
Snapping 1, 2, 3, and 4 is like watching the same kids walk into my store
I know that they're stealing something to be happy for
Because once they go back out it's the same downpour
Of sadness that I know they've seen before
How could you leave those kids alone when they're already torn
Fighting their inner self and asking why they were born
Looking up to god with no help so they just mourn

But, sorry for the long backtrack
I just want to have my old life back
I don't talk about it a lot but this album did it right
Can you feel my emotions after all I had to fight?
You don't have to understand you don't have to feel bad
I just wanted y'all to know my reasons for being mad
This ain't about pre AVM and all my old leisures
This is post tragedy after the seizures

And I know I have a bad strategy with my anger
Throw emotions on a track just to try and make a banger (Ayy)
Everyone gets on my back when I get paper
But I can't give it all so they call me a bad caper (Why?)
Feeling darker inside so I guess I'm Darth Vader
One thing I understand is playing the role of a dad
Kids line up to talk to me when they're sad
But never listen to advice and they still get mad
You put yourself in positions and you still feel bad
But still ask me for me help you're not getting what you had
Why do y'all even ask me anyway (Why?)
I ruin everything I touch and I do it every day
I also hate myself in every single way
There's a reason I don't mingle with a girl every day
This the season to be single and still not be okay
At restaurants by myself getting stared at
Just chilling so I don't need to get glared at
But maybe I deserve it maybe I'm the real problem
It's been 19 years and I still can't solve em
But that line was rhetorical, there's no need to chime (Don't say nothing)
I hope this record is historical it's me in my prime
How about you take notes copy me like a mime
But once again why?
I used to wanna kill myself but I had to climb
Get out that dark place so I could maybe make a dime
But now it feels like I've been dead this whole time
But can you believe I made a song without cussing
But it's my most intense one that might bring the most fussing
But no one ever said life was a fun vacation (They didn't)
People ruin everything there's no relaxation (They do)
Pills ruin memories I ditched the medication
I would rather have seizures than no peace at mind
But I'm getting too personal just to try and get signed
(And that's all)