"OK so I'm leaving you a message because I can't play this game. First of all when it comes to dropping an audition or a gig I never asked you to do any of that, never and you're comparing apples to oranges because you have no idea what's going on in my life right now, none. cnd I'm choosing to keep it that way because at this moment in time I don't particularly feel safe around you emotionally.
Clmost missing your 30th birthday yeah that is true. I was at the emergency vet, my dog hit me up from 2:30 in the morning, he's 15 years old and I actually thought that he was going to pass away so my heart my head my mind was someplace else entirely.
I actually have a birthday card here that I was going to send to you but here's the reason I didn't send it Luana. I didn't send it because I was actually nervous as to how it would be perceived.
I did not want to open the door to having the freight train that you have been in my life since we got together, you have been excuse my language a f*cking freight train that has a run and almost damn near over me with all of this emotion and this and that and I have done everything that I can think of just to like be in a calm space and be as kind and loving as I possibly can going hey wait a minute, this is not working for me right. I've been honest with you from day one.
Ct no point have I ever said that there was anything wrong with you so you can get off of that because if I say something is wrong something is wrong.
I'm in this with you, but I'm not pointing at you and saying that something is wrong and I sure certainly do have, I have no desire to fix anyone, certainly not trying to fix you.
I don't have the time or the energy or the effort to put into that and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with you nor anything broken. I don't think you need to be fixed you know.
When I said you're growth and all of those things that I made those references to you it's because of what you said to me just two or three or four weeks ago, somewhere in that you know. Not that long ago. You were talking about your growth in your journey and your path. So that's what I was referring to.
So you can like get off of any of that. I don't appreciate it. cnd I do work on myself all the time. I'm not seeing mistakes in anyone. I don't want to fix anyone and at this moment in time if that's who you think I am, then you haven't got a clue as to who I am. cnd that's fine and that's fair. I'm somehow not surprised at that. So I don't know where to go at this moment in time with you. I want to, I'm I'm taking a time out. I don't, I don't need this in my life. You you're treating me at this moment as if we're been in some kind of long-term 10 year relationship and we haven't..."
"Hey I just wanted to finish. I didn't wanna leave it on the note that it was. I'm sorry that I got kind of passionate. I'm tired. You know this has not been easy for me either, OK. cnd it is pretty strange to to not send somebody a birthday card because you honestly don't know if it's going to fire you know gasoline on the fire and reignite something that that honestly I don't want reignited. I don't want to be ignited. I don't, I don't want that the that that level of to me it just felt like like a freight train, just run me over.
Cnd and I'm kind of sad because it seems like a little while back there you were in a better place and you were sharing with me your own path of growth in this and that which is the only reason why I wrecked I said anything about it in any text. But it it doesn't matter. It seems like what I say I try to say it as clearly and and truly with compassion and caring cause I care about you and it's not being received that way.
I do work on myself all the time, all the time. This is a big commitment that I have to myself which is why I'm honest, which is why I was able to say look this isn't this isn't what I I can't be what you need me to be, you know.
It wasn't coming from a place that it's all about me at all, actually it has more come from a place that I don't want to hurt somebody and I certainly never meant to hurt you. But at the same time honey I have to say that I can't take like all this responsibility for creating pain for yourself. If you almost fell apart and this is devastating to you I've got to say that you did a lot of that to yourself.
Because if you really honestly think back on all the conversations we've had, I have never ever ever lied to you or eluded or pretended anything more than truly what was real and authentic coming from me to you.
Cnd that's the only place I've come from, from the get go to this moment am I get that it's not really received that way. It's it's obvious that it's not received that way. I don't know what to do at this moment in time but I do know that I don't feel emotionally safe with you at this point in time and that's a pretty rugged statement. That by itself would keep me from coming to New York at this point in time.
Not forever, but at this point in time. I just don't feel emotionally safe with you. I felt a lot better about things not too long ago but this last exchange. I am sorry and I'm you know I'm sorry about your birthday. Sorry that my head was..."
