Lil Dicky - Professional Rapper Album Lyrics

---

Meet The Burds (Interlude)

[Phone ringing:]
"Hello?'
"Hi, any better out here?"
"Yeah, much better, yeah."
"Buenos noches."
"You're back from Machu Pichu and you're speaking Spanish?"
"It's 'buenas tardes'."
"So how's Dave Burd doing?"
"Ah, he's alright, you know. Taking it one day at a time."
"Um..."
"Well, wait, can we hear... say a little bit more about what that means?"
"Uh, yeah, I mean, I'm here in LA, I just moved here, obviously."
"Wait, wait, wait, we're still having trouble. Maybe you should try calling him back, Jean."
"He's got bad reception where he is is the problem."
"Can you hear me?"
"Is that it?"
"Can you hear me?"
"Yes, now I can. Yep."
"Alright."
"No, now we can't."
"Wait, Stewart, let him talk. Go ahead."
"What do you mean "You can't"? Why can't... You can't hear me?"
"Yes. We can, go ahead."
"Did you see that commercial for Anchorman 2?"
"Which one? There's plenty of commercials."
'Ok, Stewart, let him talk about what's going on with him."
"Alright, go ahead."

---

Professional Rapper

[Spoken:]
"Hello, how can I help you?"
"Hi, my name's Dave Burd. I have an appointment today. it's probably under 'Lil Dicky,' actually. I'm a... I'm a rapper, so..."
"Ok, and who are you here to see?"
"Uh, Snoop Dogg? Says here "Snoop D-o-g-g."
"Oh, yeah. He's right down the hall. First door to your right. Give him a knock and he should be right with you."
"Thanks. It's uh, this door right here, right?"
"Mm-hmm."
"Thank you."

[Lil Dicky & Snoop Dogg:]
Grab a seat
Thanks I'm Dave very nice to meet
Dave, what it do? You can call me Dogg
Let me just check your sheet
No problem, sir, let me just say
I'm a big fan of the shit that y'all make
I can't lie, I been thinking about this all day
All good, there's a reason that we called, Dave
Let me start with your background
Where you come from?
Sure, I was undergrad down there in Richmond
Before that
Oh, you talking bout my hometown?
Yeah
I was born out of Philly grew up in a little silly old town called Cheltenham
It was in the suburbs, upper-middle wealth around
So real shit you ain't never had to struggle for much
I wouldn't say it like that, we just had a different kind of trap
Elaborate
Well I ain't never had a tool, but I had to be the man at school
Like I was doing shit I had to do so when I finished undergrad, I'm cool and I can get whatever job I wanted
But the job you wanted wasn't all that bumping
Yeah, and I saw it quick all the flaws that be coming when you grow up like that
Know you been racing them rats, you ain't been making them raps
Boo hoo what a hardship
How you paid to get the rap shit started?
Man, my Bar Mitzvah money
But don't diss me buddy, I wasn't one of them younguns up on the block who had nothing to lose
I must've wanted this a lot, I had something to choose
Look at that, I can say there's something to prove up in your ass
Yeah, I guess
That's enough of the past, what makes you want to do rap?
Oh my god, it's the best
Bitches let me draw up on their breasts
Literally I can reinvent myself
I get a forum to project myself
It's never boring, every morning I wake up and try to best myself
I never got to be suppressed or stealthy to express myself
It's kinda healthy
Cool, now let me put you through a couple hypotheticals
Sure
In a club and a couple niggas threaten you
Uh, I wouldn't do shit
And I don't even get what that got to do with this?
Shut the f*ck up, rap's like life
If you wanna do this, then you won't get far acting like a little bitch
Nah, that's my niche!
Don't get offended by this, but that's the market y'all missed
That's the target I'll hit
And that's the heart of my pitch
I wanna do this whole thing different
What the f*ck you mean you wanna do the whole thing different?
Uh, you know, I-I think, like, you know
Traditionally people have been doing the job the same kind of way for a long time
But traditionally speaking, this shit works, right?
Nah, like, I get that, but I-I just think that, you know
You don't know if it could be working even better
And I think you should look at me as an opportunity to find that out
I don't mean any disrespect by that
I'm just saying I have a different background
Like a different perspective way of looking at things than your typical applicant

[Lil Dicky & Snoop Dogg:]
So what are your biggest strengths?
Well my flow is crazy, I can switch that amazing
For example, I can be like ain't nobody f*cking with Lil Dicky
When he get up on that shit and spit it sick and ridiculous
Ripping this shit like it's never been did and the rhythm is never predictable
Cause I can switch it, deliver this shit to whatever cadence you bitches prefer
Alright, alright, I get it
Top of that, lyrically I'm pretty damn clever (Go)
Got a long bottom bitch, called a hoe Neville (Whoa)
And I blow it from the jump, Derrick Rose knee (Oh)
You can say I'm pretty smart how I know better
And y'all been winning like my story [?] it's no feat
Bro, I can go on and on
I'm taking over any man like father in laws
OK enough of the punchline, that ain't showing me you different from the other guys
Well I don't know if they can run it like that
But ain't nobody else doing funny type rap
What's that?
Well I can tell a story about my morning
Watching Boy meets World and jerking off to Topanga Lawrence
Like the 14 year old Topanga
Oh this shit like a joke to you?
I don't get it
Nah it ain't like that I just happen to be a nutty abundantly funny type of individual
Like it's a guy
So when i get up on the mic I ain't finna just lie
Real recognize real, right?
Yeah, I guess
So what you trying to do?
Five years from now, tell me bout the dude
Well, I don't care about the money
Like ,it's the respect that I'm wanting
Honestly, I just want to be one of the greats
But I gotta bring your boy up, bury the bait
I don't wanna leave the game the same
In a nutshell, what's your legacy?
Well, I wanna be the dude that came in and made the stand up rap
With the random rap and the man like that for the people that was anti-rap
Yeah the fans of rap started recognizing anti-rap is ironically one of the real brands of rap left
That shit sound pretty damn complex
I guess, I wanna be the best
I just wanna do it my way
And turn the whole game sideways
And show people you ain't gotta be resigned to the highway
You can make a path while these motherf*ckers drive straight
I ain't mad at that
Well thanks, man, that's my plan of my attack
Just let me in and I'mma rap the plaques
And I ain't about to win them back to back
I'm bout to win them like it's back to back to back to back to back
Til I stop rapping
You ain't even sold a damn album yet
True
That's a lot of talk from a wiley vet
Let alone a young rook nigga
You misread me
Nah this ain't a book nigga
Well that's one of my flaws, I'm too competitive dawg
No, you just f*cking repetitive dawg
I get it, you trying to be better than all
But you ain't shit until cheddars involved
I get that I gotta prove myself
No shit you ain't done shit
But think about that though
Only doing this a couple of years
One tape and I'm like this?
This shit is aight for your first shit
But you don't know if it's your worst shit
You don't think finding out would be worth it?
It might be, it might not
But I'mma put your ass to work, kid
Wait, like, like I have the job? Like really?
Well one more thing, let me see if you could put a hook together
What would you do for the hook for this song?
You want me to make a hook up right now?
Do I look like the type of nigga that like repeating himself?
Alright, uh, okay
Man do the hook!
I'm bout to be professional
Homie, I'm professional
Uh, maybe like a low voice type thing?
Nigga, that shit is garbage man
Well, you know, I feel like there might have been some upside to it
But I'm not good at thinking of things on the spot like that
Don't y'all normally like outsource for that kind of thing sometimes?
Sometimes, but you know, that was some next level Dogg shit right there
Yeah, you know, I'm just way better when I get to think things through
Have my like that dual screen action that type of thing
Whatever man, you trying to smoke a blunt?
Right now?
Yeah
Sure

[Lil Dicky, Snoop Dogg & (Juanita):]
Dope. Juanita, bring some weed in here, please. Thank you
(You got it, Snoop. I'll be right there.)
Thanks, Juanita. Super nice woman
Nigga, why does everything you say sound so soft?
Uh, I really don't wanna be spoken to like that, so...
Whatever. Thanks
(Hey, I got y'all y'all weed.)
Damn, that's some great looking weed. It's just so early
(Can I get you guys anything else while I'm here? Coffee? Tea? Head? Bottled water?)
D-Did you just say head?
(Yeah. You ain't never got no head before?)
I mean... Just feels like... A lot, right now
(Ok.)
But what kind of tea do you guys have?
(We got mint, raspberry, earl grey, english breakfast...)
Actually, I'll take head
(I knew your little dirty ass wanted some head.)

---

Who Knew

LD
A.k.a the Time Traveler's Wife

[Verse 1 - Lil Dicky:]
I like to play it cool like I'm not that
On the low, who'd assume that I got that
I don't know, but the dude with the tall frappe
Looking all aloof being all that
Even Babe Ruth wouldn't call that
I don't even sweat it though
They been hesitant as if my credit low
And shit'll hit them quicker than an edible
I'm 'bout to run for Senate ho, you ain't even centerfold
Been on top of cheese, I ain't talking 'bout oregano
I'm talking 'bout your cheddar homie, revel in that
I'll hit a college and I'm f*cked, like I'm pledging a frat
They 'bout to silhouette my nuts on American flags
Estoy contento, muy estupendo
Better hearse word to rent-a-car, Dicky Tony K
Y'all the Le Batard speaking to you lames, that's a seminar
I'm straight like a pleasant bar, ain't nobody ready for my repertoire
I wasn't getting credit like a debit card
But never mind, had to give them time to adapt
I'm kind of like a rap rendition of a fry in a wrap
Just try it as that
You rappers Rebel Wilson's vagina, you stank!
I take it back, I don't know that ho
And bro they used to

[Hook:]
Look around the boy, wouldn't raised they head
Now they looking at the boy like the main event
He don't even got a rap sheet, looking like a mathlete
How the f*ck is he the one that come in with the crack
We like "Who knew, who knew?"
Used to look at me like "who you, who you?"
Now they look at me like "Who knew, who knew?"
Now it's Dicky with this, who knew, who knew?
Now they look at me like
I am [?]
Young boy got dough for a quiet nerd
I am rap game Walter White
You might get killed thinking that he all polite

