Magician's Red - Defeated Lyrics

Curtains
Always drawn so you can't see the sea of trash that I live in
Both lightbulbs out
Spots of mould on bathroom tiles
I woke up today when the department head herself
Called me and politely asked me where have I been

I've been busy being tormented by
Thoughts of self-doubt, fear, longing, and the apocalypse
A never-ending stream of what-ifs, they feel so real

It's hard to make ends meet when you've got a chronic illness
And it's hard to get it treated when you're broke
They sent me to another place
I had to fill out the forms again
And then explain the whole thing from the top

I know it's not my choice
But it's hard to escape the feeling of letting everybody down

Getting better is hard work and often makes you feel worse
I need something to make it all worthwhile

So the days fly by
It's unbearable how much I miss the warmth of the human touch
How I wish I could just walk up to you and hold you in my arms
And it would be OK

Even though we're friends I fear it might be strange

The passage of time is frightening
I wonder if I still can get started with my life

At the height of anxiety
All the things that are dear to me
Feel almost like they don't exist at all

So the years fly by
It's unbearable how much I miss the warmth of the human touch
How I wish I could just walk up to you and hold you in my arms
And there would be no shame

Life is not much fun
When it always feels like love is out of reach
Is it ever enough?

As a man you're not supposed to feel this way