Luana Sandoval - Final Discard Lyrics
Luana Sandoval - Final Discard Lyrics
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"OK so I'm leaving you a message because I can't play this game. First of all when it comes to dropping an audition or a gig I never asked you to do any of that, never and you're comparing apples to oranges because you have no idea what's going on in my life right now, none. cnd I'm choosing to keep it that way because at this moment in time I don't particularly feel safe around you emotionally.
Clmost missing your 30th birthday yeah that is true. I was at the emergency vet, my dog hit me up from 2:30 in the morning, he's 15 years old and I actually thought that he was going to pass away so my heart my head my mind was someplace else entirely.
I actually have a birthday card here that I was going to send to you but here's the reason I didn't send it Luana. I didn't send it because I was actually nervous as to how it would be perceived.
I did not want to open the door to having the freight train that you have been in my life since we got together, you have been excuse my language a f*cking freight train that has a run and almost damn near over me with all of this emotion and this and that and I have done everything that I can think of just to like be in a calm space and be as kind and loving as I possibly can going hey wait a minute, this is not working for me right. I've been honest with you from day one.
Ct no point have I ever said that there was anything wrong with you so you can get off of that because if I say something is wrong something is wrong.
I'm in this with you, but I'm not pointing at you and saying that something is wrong and I sure certainly do have, I have no desire to fix anyone, certainly not trying to fix you.
I don't have the time or the energy or the effort to put into that and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with you nor anything broken. I don't think you need to be fixed you know.
When I said you're growth and all of those things that I made those references to you it's because of what you said to me just two or three or four weeks ago, somewhere in that you know. Not that long ago. You were talking about your growth in your journey and your path. So that's what I was referring to.
So you can like get off of any of that. I don't appreciate it. cnd I do work on myself all the time. I'm not seeing mistakes in anyone. I don't want to fix anyone and at this moment in time if that's who you think I am, then you haven't got a clue as to who I am. cnd that's fine and that's fair. I'm somehow not surprised at that. So I don't know where to go at this moment in time with you. I want to, I'm I'm taking a time out. I don't, I don't need this in my life. You you're treating me at this moment as if we're been in some kind of long-term 10 year relationship and we haven't..."
"Hey I just wanted to finish. I didn't wanna leave it on the note that it was. I'm sorry that I got kind of passionate. I'm tired. You know this has not been easy for me either, OK. cnd it is pretty strange to to not send somebody a birthday card because you honestly don't know if it's going to fire you know gasoline on the fire and reignite something that that honestly I don't want reignited. I don't want to be ignited. I don't, I don't want that the that that level of to me it just felt like like a freight train, just run me over.
Cnd and I'm kind of sad because it seems like a little while back there you were in a better place and you were sharing with me your own path of growth in this and that which is the only reason why I wrecked I said anything about it in any text. But it it doesn't matter. It seems like what I say I try to say it as clearly and and truly with compassion and caring cause I care about you and it's not being received that way.
I do work on myself all the time, all the time. This is a big commitment that I have to myself which is why I'm honest, which is why I was able to say look this isn't this isn't what I I can't be what you need me to be, you know.
It wasn't coming from a place that it's all about me at all, actually it has more come from a place that I don't want to hurt somebody and I certainly never meant to hurt you. But at the same time honey I have to say that I can't take like all this responsibility for creating pain for yourself. If you almost fell apart and this is devastating to you I've got to say that you did a lot of that to yourself.
Because if you really honestly think back on all the conversations we've had, I have never ever ever lied to you or eluded or pretended anything more than truly what was real and authentic coming from me to you.
Cnd that's the only place I've come from, from the get go to this moment am I get that it's not really received that way. It's it's obvious that it's not received that way. I don't know what to do at this moment in time but I do know that I don't feel emotionally safe with you at this point in time and that's a pretty rugged statement. That by itself would keep me from coming to New York at this point in time.