[Verse 2 - Lil Dicky:]
Buzz around the city, coming out of Philly
I'm about to get a milli, being me that's word to milli
I'm looking super silly, but cooking like at Chili's
You look at me like "Really?" but I look at you like "Who that?"
Oh you new here, I'm the bomb
Ok I'm Lebron, ok I'm the one
Ok all that shit confusing that's a quandry
What you call a pussy with a movement, that's a Ghandi
I'm tryna get better but science preventing
Because I'm undeniably clever, the highest of levels
I'm high in a sweater but rhyming like I'm lying in pepper
Don't mind the endeavor, I bet I do better than veterans
Cheddaring, let him on Letterman
Get him on L and I'm on, boy
I think I need a therapist the way I get in my dome
Doing D like they was Syracuse, when they up in they zone
Used to load it on chrome, now I really ball
Living like a f*cking letter man, never mailing the song
Though the dime flow rubbing combos in Tom's shoes
With blonde hoes getting Peyton like the Broncos
I'm on ho, vanilla looking but the rest of y'all the John Does
It's pretty odd bro, cause they used to

[Hook:]
Look around the boy, wouldn't raised they head
Now they looking at the boy like the main event
He don't even got a rap sheet, looking like a mathlete
How the f*ck is he the one that come in with the crack
We like "Who knew, who knew?"
Used to look at me like "who you, who you?"
Now they look at me like "Who knew, who knew?"
Now it's Dicky with this, who knew, who knew?
Now they look at me like
I am [?]
Young boy got dough for a quiet nerd
I am rap game Walter White
You might get killed thinking that he all polite

Get up off my dick, ho
That's an unassuming dick, though
Get up off my dick, ho
That's an unassuming dick, though
("Who knew, who knew?"
Used to look at me like "Who you, who you?")
Get up off my dick, ho
That's an unassuming dick, though
(Now they look at me like "Who knew, who knew?"
Now it's Dicky with this, who knew, who knew?)
Get up off my dick, ho
That's an unassuming dick, though

---

Lemme Freak

[Verse 1:]
Drunk, faded, browned out, looking all shady
Two months since I f*cked a lady, young man dick going crazy
Standard Saturday, I'm about to get a cab and masturbate
Then I see a hot girl, look back at Dave
Lemme get your cat girl, no Hathaway
That's what I thought not what I said to her
Instead I walk up to her, like "I know you heard of the kid
You heard what I did, you heard of my shit, the murderous spit."
She's like, "Naw, you're being weird, what are you talking about?"
I'm like, "Aw..."
Pulling out my phone, like a boss, YouTube 'bout to get her off
But as I type the y-o-u, some porno pop up
I'm like, "Hold up, how did, that's not even me
Like, I don't jerk off mobily..."
Then her friends coming up
And wanna know if everything is okay
I'm like, "Naw, this a rape, you can't tell?
Gimme a break, please. Get the heck away."
I turned to her, "Let me buy you a drink," she like, "Fine."
Told the man, "Two Patron," she like, "Lime."
Said he tried twice, the card got declined
I'm like, "All ri-, is this a, could it be a machine issue?
He was like, "Naw,"
I was like, "Obviously there's something wrong
I got dough, like I'm not broke...
I got donuts with the same card like about an hour ago."
He like, "Dude, I don't know."
Now I'm looking at the girl she just wanna go
And I ain't talking 'bout with me, bro, I mean alone
I got one more chance to prove myself, so I'm like

[Pre-Hook:]
"Look, I'm athletic, girl, I've gotten several Rec League MVP's
At my crib I've got some pizza, plus a little bit of weed
In my room I've got a TV, plus I recently did sheets
Girl, I even have a fridge that has the water on the door
Like with the crushed ice"

[Hook:]
You know I don't give a damn, what you playing right now
This is me coming at you as a man right now
Lemme freak, lemme freak, god dammit, lemme freak
Just lemme freak, please god, just lemme freak

[Verse 2:]
The girl from the first verse, somehow let me f*ck
Fast forward, seven months, we in love
Some real serious relationship type shit
Despite this, I ain't f*cked for days
Tried last night, but was pushed away
But I've been acting well behaved today, I smell okay
Adele Pandora's playing, now she laying
On the floor and I'm praying this bitch is horny
I go and give her a smooch
She kissing Dicky back, so I play with her boobs
Bad move, she don't like that
Bad mood, her boss being mean to her
Via email, she wanna write back
I'm like, "Right now?"
She like, "Yeah, what do I say, can you just help me?"
"Oh, okay, what's the context?"
Then she like, "Well, he talks to Jane before coming to me."
"Who's Jane again?" I said, she like, "Wow, you should know that..."
"Okay, I guess I forgot," she like, "Dude, that's my other boss."
"Okay, true, so shouldn't your first boss
Go to the other boss, before you? Right?"
"But Jane isn't hands on!" she yelled
"Okay, well I just don't understand the dynamic then
I don't work with these people." She started crying
"Wait stop, what the f*ck is this?"
"Naw, you don't ever take my side."
About an hour later til' I'm on her good side
We in bed, hands on her good thighs
I try to kiss, she like, "Good night" but I'm like

[Pre-Hook:]
"Look, I just turned off The Departed for a movie 'bout a bee
I've been cutting back on farting, tweeting, arguing and weed
Yesterday I wore a cardigan at dinner with your sweet
And supportive aunt during the fourth quarter, of the Eagles
Now reward it.."

[Hook]

[Verse 3:]
Fast forward some more, June sixteenth, twenty seventy four
Old LD looking old as f*ck, still with the same ho, holding up
But my life sucks, legs hurt, friends dead, real terse
My dick looking like it's tinfoil
Her tits looking like they hard boiled eggs
On top of that, she insane
Like, I don't even think she knows who I am
Our kids moved away, we've been doing the same shit for days
Maybe months, who knows, probably going to die soon
Pretty scared, I ain't even gonna lie to you
Think about it all day, on my last legs
But I'm going out with a bang
I got pills they invented back in fifty seven
I took five, that's a bit excessive
I look high, take a look at my thighs
And good god that's a little erection, it'll work though
Now I've gotta find the ho, I'm pretty much blind at this point
I don't know if I mentioned that yet, but I am
Made my way into the bedroom and there she is, I'm like

[Pre-Hook:]
"Look, I don't know if you're aware that
You've been throwing out my shoes
What I do know is, I'm sick of doing nothing here with you
All my blood is in my dick, I'm probably dying pretty soon
Are you even comprehending what I'm saying
Please acknowledge that you hear me..."

[Hook]

---

Lemme Freak For Real Tho (Outro)

Lemme freak! (I don't give a damn what you playin right now, this is me comin at you as a man right now, lemme freak)

I'm talkin to ya (lemme freak Goddamn it lemme freak, just lemme freak)
Girl I smell that pussy across the room
There's no disrespect, they could make that shit perfume
Oh good God, I'm nasty
Don't look around girl, I'm lookin at you
What's good? I'm Dave
What's your name? Where you from? Who you with?
What's your policy on birth control? When were you last tested? Girl I gotta know
If you gon let me hit it raw, you gotta go
That would be crazy irresponsible

You know I only get with a bitch I mentally respect
We ain't even gotta f*ck unless you and me connect
Minimally I'd like to ejaculate somehow though
Girl, I don't think I'm being unreasonable unless you that naive, that you thought this was a friend thing
I hope you not a freak so don't moan and spool your body soak and wet
My bad, I know I sweat (profusely)
Also, I won't f*ck from the side girl, I'd lose like half my dick
Are you good about the pill?
Cuz even if it's foreplay, I should know that shits for real, girl I got hella pre-cum
Also, I'm wondering bout the way that you cum
Like is it external stimulation or penetration-based? F*ck it
You know I enjoy that way
But you know damn well, I just want my bed
They gon say I fell, I got blown away
I'm a hopeless romantic, girl I'm being dramatic but it's just the truth

Wait hold up, I should slow down
Don't even know you enough to go down
But if you want it we should go now
And we gon find out if it's great or it's strange

Oh girl, I could get you 4 to 8 minutes
Won't force the issue
Bitch it's too crowded
So girl if you bad then just give me that signal
But make it a loud one, I'm awful at this, hoe on the low, you [fire?] cut the shit
Girl what you tryin to do?
I got candles, Nonpareils, and three condoms in my room
The Nonpareils might be old as shit
Like they've been in there for a while
But fact of the matter is I don't want this to be no blip
I'd prefer to fall in love or swear I'm on some crazy shit. (crazy shit)
Like honestly, I need someone to save the kid. (save the kid)

It could be you but first you gotta let me freak, just lemme freak, just lemme freak again
Girl, what's wrong with you?
I need to freak
I need to freak
I need to freak
Like please let me freak
Like please let me freak
Please let me freak right now
Please lemme freak, lemme freak right now

Girl we could get married
Like we could be f*ckin
A daughter named Bailey
That barely [?]
We gon eat so many goddamn meals
What's your name?
Girl, you better keep them dirty paws off my chicken lo mein

We'll talk the boundaries out together is all I'm sayin
And for the record girl I'll eat that pussy later
Like when I know you a little bit better
But for now it's just too intimate
Like it's too much
You don't even have to give me head either
Like I'm totally onboard with a hand job
Especially if there's like lube or some shit around
In a weird way, I actually prefer it to head
There's no guilt
No guilt at all
In fact, it feels just as good to me too if not better
I think it's a dick sensitivity issue
At the same time, there's no way you should complain about such a thing

---

White Crime

Lot of rappers talking that shit, not enough doing that shit
Y'know I'm sayin'? Yeah

[Verse 1:]
People acting like I ain't a f*cking criminal
Like I ain't never doing dirt though
Probably cause the way I'm doing shit is clinical
But I've been putting in some work, breh
I see you looking at me cynical, stop looking at me
I ain't f*cking with your smirk ho
We've been doing shit, despicable
But we just keep it on a low, for example
Walk in to the movie with my pants full
Twix, bag of chips, plus a Snapple
Stealing all the shampoos, from the hotel's pretty bathrooms
Cheating, I've been peekin' in the classroom
Looking like a nice guy, 'til I take your motherf*cking Wi-Fi
And torrent every single song in my library
Then I drive by very f*cking high by everybody
While my lady licking my five inch dick

[Hook:]
White crime
White crime
Yeah, we 'bout that
Do a lot of dirt, never doubt that
Lot of rap twerps, let it shout crap
Let it make their mouth flat
When it come to burd, no, we spout facts
You 'gon learn what I'm 'bout, breh

[Verse 2:]
Doing business at the airport
Ask security, I ain't fraught
Lot of shit up in my JanSport
Six ounce of the face wash (the limit three)
My duffle bigger than what can board
My shuffle on during take-off
Will I help in an emergency? Yeah, sure
Exit row, fingers straight crossed
Thinking Dave's soft
But I know you see me J-walking
Piss in public, no caution
Halloween bucket? Take one, f*ck you thinkin' Dave was
Give me all your motherf*cking chocolate, ho
At the stop sign, never fully stopping though
Filling water cups up, with a lot of coke
Egging homes, motherf*cker, a lot of yolk
Not alone up in this motherf*cker, a lot of folks, been doing...

