Hail to the naïf
Come and laugh at the fool
The figurehead of fecklessness
The manne-king of ridicule
Meet my imaginary friend and finger-puppet adversary
Why face a hard truth
When you can vilify a huckleberry?
Dress him up for the debate du jour
The perfect sparring dolly
He'll bob and weave any good idea into punch-drunk folly
When the opposition's point could not be any clearer
He'll twist it to absurdity, a verbal funhouse mirror
Meet Mr. Gerry Mander, the maestro of deflection
He draws the laughter while I avoid a close inspection
He makes a mockery of logic and valid reason
A man with a misquote for every season
His impersonation of the opposition has them crying foul
No depravity too low to make the fanbase howl
He's got the number for the hotline directly to your fears
Saves you the nuisance of consulting that thing between your ears
Meet my imaginary friend
Come and meet my imaginary friend