Not forever, but at this point in time. I just don't feel emotionally safe with you. I felt a lot better about things not too long ago but this last exchange. I am sorry and I'm you know I'm sorry about your birthday. Sorry that my head was..."
Clmost missing your 30th birthday yeah that is true. I was at the emergency vet, my dog hit me up from 2:30 in the morning, he's 15 years old and I actually thought that he was going to pass away so my heart my head my mind was someplace else entirely.
I actually have a birthday card here that I was going to send to you but here's the reason I didn't send it Luana. I didn't send it because I was actually nervous as to how it would be perceived.
I did not want to open the door to having the freight train that you have been in my life since we got together, you have been excuse my language a f*cking freight train that has a run and almost damn near over me with all of this emotion and this and that and I have done everything that I can think of just to like be in a calm space and be as kind and loving as I possibly can going hey wait a minute, this is not working for me right. I've been honest with you from day one.
Ct no point have I ever said that there was anything wrong with you so you can get off of that because if I say something is wrong something is wrong.
I'm in this with you, but I'm not pointing at you and saying that something is wrong and I sure certainly do have, I have no desire to fix anyone, certainly not trying to fix you.
I don't have the time or the energy or the effort to put into that and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with you nor anything broken. I don't think you need to be fixed you know.
When I said you're growth and all of those things that I made those references to you it's because of what you said to me just two or three or four weeks ago, somewhere in that you know. Not that long ago. You were talking about your growth in your journey and your path. So that's what I was referring to.
So you can like get off of any of that. I don't appreciate it. cnd I do work on myself all the time. I'm not seeing mistakes in anyone. I don't want to fix anyone and at this moment in time if that's who you think I am, then you haven't got a clue as to who I am. cnd that's fine and that's fair. I'm somehow not surprised at that. So I don't know where to go at this moment in time with you. I want to, I'm I'm taking a time out. I don't, I don't need this in my life. You you're treating me at this moment as if we're been in some kind of long-term 10 year relationship and we haven't..."
"Hey I just wanted to finish. I didn't wanna leave it on the note that it was. I'm sorry that I got kind of passionate. I'm tired. You know this has not been easy for me either, OK. cnd it is pretty strange to to not send somebody a birthday card because you honestly don't know if it's going to fire you know gasoline on the fire and reignite something that that honestly I don't want reignited. I don't want to be ignited. I don't, I don't want that the that that level of to me it just felt like like a freight train, just run me over.
Cnd and I'm kind of sad because it seems like a little while back there you were in a better place and you were sharing with me your own path of growth in this and that which is the only reason why I wrecked I said anything about it in any text. But it it doesn't matter. It seems like what I say I try to say it as clearly and and truly with compassion and caring cause I care about you and it's not being received that way.
I do work on myself all the time, all the time. This is a big commitment that I have to myself which is why I'm honest, which is why I was able to say look this isn't this isn't what I I can't be what you need me to be, you know.
It wasn't coming from a place that it's all about me at all, actually it has more come from a place that I don't want to hurt somebody and I certainly never meant to hurt you. But at the same time honey I have to say that I can't take like all this responsibility for creating pain for yourself. If you almost fell apart and this is devastating to you I've got to say that you did a lot of that to yourself.
Because if you really honestly think back on all the conversations we've had, I have never ever ever lied to you or eluded or pretended anything more than truly what was real and authentic coming from me to you.
Cnd that's the only place I've come from, from the get go to this moment am I get that it's not really received that way. It's it's obvious that it's not received that way. I don't know what to do at this moment in time but I do know that I don't feel emotionally safe with you at this point in time and that's a pretty rugged statement. That by itself would keep me from coming to New York at this point in time.
Not forever, but at this point in time. I just don't feel emotionally safe with you. I felt a lot better about things not too long ago but this last exchange. I am sorry and I'm you know I'm sorry about your birthday. Sorry that my head was..."