[Hook]

[Verse 3:]
Even though the speeding limit sixty five
I'm doing seventy five without a seat belt on
And I've been texting, driving reckless
I was seventeen when I first tried a Guiness on the tennis team
We used to haze a lot of freshmen
Lil Dicky put a hoop up in the street
Without obtaining permission
From the city, and every Christmas day
I'm going to cinemas with single tickets to single flicks
But go to additional pictures, sorry, but your boy is malicious
And back when I was eighteen, statutory raping
This little ho, even though we was dating
And if I am taking public transportation
On the quiet train I might have a conversation
F*ck it I'm the man
Puitting trash up in some other people's cans though
At the work fridge, stealing can coke
And up at the holiday party, I'm grinding colleagues on the dance floor
Dick been rubbing against their assholes, say it's not...

[Hook]

---

Molly

[Spoken:]
Yeah. Man, this is the softest thing I ever did.
But... it's about something pretty important to me...

And that's you
And that's true
I really wish I didn't care about you anymore,
But I do
What do I do when the rap-life
Make a motherf*cker choose up in that fight?
Make a young couple do something sad like,
Being broke up even though we had life.

F*ck it, I don't even know what I could of done
Looking back thinking "That's what I should of done"
Wanted you back
But when the fact is I always put you second to rap
I'm not mad that you wouldn't come.
And even though I had to move, I ain't move on
Really wish you was a boo I could prove wrong.
But she knows what I'mma do with the new songs
And she know them pretty soon when your dude on
Running the rap game, with that lane.
Always got to be up on that train, or that plane
Ain't nobody wanna feel that pain, or that strain
Wishing I ain't gotta get that fame
Or I'd claim you, know I'd give you my last name.
But that blame on me
Chasing something, feeling dumb 'cause you all I need.
Hope you wait until I'm done and I'm all free,
But you know I'm never knowing when that's gonna be
And I'm sorry.

It's the hardest road to follow (I'm thinking of you)
I really wish that I could call you (What can I do?)
You can find another me tomorrow,
and that's the hardest pill to swallow, babe.

If I woke up and I called it quits ('cause I'm thinking of you)
If today I gave up all of this (I don't know what to do)
Maybe I could get you back tomorrow
And that's the hardest pill to swallow, baby.

And that's you
And that's true
I really wish I didn't care about you anymore,
But I do
What do I do when the rap-life
Make a motherf*cker choose up in that fight?
Make a young couple do something sad like,
Being broke up even though we had life.

When I'm being dumb and stupid
Who the f*ck is gonna hit me with the motherf*cking jerk face?
Who's gonna let me know to hit my mother on her birthday?
Who's gonna let me know when I be shopping if a shirt's gay?
And when I'm on the road I be missing that.
Always looking at my phone, you would give me crap.
Ever since I've been alone I've been thinking back
Listening to you auto-tune in my mic phone making us laugh.
You know the past was a blast but it never could last.
Pretty sad when your love got a separate path
Used to read when there's nothing to do
But it's funny
Doing nothing's never nothing when it's something with you.
You know I wanna still talk, even text and call
Whenever something going on I be pressing "Moll"
Up in the phone til I press the X
Stressed the next one'll best the ex,
And you'll forget, but it's best.
You the best to me girl, always bake me something
And when they ripped off, you replaced my buttons.
But don't be pissed off if I hate your husband,
'cause even when I can't say "Love you"
I love you

It's the hardest road to follow (I'm thinking of you)
I really wish that I could call you (What can I do?)
You can find another me tomorrow,
and that's the hardest pill to swallow, babe.

If I woke up and I called it quits ('cause I'm thinking of you)
If today I gave up all of this (I don't know what to do)
Maybe I could get you back tomorrow
And that's the hardest pill to swallow, baby.

And that's you
And that's true
I really wish I didn't care about you anymore,
But I do
What do I do when the rap-life
Make a motherf*cker choose up in that fight?
Make a young couple do something sad like,
Being broke up even though we had life.

It's the hardest road to follow (I'm thinking of you)
I really wish that I could call you (What can I do?)
You can find another me tomorrow,
and that's the hardest pill to swallow, babe.

If I woke up and I called it quits ('cause I'm thinking of you)
If today I gave up all of this (I don't know what to do)
Maybe I could get you back tomorrow
And that's the hardest pill to swallow, baby.

---

Bruh...

Bruh...
Bruh...
LD
Bruh
A.K.A. stem cells

Errybody know the cat like a dope meme
I got em' buzzing off the crack like a dope fiend
They saw em' come up with a Mac yeah I'm so Steve
Nowadays bitches tryna crack got 'em ODing
Like how them hoes want to get it with L
They know it's cold enough to charge like a letterman sale
If they gon' stand behind the bars I'm in federal jail
I'm going far like a general mail

On that note I got the fellas saying what up, the tape what up
The same mothaf*cker playing with his steak cut up
I'm great, shut up, the flowing no debate just us
I'm out of shape but I'm straight to f*ck
Yeah you know I got a chicken in the condo
I was sick of getting off beat she a bongo
Now she playing with the hard D being Rondo
Drunk and go inside her all sweet like a Strongbow
How I'm'a do?

I got your ex coming next like a W do
I gotta flex, I'm the best, now I'm being direct
I'm unimpressed by these bitches that I see in the press
I'm kinda vexed by the trash like I'm cleaning a mess
Cus they as real when they rap as a Chias a pet
They old news stocks plummet! Men's leg hair they ain't cut it!
Forget about your era, Pat Summitt
Finesse writtens
I wanna get a hundred bitches and f*ck with the spitting
Religous like a couple of post-marital Christians
I've been official, Dick Bevetta a living
You better dig it like you bitches got a mill in the ditch
I'm killing this shit I been kicking like a villainous ninja

My shit is gripping when I run it how the f*ck I be slippin
I be intimate with them hoes, she never flummoxed
I take chick p and smash, I call it hummus
And I be funny with this shit, I'm just playing
But still nobody f*cking with the kid I'm just saying

Ah! Got a chicken parm on the date it seem
But I don't even know the broad, she just grating the cheese
I don't even got a job I just blaze and free
But still they give a boy bands, 98 degrees
So come f*ck with me
I got a couple hundred bitches doing drugs with me
And I got a couple dozen bitches tryna hug Dicky
And I got a couple bitches who be steady f*cking me

Hey, that's a good ass life
Only thing I got left find a good ass wife
But yo I gotta hit these hoes first, don't tell Mom
But in a year I'm'a bend over Michelle Obama
Bruh you know I gotta do it while I'm hot
I'm tryna get blue in most states like Barack
I'm tryna show a boo the last name of the Rock
And put her on D till we O, J Watt

I never hit the scene when I do I'm high and wasted
I'm f*cking with them jeans love them bitches high waisted
I run around your team, you a player but I'm Naismith
And I Command V, while you copy I just paste it, face it

Hotel got 'em puffing on the L, going harder than some hell
You ain't knew it
If everybody had to tell the truth and you had to pick a dude
Spitting better than your dude: can't do it
Telling me damn you got bitches, damn you got hoes
Damn you got money, but damn I got flow
Damn you got riches, damn you clothes
Damn you got honeys but damn I got soul

Hold up. This shit I'm making's always tight it's like a yoga store
They all up in the other boat it's why I'm overboard
I'm taking time to do it right it's like a soda pour
Cus we ain't loving all you bitches like we spoken for
Damn packing the van, wagging the man, cracking the ma'am
Packing the stands, had them clapping they hands
Tagging they 'grams, Manhattan was ham
Slapping the fans, playing havin' the plan
Fans rapping the jams, sagging my pants

You see the type of shit I do on the track?
Hot shit like I poop in the jacket
Won't mack your bitch but yo I'm bout to come and mack your clique
Your whole friend group f*cking with Dick (no hetero)
I yawn when I hear these motherf*ckers on the radio
They ball all retarded Cuba Gooding up in radio
I long for the moment I can say that's not debatable
I'm past that, I wonder who appreciate it like a snapchat
Affleck, dunk the dude, I'm going hard for the grind but I tuck this move

I made war with the rhymes, motherf*ck your crew
These bitches going Adolf, tryna f*ck this Jew
I'm too nice like a motherf*cker that fell in love with a boo
Twice as in double as f*ckable as he was
And dude tries to be subtle and get a cuddle
Venting the troubles and getting the truffles and ending up
Befuddled when she don't f*ck him and someone tell him listen
You bugging she never f*cking a pedestrian mother like you
So why all the trouble but he rebuttal with
I think I just love her so I would shudder at the thought
Of being anything other than nice

Peeping like a Port-A-Potty
It wasn't even deep dang shit is still a hobby
It's too bad bitches sleeping on me threesome
Cus now these bitches want to help but he don't need none
I'm all time like the Wall at the Bank
You've no shot like you drawing a blank
Honestly you probably couldn't hang man
I've been drawing a blank
Giving you lines while you sitting there and drawing a blank
So go in the rink, chilling like stoning and banging
And I'm flowing danker than a grower in Napa
Growing the stankist cannabis
Going rapping flowing smacking all these rappers
And showing the total package like my flaccid is growing fatter
Samoan cracker dapper rapper had to keep goin
Yeah that rap is a rap I know you rappers napping don't know it
There's a dagger pita pappa-tapping on the window
It's a real accurate metaphor of what you having in store
And I be snapping I mean I be splashing on the
Pay me your rain, fallin
Quicker than Aladdin's first name
Are you better than me?
Bruh

---

Hannibal Interlude

[Lil Dicky:]
And now a message from Hannibal Buress
Blaa, uh, sorry, sorry
And now a message from Hannibal Buress

[Hannibal Buress:]
Aye, mane, I'm f*cking with this shit. It's good to listen to a professional rapper for once, but Lil Dicky is a horrible rap name. That's some weird shit; you got grown men having to call you Lil Dicky in the streets like "Aye, what's up Lil Dicky. Bars man, you be spittin' bars". That's real inconsiderate for you to make that your rap name and it's probably - Is that the worst rap name? I saw a dude named Hogman, The Intruder, no, I just made that up, but it's it's not the worst rap name I've heard at all, man

Here's some tips if you rappers wanna be more professional:
First of all, stop rappin' over your own vocals at your concert. Clear your goddamn instrumental and rap over it, I don't wanna hear you rappin' over your raps, muthaf*ckas. Also, stop have thirty five people on stage - who are these people?! Are you travelin' with these people or did you hire them locally? Did you pay for their travel? Get all of those muthaf*ckas off of the stage. It's confusing. I don't like it. You can't do that at other jobs. You can't be an accountant like "Hey I'm about to do your taxes, here's my thirty friends just standin' around doing nothing while I do your taxes"; f*ck outta here

Also, stop talkin' 'bout the same shit. I don't think you have a fresh take on havin' money. I'm tired of hearing about it, I don't, I don't think it's interesting. These muthaf*ckas need to mix it up. I think I've heard every perspective on havin' money or I used to have money and I oh I got money, I didn't have money, I got more money than you'll ever get, I never thought I would get all this money, I had money now I'm getting more money. Stop getting soo many chains. You don't need that many chains - you only need one chain. Or if you're 2 Chainz, you can have two chains, but not more than that

---

$Ave Dat Money

[Intro:]
LD, AKA The Independent Variable
Trap God, and we servin' up the whole world

[Hook: Fetty Wap]
Ay, where the gold at, baby?
Ay, where the clothes at, baby?
Ay, where the dough at, baby?
In the bank but you know I ain't tryna blow that, baby
Ay, we gon' save that money (I'm so thrifty)
Ay, we gon' save that money (I'm so stingy)
Ay, we gon' save that money
What we do? We gon' save that money

[Verse 1: Lil Dicky]
Rap game got it all wrong
We ain't 'bout to go and spend money just to flex on them
We ain't really got it like y'all (Yeah, baby!)
I'm a type of motherf*cker that'll check the check
Do the math, I ain't never gettin' robbed
Those margaritas not goin' on my card
I ain't 'bout to split a damn thing for convenience sake
I'm at the restaurant workin' that waitress
Hold up
You ain't heard of Lil Dave, Yung L, The Jew Biz Major?
F*ck you know about the world he was raised in?
I've been savin' money since a motherf*cker thirteen
I wear the same pair of jeans everyday
Free sandwiches, homie, two stamps away
Book flight December but I leave in May
Drugs are generic but still work the same
I get login's for Netflix from my cousin Greg
Thanks Greg!

[Hook: Fetty Wap]
Ay, where the gold at, baby?
Ay, where the clothes at, baby?
Ay, where the dough at, baby?
In the bank but you know I ain't tryna blow that, baby
Ay, we gon' save that money (I'm so thrifty)
Ay, we gon' save that money (I'm so stingy)
Ay, we gon' save that money
What we do? We gon' save that money

[Verse 2: Rich Homie Quan]
All of my luggage is Louie V, I swear to God, nigga
All of my bitches be scared of me, I put that rod in 'em
All of them bitches actin' thoughtless, I disregard 'em
All of them bitches actin' holy, ain't got no God in 'em
I can teach a lil nigga somethin', preacher
I can take his ass church fresh as hell, no Easter
I can make his ass burb like a baby without no hiccup
I can...

[Interlude]
Quan what's this have to do with saving money though?
You know a full verse would have been to expensive anyways
I think

[Verse 3: Lil Dicky]
I ain't parkin' that unless the meter green, homie
Hair cut several months in-between, homie
Hit the motherf*ckin' lights when I leave, homie
Single ply TP ass bleed
Air B&B the mother f*cker, least I'm never there
I'm not in Cali, why the f*ck my company in Delaware?
Happy hour takin' out the chicken, I don't even care
That applies to both dating and wings
Peep matinees phone bill got the motherf*ckin' fam on it
401k rollin' over bands on it
Coppin' sweaters in the summer with the sale on it
The f*ck you rappers bragging bout? You overpay for it

[Hook: Fetty Wap]
Ay, where the gold at, baby?
Ay, where the clothes at, baby?
Ay, where the dough at, baby?
In the bank but you know I ain't tryna blow that, baby
Ay, we gon' save that money (I'm so thrifty)
Ay, we gon' save that money (I'm so stingy)
Ay, we gon' save that money
What we do? We gon' save that money

[Verse 4: Lil Dicky]
I ain't never hit a bar with a cover
Low thread count, hard with the covers
Free trial memberships though
I never join the shiz though
F*ck you think this is though?
Frequent flying like a motherf*ckin finch tho
General Tso, half a dozen on the stick
Just so I can whet the appetite of dick
What you talkin' about?
My AC never doing nothing, blow fans
Walgreens card shoppin' all the off brands
Boy go hard when collecting, got Venmo
Save every motherf*ckin' roach, tryna smoke
Check the clothes in my drawers, I ain't playin' around
It's LD, lil boy, Mr. Hand-me-down
Dirty drawers gettin' worn, can you blame me now?
You think I got $4.50 up in quarters on me well I f*cking don't!

[Hook: Fetty Wap]
Ay, where the gold at, baby?
Ay, where the clothes at, baby?
Ay, where the dough at, baby?
In the bank but you know I ain't tryna blow that, baby
Ay, we gon' save that money (I'm so thrifty)
Ay, we gon' save that money (I'm so stingy)
Ay, we gon' save that money
What we do? We gon' save that money

[Bridge: Fetty Wap]
Everytime these niggas tryna play
And lately I've been stackin' up
Cause I'm bout the bands baby
100k underneath the bed baby

[Outro: Lil Dicky]
If you at a restaurant and got an iced coffee
And the waiter been refillin' that without a word of caution
And you get your f*ckin' bill and you can see 'em double chargin'
For the coffee and you told 'em there's a problem
Sing a long like
Ohh don't double charge for me for that
Ohh don't double charge for me for that
Don't do it to yourself
Cause I might just ask what the ice cube's worth
That's the only differentiator making this a non-free perk
And I might make work more difficult for you than it need be
So think about it take a minute let it breathe B
But think about it bruh you saw me take the burger with the bacon on the side
After looking at the price of the side of just bacon
And comparing it to the what the difference in the cheeseburger
Vs. the bacon cheeseburger was and making my decision
I would hate to be the waiter trying to tell me something different
I'ma get on Yelp in a minute and review
This piece of shit place like only a kyke know how
Unless you take the extra coffee off I might get loud unless you...
Oh, it was just an accident?
You didn't even mean that [snicker]
You didn't... that was... that's... I'm so embarrassed

---

Oh Well

[Verse 1 - Lil Dicky:]
Oh well, I'm ignorant
But not to the fact that I'm ignorant, of course
I know that, I'm indifferent
I don't care to know what I don't
I don't care 'til I'm coming home
And my dad tell me some shit about when he my age, he was doing shit
Protesting about something that I forget currently
But that's not the point, the point is
To my pot, the boy is in the crowd devoid of giving a f*ck
I would call his bluff but I've been thinking 'bout it
And shit, he ain't wrong, though
I don't vote but I think I did at prom, though
I don't know about a world if it's not home
I don't even know the first thing about what Obama do
I'm better off telling y'all what Lebron been doing
I don't even know what my mom been doing
I hit her up every Sunday
And we talk, but the call's going one way
In the dark, if it's not what I'm doing
Never been aware from the start, but I knew it
I don't even care how my tech work
If the shit work, put it there, turn it on, we can do it
Funny thing is I could look it all up today
[?]
And placate the debate within my brain waves
But the shows I watch all start at 8 so

[Hook 1 - Lil Dicky:]
Oh well
It's the season finale, so...
Oh well
I kind of have to watch live, people are gonna tweet about it
Oh well
But I'm aware of all this stuff, I'll figure it out
Oh well

[Verse 2 - Lil Dicky:]
I do care when my phone's dying
Like, when that shit's red and I can't text
And I can't check what my fans said
I get mad stressed
Laying in the bed but I can't rest
Till my gram checked, wish I cared less
Leave it at the crib, I'm a damn mess
I should stop for a day, wanna try that shit
Drifting away, I wanna ride that ship
Dinner on the table but I'm unable to be tasteful
Underneath, I'mma like that pic
Watching the show on a phone, filming Coachella on phones
Hoping I capture the moment so I could post it
Don't live in the moment, hoping I'm still in control
But I'm praying I'm not alone
All the fans say I'm great at talking to 'em
They don't even understand I am not the man
I just can't go a day with being alone
When I'm with friends, though, why the f*ck am I still on my phone?
Wishing I could look this shit up on Chrome
Wishing I could take a second to stop and reflect it
But someone just texted me

[Hook 2 - Lil Dicky:]
Oh well
It's actually like an important text
Oh well
I'm trying to solve, like, logistical issues
Oh well
It's time sensitive is what I'm trying to say
Oh well

[Verse 3 - Jace:]
I was gonna do a line, but I sneezed
I was gonna smoke, but I need weed
I just wanna roll up and then leave
But everyone keeps on talking to me
Like "How's Mike Will? You know Rae Sremm?
I like "No Type" but I really hate them"
Like I asked for your opinion when I barely even know what day it is
I'm passed [?} loans and my rent
But I just bought new J's and shit
Going way fast on a one way road with the window down tryna wave at them
My mom says I should go back to classes
But I'm in the strip club and I'm tapping asses
And bitch look like Jacqueline Onassis
But she lies a lot and can't kick the habit
I've tried to stop giving passes to those who front it cause that's living backwards
And they give two cents when I ain't even ask them
Treat them like exams and I need to pass them
I twitching dutches, I don't do the backwards
But this gas station don't carry those
And I'm tryna smoke, man, how traffic
Here's a 20 and some change, man, you can have it like
No

[Hook 3 - Lil Dicky:]
Oh well
Oh well
Oh well

Top▲  

---

Personality

We ain't ever been the mother
Fight a stack and get a hundred fifty bitches on deck

We the type of dudes that be putting in the effort
Just to show them that we better
Get the broads like that
It's how we do it!

Hey bitches
Uh, I know I can be a little bit much sometimes
But really I just do that shit for the fellas
You know, I rap for the fellas
But like, this is for y'all

I ain't even strong like that
So average, I ain't tall like that

We just trying to show a little respect
Baby we goin for it
I'm the one that you need and you just don't know it

We ain't ever been ballers
But we getting pussy with our personality
We getting pussy with our personality
We getting pussy with our personality

Honestly I'm like a seven with my hair long
Maybe seven and a half facial hair strong
But I make these bitches laugh and I care for them
I'm the type of motherf*cker pulling out the chair for them

I ain't ever been the g at the bar
That get them bitches hella wet just by seeing his arms
You know the boy about the leg work
I plant seeds, I'm a mexicano gardener

All I'm saying is I ain't playing the game with these bitches
I ain't mean to em, I prefer to show them everything that I can mean to them
Lil Dicky thrive with a friend of a friend and I never hesitate to tell them that I love Rent

I am not a stud I'm a boyfriend
I love love and I cuddle for enjoyment
My dick small but I'm telling you it's nothing by the time
that we f*cking they so emotionally interested they really be cumming

Drinking champagne oh you trying to dance babe
We can hit the floor I'm bout to show you how the man shake
We can make a [?]
Keep you safe and walk you to your damn place
Then I got you dancing on my rubber like a trampoline

What you doing tomorrow? I'm with it
I'ma take you to the zoo and be cordialant with it
I'ma tell you hella stories and be mindful
Bet you get a little horny like the infant rhinos

I ain't even strong like that
So average, I ain't tall like that

We just trying to show a little respect
Baby we goin for it
I'm the one that you need and you just don't know it

We ain't ever been ballers
But we getting pussy with our personality
We getting pussy with our personality
We getting pussy with our personality

We ain't ever been ballers
But we getting pussy with our personality
We getting pussy with our personality
We getting pussy with our personality

We ain't ever been the mother
Fight a stack and get a hundred fifty bitches on deck

We the type of dudes that be putting in the effort
Just to show them that we better
Get the broads like that
It's how we do it!

When I get your gchat, that's a rap hoe
Smoke weed, eat the pussy like a snack hoe
Dave lays you on top like a rap though
Bet you think I'm nice in person I ain't talking rap shows

I ain't gonna pick you up at the club
But if I get about an hour with you, bet you in love
I'll ask questions

Oh you did your hair? Little Dicky pay attention
Oh you getting scared? What's the root of all this tension

You know I'd be a hell of a date and if you torn I will split the entrees that you crave
And when you bored I can send you Snapchats for days
And make them personally for you like they all will be based around the inside jokes we develop in time

And if you tired won't initiate the sex it's fine
I can talk you on the phone when you driving alone
And make you feel comfortable enough to take me to mom

And that bitch gon love it
She gone tell your ass you legit yo a hubby
She gone tell your ass need to quit your clubbin and go get that youngun
While I'm sitting with your dad being slick straight grubbin

I can take you out to brunch call me hollandaise
Know exactly what you want every holiday

I can text you like a motherf*cker
Wordy and impressive 57 on the [?]
Hit you when you coming through

I ain't even strong like that
So average, I ain't tall like that

We just trying to show a little respect
Baby we goin for it
I'm the one that you need and you just don't know it

We ain't ever been ballers
But we getting pussy with our personality
We getting pussy with our personality
We getting pussy with our personality

We ain't ever been ballers
But we getting pussy with our personality
We getting pussy with our personality
We getting pussy with our personality

We ain't ever been the mother
Fight a stack and get a hundred fifty bitches on deck

We the type of dudes that be putting in the effort
Just to show them that we better
Get the broads like that
It's how we do it!

Top▲  

---

Pillow Talking

I'm like girl that was great
Talk about a connection
Am I alone in my praise
Do you share my assessment?
She like yeah that was nice
I enjoyed myself
Great, yeah
She like can you reach that shelf
For my phone, I'll take care the alarm
I'm like "oh, for the morning, like to sleep?"
She like yeah we just had sex
What did you think?
I was just gonna f*ck you and leave?
No, I - I hadn't thought that far ahead
But of course, can I get you a T-Shirt?
OH, can you not tickle my hair?
It's just a personal thing, it's not you
Okay sorry for doing it
No, it's not a personal thing, it's not you
Okay cool. Yeah
Uhhh, so you're from Minnesota?
Only thing I know is that it's cold
Break it down, how's it compare
To living in LA?
Well, I can't compare them they're so different
Y'know what I'm sayin?
Yeah, for sure
She like apples to oranges
Yeah, well you can still compare them but I hear ya
What's the deal with your family? Got any siblings?
She like I have a brother, I'm like oh what he do
She like he in the Army. Oh, true
Uhh, do you f*ck with the war?
She like huh, what did you just say?
Huh, like just now?
Yeah
Do you f*ck to the war?
No I don't f*ck with the war
I'm like no I don't f*ck with the war
Just don't know how to react to the forces
I should have just thanked you of course
Uh, why would you thank me?
Uh... I guess I assumed it would extend to the families but okay

While we on the topic
I been actually thinking about some shit
About the Army and Navy
What if tomorrow is the day
That the f*cking aliens came
And invaded our nation?
Like, would we even be able to f*ck with their shit?
Like do we have the type of weaponry to f*ck with their shit?
So not at all, would they just walk up in this motherf*cker
Laughin at us, and blastin at us
And makin everybody disentegrate and assimilate
Without a hint of intimidation?
And can we be doin some shit to make they heart race?
Granted I don't know the alien heart, but
You get what the f*ck I'm sayin?
Like what the f*ck would it be like?
Would they be like Earth go hard?
Or would it be just another conquest?
Or would they be like damn earth go hard
They was harder than Simian
You ever talk to your brother about this type of stuff?
Then she like no
I'm like well what you think?
She like I don't concern myself with hypotheticals that couldn't be
I'm like girl what you mean?
She like I don't believe
In the war?
In aliens
Oh... hold up
Wait, hold up
Hold up
Girl what you sayin?
That all of the life in the universe happens to be where you stand?
I guess
What an enormous coincidence that shit would be
Do you see what I'm sayin?
I can't hear what you're sayin
Well the whole universe is expandin
There are infinite galaxies
Why would we be the anomaly?
She like that's no coincidence
I call that shit god
I'm like oh you're religous, bitch
You think it's all god
No I know it's all god
No I know that there might be a god
First off nobody knows there's a god
Girl I think we should drop this
No, what's goin on in your brain right now?
Brain.. uhh, brain on some other shit tho
I been all up in the club for the year hey brain
I been killin shit don't mind me
I'm just top flight
I could sure use a Sprite
I'm thirsty as f*ck
Who gettin money?
That's brain
Who make decisions?
That's brain
Who make the hit's
That's been brain
Who run the whole operation
That be brain so
Brain, can you just get back to the issue here
Uh, can you just remind the brain?
You're such an idiot, we're talking about God
And if he exists
Don't call brain names
The brain couldn't recall
But if I'm not mistaken the bitch on the left
Guaranteed there's a god
I believe in a god, yes
So god never wrong
God never wrong, right?
Yeah, that's like the whole point
Brain just get there, please
Hold up. So god made the earth
And god was like hold up, this shit is boring
It need more shit
God was like imma put dinosaurs on that bitch
Dinosaurs on that bitch
Then he like why'd I put dinosaurs on that shit
What is your brain even saying?
Can he get to the point
Hold up brain you just did it
God ain't wrong what the f*ck was he thinking
About what?
Bitch the dinosaurs
He made the Earth for them
But then he like nah
Dinosaurs was just blah
Imma cook up some blondes
He was way off
I don't look like a dinosaur
Ho them things 35 foot
I'm like 5 foot 11
But on Tinder I'm 6 foot
Seen that Broncheosaurus
That thing f*ckin neck go to heaven
And that's just an expression bitch
There ain't no heaven
I'm just messin but if he ain't wrong
I guess this the exception
Can I talk now?
Go ahead
Look
Everything in life has purpose
You, chickens, a midget at a circus
I don't interpret
Shit like that's not for me to determine
So dinosaurs purpose was like to just die?
That's not for me to interpret
I'm just a person
But think of the root of the argument girl
View how we started this girl, you don't believe in the aliens
You can find god the earth girl i find that shit silly and
I just don't presume to know the plan
Bitch me neither but that's not what I'm sayin
But what are you sayin?
Why can't God f*ck with aliens?
Why can't Earth just be like a f*cking sideproject for this guy?
Look we just don't see eye to eye
Yeah but logically you don't believe in your stuff
Yeah but you're like bringing up the dinosaurs
We could have shared the earth with them nobody knows
Damn there is hard soil evidence girl
Like whats next you don't f*ck with Pangea?
She like lets change the subject
That bitch don't know about Pangea
Brain leave it alone
I'm starving, are you hungry by chance?
Oh my god I'm so hungry
Yes, do you wanna get a pizza?
F*ck yeah. f*ck yeah, I'm on it
Also I'm sorry about that whole interrogation thing
Come on dude I'm a grown up
I'm capable of having
Intelligent conversations
Okay i just f*ck it
Okay back to this pizza I'll eat pepperoni
Ugh
Sausage?
How can you eat that shit
No no no, this not dominoes
This legit
This high quality meat and shit
No, no, I'm vegitarion
Oh, well we can get half pepperoni
And half of whatever you like
Uh, ew, I can't have that shit
In the same box
Seriously? you're that against meat?
No I'm that against us being gluttonous
Thinking that animals live on this earth to get eat
Okay, is it how we treat them?
Uh, it sure doesn't help
She like I'm not opposed to us huntin
But now we not trackin them down
We just breed them to eat
That's disgusting
You should honestly read on this subject

Alright hold up
Just because we not runnin around with a bow and arrow
Doesn't mean we're not hunting these chickens
We just decided the place to do our hunting intelligently enough
To manipulate these animals and get them to do exactly what we want
That's my point we just incubate animals
Instead of just letting them live how they come
But, what? that's just your God at work bitch
Why we go hard on earth
What you think happened right now
If you left my place
And there was like three wolves waiting for you
Wolves?
Bitch they would tear your ass up
Viciously
Like they would eat your titties
And your pussy
That's what they do
And your face and shit
That's what they do
Humans are smarter bitch
That's what we do
She like apples to oranges
Bitch that phrase don't make no sense
Why can't fruit be compared?
She like I'm gonna leave
There's just all of these conflicting principals
Right, enjoy your pepperoni pizza
Right, i will, that's my god given right
She like where is my bag
Oh that leather one next to the trash?
That's the one right? made out of cow, I think?
Uhh why are there no ubers in this area
So you don't eat the meat, you just wear the shit
I'm not listening dude
That's barbaric as shit
Do you come from the vikings?
Do you take peoples land?
Do you f*ck with the war?
How are there no ubers out here?
Just download lift, they have a bigger presence around here
I don't wanna add shit to my phone
Okay the choices are clear
Ubers are not around here
Taxis will come bu they real slow
And the brain gotta poop
T minus 5 till the brain gotta shit
I just downloaded lift
But it's being so glitchy
Okay look do you just want to sleep here
Uhh no
It's past 2 am
I'm not sharing a bed with you
You can sleep on the bed I can sleep on the floor
Fine you're sure
Yeah its cool I won't throw you out to the wolves
Oh my god you are so annoying
I couldn't help myself
But can you at least throw me a pillow

I'm just pillow talkin with a bitch
I'm just pillow talkin with a bitch
I just finished passing on a bitch
Now I'm pillow talking with a bitch

Brain gotta poop still
Please don't neglect the brain
Please don't neglect the brain

[bell rings]
Wait is that my lift?

Nah I got a pizza
Full pepperoni too
So you're not gonna wanna be a part of it

But first you should poop
Please don't neglect the brain

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---

Parental Advisory (Interlude)

"Actually, you know what..."
"I don't, I-I will say one thing. I'd rather you sleep in a hotel downtown than sleep at your friend's house. You need a good night's sleep."
"Ha, why?"
"Well, because you're gonna get up and perform, honey."
"Yeah, I mean..."
"You need, you just, I guess I just think you're underestimating..."
"I know you're gonna perform, you're gonna perform 3 shows in 4 nights."
"Yeah."
"You know, you don't wanna get sick. You don't wanna have a cold, you don't, you know. I'm trying not to be a Jewish mother, here, but I think you're really underestimating this."
"No, you guys are handling it, I'd say you're playing your role great as the, the Jewish parents of a rapper. I'm curious to hear the conversations that happen between other rappers and their parents, I think these are interesting."
"What do you mean by that, David?"
"What do you mean what do I mean by that?"
"When you say we're handling our role, you think we're being, uh, we're being sarcastic?"
"No, I-I enjoy it, I think it's funny. I'm just saying, like, I can't imagine, like, Puff Daddy or something talking to his mom and she's telling him, like, "You better get a good night's sleep, you can't catch a cold."
"I-I, you know what, actually, you're gonna laugh at me. I disagree with you, I think anybody's mother would do that."
"Ok."
"And when Puff Daddy was 25 years old and the night before he was performing, I'm sure somebody was telling him the same thing. That's what mothers do. Black, white, Indian, it doesn't matter who we are."
"I respect that, but Jewish mothers a little more."
"Yeah, Jewish mothers maybe a tad more."

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---

Classic Male Pregame

[Intro: Lil Dicky]
What's up, y'all?
It's your boy LD
A.K.A. The Original Pancake
I'm going the f*ck out tonight

[Verse 1: Lil Dicky]
Off work, 'bout to get trashed
Me and my crew all about to get ass
Sam coming through with a bottle of the Cap
Me and Dean 'bout to tube, Mark taking out the trash
Clean up my room, bitches 'bout to peep that
Peeing, getting groomed, bitches 'bout to eat that
Dean shave my neck, thanks, man, I need that
Read through my text, then I itch my kneecap
Now I gotta play the game right with Liz
Top prospect, met the other night through Tinder
Eight o'clock so I think it's only right I hit her
With a "what you got on tap for the night?", delivered
While I wait Imma pick a shirt
Ain't nobody wearing plaid so I claim it first
Mark got a little sad cause his favorite shirt's plaid but f*ck him
He knows I back off in a reverse
Now I'm taking a shot and we drinking and popping a bottle
And thinking of all the bitches we gon' haul in
Sam say I know a house party and it's popping
Bet Imma cop some weird head, Dennis Rodman
Oh, yeah, we plotting

[Chorus x2: Nekisha-Michelle]
This is a pregame
It's a pregame
A classic male pregame
Not a weekday
So this is when we take
Shots and we chasing alternate DJs
And that we pray cause

[Hook 1: Lil Dicky]
And we all get drunk
And we get dressed up
And we all buy gum
And we all gon' f*ck

[Interlude: Lil Dicky]
Aye, pour me another shot, God damn it
I'm tryna get to a place where I can talk to these bitches
I got seven shots in me, three condoms on me and immeasurable hope

[Verse 2: Lil Dicky]
Ten O Clock, words getting slurred
Another shot, Sam's tryna hurry
Mark's not, says he isn't worried
He ain't tryna spend hella bread at the clurb
Call him out, "since when you using clurb, faggot"
Mark pouts, something like a herb rabbit
Dean smiles, we been doing work
Pretty turnt, think he blacked out
Lil Dicky burp loud
Peep phone, what the f*ck, she ain't text back
Pretty close to considering a text back
Spilling Coke on my shirt that's a red flag
Now I gotta change, Mark knows put his best plaid on
We debating the top ten in the NBA
Disagreeing alot about Lamarcus A
Shawshank Redemption popped on, attention all on
Sam was like, "nah, the party called off"
I already got a Lyft, I'm going out to a bar
Then Mark pulled out a spliff, temptation very hard
You know I couldn't resist, we blazing, now the car here

[Chorus x2: Nekisha-Michelle]

[Hook 2: Lil Dicky]
And we get f*cked up
And we all feel rushed
And our plans fall through
And we in bad moods

[Interlude: Lil Dicky]
Man, what time is it?
12:24? And the bars close at 2, lights on like 1:30
Let me just think for like a second

[Verse 3: Lil Dicky]
Sam like, "we gotta go, cause the car here"
Mark like, "I don't know, what's the bar deal?"
Dean like, "I'm on a roll in Guitar Hero"
Dicky looking like he about to choke on his lamb gyro
Sam looking let down, 'bout to go berserk
Mark put his sweats on, now he rolling purp
Dean blacked out, he ain't even on the earth
I was like, "Sam, I was with it with my other shirt"
Sam bounced, he's like, "f*ck it, I'm out"
Me and Mark smoke a blunt, Dean stuck on the ground
Text Liz, "what the f*ck?", even snuck in a frown
I get the spins high and drunk, I throw up in the shower
Now I'm jerking off inside a condom (I do that)
I text my ex say, "I miss you often" (true that)
Sam back, it's not even one yet, he a dumb mess
He about to be a problem
I ain't even tripping, I'm Tindering
All of a sudden I'm blinking, I'm squinting
It's saying it's six in the morning
I'm stinking, I'm still in the same shit from last night
Got a text from Mark saying:
"I ain't mad, but I know you'll clean the bath, right?"

[Chorus x2: Nekisha-Michelle]

[Hook 3: Lil Dicky]
And we get too drunk
And we don't have fun
Then we eat too much
And the next day sucks

[Outro:]
Like, we really just wake up and spend far too much time shitting
So, the whole process just seems flawed
Thank you for your time

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---

The Antagonist

Yeah
Ay, can y'all turn my headphones down? Significantly?
Cool, that's good
It was super loud

First of all, this shit about me
I ain't made this shit for y'all, that's the damn thing
I've been waiting pretty long to get on some shit and rip it for Dicky
So just consider this my damn theme song, baby
I've been working hella hard, though
There's people telling me I'm 'bout to be a star, bro
But when I play 'em some of this, they like nobody want the piss, Lil Dicky
You the funny kid, that's where your card go
That metaphor about my lane, if your retardo
I'm bubbling like I'm in a soda, word to Fargo
I'm tryna get the f*cking fame and it's a tricky little game you gotta play
Sometimes you gotta tell your heart "No"
Here's the problem I've been having
I wanna make my favorite type of music
And the shit I like to bump is not the type I'm brewing
I be on that "F*ck the world, you motherf*ckers losing" type of shit
Like all you haters, look at what the f*ck I'm doing
All my favorite rappers not amusing
And I love my funny stuff, I hope it's not confusing
I'm just saying, when you doing something time consuming
Every now and then you wanna spaz
Why I didn't go with jazz, muhf*cka
Get up in yo ass, muhf*cka
Y'all are trash, ye ain't even know the half
I could rattle off a lot of opposition to rap game
But honestly I'm not in the position for that plane
To carry any weight, I just gotta carry on and wait
'Til a motherf*cker carry all the weight
Hypothetically, though, I prolly tell you that I'm better than your every bro
I prolly tell you it's subjective, I'm more impressive
You pressing play, a form of respective
I'm guessing more or less it won't be competitive
Y'all adorable, seditive kind of rappers, so deplorably editive
Nothing's worse than when a moron's repetitive
I don't get it, how is everyone the same dude?
The rookie walking on the court like "Man, I can't lose"
They playing Dicky, everybody in the room be like "That's some shit"
Playing yo bum ass, they be like "That's some shit"
Y'all are bubbles with the rapping
Lil Dicky get it popping, you could say bubble rapping
The irony in all of this is I've been funny rapping
Yet the youngin's snapping to the point where all of y'all are funny rapping
Congratulations, y'all can write a hook
At my graduation, they was saying I could write a book
If a Rotten Tomatoes site existed for us rappers
I would be a 97, y'all would hover 'round a 64
Little Dicky spit that Pixar
Hope you seeing why I really like to spit hard
Only problem is I'm rapping at rappers
To the people that be listening, that world doesn't matter
Wanna know what the advantage of the rapper who black is?
The N-word isn't antagonist
Before you get all huff and puff about, think about it, be analyst
The fact they always use it's no accident
For example, I could be like "Go figure
I don't think I'm one to f*ck with all you ho [?]"
Y'all can fill in the blank
That don't make it so you don't gotta rap it a rapper
That applies to every detractor
But even if I had a word like [?] disturbed
It's absurd but I'm looking 'round and ain't nobody verse me
I don't think a motherf*cker's ever tried to hurt me
Every one I see has been supportive on this journey
Like where my haters at? I'm thirsty
I just really wanna talk my shit, be like "Y'all ain't shit"
But y'all ain't shit, like, y'all don't exist
I could talk about the people that are dicks but I feel like that's whack
That'll get old quick, Robin Williams in "Jack"
Who the f*ck is my antagonist?
Is it you? Is it you?

If it's you, let me tell you something
You ain't even got a clue 'bout the shit that's coming
You don't wanna be the dude in five years like
"The f*ck, I dissed that
Shit was pretty clear, how the f*ck I missed that?"
You know that I ain't f*cking light, bruh
I just f*cked round and did this overnight, bruh
I just f*cked around and quit a f*cking job
where I was making triple digits then the comma got involved, dawg
This wasn't rapping or trapping
This was rapping over a big ol' f*cking house with a family
Who the f*ck is listening [?] but making Dicky so angry?
Is it you? Is it you?
I'm just waiting on some nonbelievers
The writing isn't on the wall, it's coming out your speakers
Anybody disagree, I'm being so facetious, homie I mean it
Forget the website, I'm the only motherf*cking rap genius
Where you doubters at, I'm tryna hear it
Maybe it's the motherf*ckers never paying mind to lyrics
I would dumb it down for y'all to try make it more appealing
But the ones who hang on every word think I'm kinda fearless
But even with no attention, you can kinda tell this motherf*cker killing this section
You can kinda tell this motherf*cker still an erection
But getting harder by the minute, just admit it, it's sexy
The funny fact about this shit, I gotta rap
about the fact I wanna rap about this shit to even rap about this shit
Nobody been sleeping on Dicky
It's only been a year and bitches been sleeping on Dicky
Nobody took over the tape with they first tape
This motherf*cker hasn't struggled since the first grade
Add it up, there's no excuse to berserk, Dave
Can't debate this shit, you got to skip, you not on first tape
So what the f*ck am I mad for?
What's some other shit that I could actually spaz for?
Maybe it's the fact that I've been stuck in this lab for
A hundred f*cking days straight cooking up raps or
The fact this shit been taking over every thing in life
I gotta make it so I made the call to leave it all behind
That's my girl, that's my world, that's beyond being busy
Now the only one that gets to David Burd is Lil Dicky

See, I told you this about me
Go on and look up in the mirror, see with LD
Who you hate, boy?
Only care about me, said I'm straight, boy
Maybe I'm the one that gotta hit when I wanna murder shit
Y'all probably thinking "Who is David Burd?" and shit
Y'all just wanna hear some LD
But I ain't made this shit for y'all, that's the damn thing

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---

The Antagonist II

Hi, I'm Dave
I'm Strange (no)
I've been up so long
Don't know where ill go don't know what I know I'm wrong
I must be gone (gone) I must be gone (gone)
I'll play my god

What you doing?
Like everything
Don't shoot down my pair of wings
Let me just smoke my Mary Jane
Ill just hold my marriage in
And that coin flip so damn american
Ever take a walk in the street
Sit up in the middle of the median
And they come and go and they come and go
And my shit been bumpin' my shit been dope
But I'm missing something I'm kissing hoes
And I'm missing something I'm switching rolls
And I'm pissed at something I'm drifting slow
I got zip files
And I know if I click them they gonna unlock
How do I know that though I wasn't taught
I guess that shit that you learn on the job
And my permanent fog is burning like smog
Look at your feet totally odd
What is a feat what is a job
Look at my teeth and they been moving a bit
So as of late I've got in my retainer but dawg
Sooner or later the pain is a problem
Only its not only its not
That mean its working I guess I'm like god

[Hook:]
I don't ever front out here for a minute (go crazy)
[?]
Oh my god oh my god
I can't even stop this song
Now the kid been getting bananas
He going Donkey Kong
(King of the ape shit)
He going Donkey Kong
(King of the ape shit)

I earned shit while he learned quick
Churned shit while he cursed this
And I turned around like I heard something
But i swear to god I ain't heard nothing
I second guessed you but escalated
Shit ready when I'm done renovating
Don't f*ck with me on my escapade
Don't f*ck with me on my escapade
And I met a boy on that mountain top
And he said to me go round the block
And I did that and I came back and he took back what I took back
I stood back while he took that
And I looked back while he looked at me
And that's when I knew I was on
Shouldn't be long
I keep it moving along
I keep on proving you wrong
I keep on doing the shit that you want me to do
It don't have to be public at all
It will be our little secrete
Unless you do songs about it
Hmm but why would you do that?
Well...

[Hook:]
I don't ever front out here for a minute (go crazy)
[?]
Oh my god oh my god
I can't even stop this song
Now the kid been getting bananas
He going Donkey Kong
(King of the ape shit)
He going Donkey Kong
(King of the ape shit)

Top▲  

---

Parents Still Don't Understand (Interlude)

"Oh, man."
"Got so much to do. Huh, honey?"
"Yes, definitely. I'm just..."
"Well, look, again, if you need mom to come out there for a week..."
"I don't think that [?] needing, like, mothering."
"No, no, not mothering. Organizing. Or doing, doing tasks."
"Yes, right."
"That's not, that's not..."
"Getting your plane tickets..."
"That's like, that's not..."
"Making sure that your clothes are, are, things that, no, just organization. Not mothering."
"I don't, I don't have to worry about that. Like, people handle that stuff."
"Ok."
"Ok."
"So how are you gonna get strippers in Boston and New York and Philadelphia..."
"The question is whether the clubs will allow it."
"Uh, I probably only would get strippers for Philadelphia."
"Well, you're breaking up again."
"I said, I probably would only get strippers for Philadelphia."
"But, but, a practical question in organization is, do they allow it?"
"Yeah..."
"Someone could research that for you. That's another detail."
"Yeah, why don't you take care of that detail for me? Figure out what venues allow strippers. Is that something you guys could handle or no?"
"No. Cause I don't know what venues... You would have to ask William Mars or whoever's booking this stuff to find out for you. We can't find that out."
"Well, if like I give you, if I give you the venue name and number, you guys could call."
"You could do that."
"I, yeah, I'll call."
"I'm kidding, I'm not gonna have you guys call a concert venue and have you guys ask if you could, if your son could have strippers at his show, that's ridiculous. I don't need you guys to do that. Of course. I can't believe you guys thought that."
"Well, what do you want us to do?"
"Nothing! Nothing, I'm joking around. I can't believe you're even entertaining this as like a thing you would do."

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---

Work (Paid For That?)

My own boss
Work less

Man, she always taking the most
Conference room every day is the worst
"Can I see your work?"
I was zerked, I was search
Tryna figure out them alibis
"This your work?"
I was drinking with some black guys
Hey I done came up (sho' nuff)
Like, "May I see your work?"
I'm like oh, that's my boss, she a bitch
She know this
She looking at me every day
Like, Dave, where you going?
I'm looking back like, "Hoe
I hate your demanding"
To print some shit, but you don't even know
Now look what happened, now who rapping?

Now at work I ask to look at bitches' titties then this happens
Titties looking back at me like "Dicky, boy, what's cracking?"
I look back at titties like "I need a sec, I'm rapping"
Titties looking back at me like, "take your time, you snapping"
I'm like, "woo, I'm getting paid for that?"

[Hook:]
I'm getting paid for that?
Nah, I'm getting paid for that?
I'm getting paid for that?
Nah, I'm getting paid for that?
(All of these hoes been on me
I'll never go back homie)

Homie last week I was up in Miami
Got paid to chill in the club
Literally, chilling, like not even rapping
I think I did a good job
Sat down on Twitter, my new correspondence
Is going through all of these wonderful compliments
Used to be scrutinized in all these documents
Now when I sign off on something, it's body parts
Titty, booty, macking a cutie
Got a bag in the back of the room of the venue cause she copped that meet and greet
I got them going down in their prime like Aaliyah be
Used to post up, on time, no brakes
Got a purp poster on the vine, no grapes
Used to have to swallow all the pride
Had to piss out the slacks of the sack in the sweats every day
Used to buy brands, now the brands pay Dave

Like, I just got a box of Pumas, cause they think I'm cool
Watch me mention StarKist Tuna, watch my friends get full
I used to sit and wait for Friday
But now my whole week like a Friday

[Hook:]
I'm getting paid for that?
Nah, I'm getting paid for that?
I'm getting paid for that?
Nah, I'm getting paid for that?
(All of these hoes been on me
I'll never go back homie)

Last year I'm stuck up doing shit up in a cubicle
They tell me what to do, I'm thinking "f*ck that shit"
But y'all, I couldn't tell them what the f*ck I'm thinking
Now they're paying just to listen to this shit, I got up on my leg
Got three or four bitches who 'bout to get the fourth down
That's a first, I remember when what lunch I picked was all I get
My bitch make that coffee, now only boss me around when we f*ck
Was missing college but now they bringing me back, it's still fun
God damn Dicky, you too old to be f*cking all these kids
Yeah, I know, but if you can rap, it's a lot less creepy though

I'm smoking weed in public, but it never seem to matter
Dump a bottle of water on your clothes and you ecstatic
I don't ever have to set alarms, I wake up supernatural
I can grab a bitch's hand and she will scream "you so attractive"
How did this happen?

[Hook:]
I'm getting paid for that?
Nah, I'm getting paid for that?
I'm getting paid for that?
Nah, I'm getting paid for that?
(All of these hoes been on me
I'll never go back homie)

I used to be up in Excel every day with a bitch (very proficient)
Now I just suck on my dick, suck on my own dick, man
I suck on my own dick, every rapper do it
Just a thing, an inside thing I learned
It's absurd, it's like, I'm in the industry now, so, I'm seeing shit
Every rapper suck they own dick, it's not just me
Swear to God on the Bible

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---

Truman

Hey, man... man
Hey... hey

I guess y'all on board
Young Man couldn't leave that shore
Had the life they made for him 'til he seeked out more
Boat rock, couldn't see that storm
Held it up, dawg
He know he close
It's too late to jump ship (Hey)

Aw, damn! Aw, damn!
You that motherf*cker shit
I know
This here became a trip, Cabo
Up in the womb, but you can feel it when I kick it, I know
And you too (U2) must be rockin' with Lil Dicky, Bono
It's like I hit the lotto
I had to hit the wall though
I couldn't see it for a minute
Shit was hidden, Waldo
They treat it like I'm goin' crazy
I'm just prayin', I don't
It's just I know
It's just I know

I saw the world like, "Hold up"
Damn near fakin' on the side
Let me take you on a ride
Let me tell you bout the one who couldn't take the 9 to 5
Use to take the 95 down to Richmond
Bumpin' Jigga up in the ride
Use to think along and drive
'Bout my drive
Used to wonder why
Used to wonder when the world'l see like I'm seein' mine
Use to whine
Use to wanna shine
Used to wanna dine
Used to talk to bitches in my mind when they were walkin' by
"Girl, what's happenin'? Girl what's happenin'?"
I ain't really 'bout to get involved that's what's happenin'
Errything I knew was unevolved like a Baptist
Layin' on my matress
Prayin' I could have this, and
Now when I get Tinder matches
They think they've been Catfished
Now I been controlling how we livin' like a facist
Now I got this weight up off my shoulders like a strapless
Remember this shit was hapless
Remember the day it happened
Aw, you the shit Dave, you be killin' everything you did
Got the whole world talkin' all about what you did
Got your old girl talkin' all about what you is
Got your old world lookin' like it's his you ain't here
I been f*ckin' for the f*ck of it
And one of the bitches I been f*ckin' with
Been wondering how I can work this much and stomach it
She wonders what I want from it
I said, "We don't gotta get into it"
She like "Nah, just do it"
She a psychology student
She always followin' up
Find the guy to be amusing as f*ck
Usually I'll answer her truthfully
But truthfully, I'm unusually used to being unusually good at internalizing when music is not provided
But I humor hoe
Ask her if she ever saw the Truman Show
She like yeah
I like well, when I saw that shit I was convinced I was livin' like Jim
A similar situation where I was the basis of everyone's entertainment
Like really up in the basement talkin to y'all
In the mirror because I thought Lil David was some American hero
I know it's selfish and all
But I just felt it's my call
I was a ten year old then
By 2010 I was wrong
I'm like

"Aw, damn! Aw, damn!
You the motherf*cker though"
I know
That shit became a trip, Cabo
Up in the womb, but you can feel it when I kick it, I know
And you too (U2) must be rockin' with Lil Dicky, Bono
It's like I hit the lotto
I had to hit the wall though
I couldn't see it for a minute
Shit was hidden, Waldo
They treat it like I'm goin' crazy
I'm just playin', I don't
It's just I know
It's just I know

Twenty three bars up in my apartment
I am debarred
Gotta do this shit
I gotta recharge
But I gotta be smart
Movin' up that ladder company
Star, f*ck it, that ain't nothin'
I am *the* star
Spittin' like a retard
Work was like a prison
I'm just seein' bars
My boss was all up in my camp
And I'm just seein' Lars
I been a heavyweight, Muhammad Ali
And if he can mold that out of "Clay"
Then I can turn the Lil D
So now I'm snappin' like I'm Truman
But off and on
There's always somethin' in the way
I should be often gone
Girl I'm sorry if this draggin'
I just need you to imagine
Bein' stuck up on the land without a captain
When everyday is average
And everyday you feelin' like a captive
And feel like somethin' seriously lackin'
And then you fear what could happen if you just leave it on the table like napkins
But, yo, you really fearin' hitting them rappin's and leaving everything behind
Cause you don't know what that horizon brings
But girl you gotta know what kind of fish you is
Survival instinct kicked in
Sink or swim
I flipped a playlist
Quit my day gig
Now, I'm on a boat, Lonely Island
Irony, and you still been tryin' to figure how I work this tirelessly
But girl
This is everything I've thought
This for everything I've fought
This for who I am to me becomes to y'all

(Go)
They tellin' me "nah"
But I just be tellin' them "yeah" (Go)
I just be tellin' them "yeah" (Go)
I just be tellin' them "yeah"
Tell 'em I'm gone (Yeah)
I just pretend I ain't scared (Go)
Don't even know I was there (Go)
Don't even know if I care
Cause girl this is Truman approachin' the wall
Until I'm me I am nothin' at all
Until I'm free I will not see beyone
I had to be who I was all along
Ay [crash]

I think I mighta broke it down
Hoppin' on the f*ckin' steps like ain't no around
Open up that door, you bet, ship ain't goin' down
Guess the only thing left is to take a bow

Aw, damn! Aw, damn!
You that motherf*cker shit
I know
This ship became a trip, Cabo
Up in the womb, but you can feel it when I kick it, I know
And you too (U2) must be rockin' with Lil Dicky, Bono
It's like I hit the lotto
I had to hit the wall though
I couldn't see it for a minute
Shit was hidden, Waldo
They treat it like I'm goin' crazy
I'm just prayin', I don't
It's just I know
It's just I know

(Just I know) F*ck! (Just I know (echo))
That felt good
Well, that's all I got
The show is over, as they say

Honestly, I just think that part in the Truman Show where his boat hits the wall is really the exact
Moment that I'm at in my own life right now
Uh... metaphorically, of course
And I'm ready for - I think I'm read for it
Like I've been thinkin' about it, I think I'm ready
I mean, if I'm being completely transparent with y'all
Uh, like my lifestyle hasn't really changed that much
Uh, you know, considering, uh, where I think I'm at musically
Like I'm still at the point right now where pretty much any bitch that tweets at me anything remotely flirtatious
I have seen not just one of your pictures, I have seen the entire catalog
That's the type of shit that's goin' down over here right now, so...
I am definitely ready for that, uh, next step, y'know what I'm sayin'?
I think it's close, too
I think it's close
Like, uh, Diddy tweeted about me
Uh, y'know, that... I don't know if he handles his own Twitter
I would assume he probably doesn't, actually
But, like, I'm so confident that I feel as though, like, me and Diddy will have a moment just about this outro
Like when we're both sittin' next to each other smokin' cigars
And bein' like, "Ay, remember when you said that shit on that outro?"
Like, and I'm like, "Yeah. That's, this is the exact moment I - I did that for, y'know what I'm sayin'?"

Bring the - bring the beat back up. I don't know why
Like, keep, loop everything. I wanna be talkin' for minutes, yeah, uh, y'know what I'm sayin'?

Like, uh, shout out my Macbook Pro
Had that shit since '09
I made my first song ever on it
Like, when I called myself Lil Dicky
I made my, like, f*ckin' album song on that shit
And we survived, baby

Uh, shoutout Allen Iverson, Larry David, Will Smith, and Kobe Bryant
For makin' me the man that I am today
Both on and off the court

Shout out my mother
What a great woman
She's so mad I recorded these conversations
She - she honestly went crazy
It took so much convincing to allow this
But, she's awesome
She's adapting to the rap game, as we all are

Look, I just want to get this to a place where I can sell TMZ pictures of my actual asshole
Heh, y'know?
Cause, well, I, I think that'd be such a feat
If I could actually create, like, an alt alias
And sell TMZ pictures of my own asshole
Like, profit off of that
That, I would totally do it
I don't know why Seth Rogen's not already doing it
I don't, I'm seein' the signs that it's not, I'm
I think I'm seein' the signs
I hope I am
If I'm really just misreading all these signs
Then, I am 100% gonna have, like, a legitimate nervous breakdown
Uh, at some point very soon
So, we'll find out about that
But I see some signs
Like, like I really am not f*ckin' that much
But, like, the other day I did f*ck a bitch to music
Like, I f*cked a bitch to some Miguel
And that's kind of new for me if I'm bein' real
Like, I had never actually done it before
But I was feelin' like I was some king shit
Y'know what I'm sayin'?
So, I was like, "Man, Imma f*ck this bitch to some Miguel right now"
Uh, actually to be completely real to you, I, I will never f*ck a girl to music again
I found the whole thing to feel, like, completely cliche
Like, I don't need my emotions dictated to me by, like, music
It makes me feel like I'm in a TV scene
Takes all the, like, realness out of the moment for me
Like, actually, was actually super weirded out by it

So, but still, like, I am about to let my hair down
And, I don't know, I just feel like it's all comin'
I feel like, like, I'm literally, like, about to find out about everything
And it's exciting
And, I, y'know, I, I had pinkeye last week
And I remember thinkin' that, as I, like, was like, real down
Cause I was, like, trying to keep recording and shit
But I was thinking, "What would Michael Jordan do?"
And he would play through the pinkeye
So that's why I'm in here
I'm still not fully recovered, y'know what I'm sayin'?
I, I'm definitely clearin' up
Like, it's totally on the upswing
But, I just want you know I did record this shit through pinkeye

Alright, I could talk for f*ckin' years
Legitimate years
This is an outro to an out
You see how long I talk with outros to songs
But, goddamn
Look, I need to get out of here
I'm 'bout to go take a Khalifa
Rest up
That's right, I did invent that phrase just there
"Take a Khalifa"
Y'know what I'm sayin'?
I also invented "That's what she said"
But I get no credit for it
Uh, oh, shoutout to Dickheads, obviously
Fundin' this whole operation
Whatchu know about a Kickstarter, man?
Whatchu know about the best fans in the world?
Seriously
Thank you guys, I appreciate it
Honestly, you made my dreams come true, and that's fact
Couldn't have done this without y'all
Uh, I'd like to shoutout my dick
I know, y'know, we haven't had the smoothest relationship
But, I feel as though by kind of putting our issues out there
Like, we have become something bigger than we could have become otherwise
And, hopefully soon you will be rewarded for your patience
And I will be rewarded for my patience
I, and, I respect you
I'd like to shoutout my brain
My brain got the hardest verse on the whole goddamn album
I hope my brain starts gettin' some feature looks
But he don't just hop on shit

F*ck, I, I got nothin' left
I'm out
I'm a professional rapper
Long live LD
And in case I don't see ya
"Good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight."

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