Marz - Metacognition Lyrics

Up all night and I Can't even sleep All I see
Are demons next to me
Pain in my heart
Don't know how long that'll be
I'm checking the time on the clock of course I'm up past 3
Every day is a new day, but I'm feeling like the same me
Finally went to sleep but now I see Demons so bad
I almost ended my life
But yet I can't sleep
I see demons in the night
(night, night, night)

Quivering and shaking
Gotta be hustling through the night
Don't know if my time will come
But I know it ain't over yet
Don't know whether to go smoke or just go drink again
Pain so deep in my heart, that you couldn't understand
I could write a whole book, and you still wouldn't comprehend

Im hurting inside but smiling showing teeth
Hop on live just to show you that I'm happy
But I'm slowly dying inside
They don't know that all I wanna do is sleep inside my bed peacefully
They don't know how hard I've cried when the memories come back to me
Up all night sick and tired praying for a miracle
Because only God can see that the pain keeps breaking me

Protected my peace for so long that I ain't go no more in me
Do you know what it feels like to beg for love your whole life and wind up lonely
I'm hoping someone understands, but I have yet to find them
Wishing my soul is fed just like the lies they tell me
Lying on my name thinking I won't hear about it
But I see right through the facade
They acting so wellI think their favorite game is charades
(haha)

How could you apologize and cry to my face
Made me believe you, but you just another snake
How could you live with yourself knowing you
Tried to save the person who didn't even
Wanna save themselves
I learned the hard way that some people won't change
Thinking about my own life and all the trauma and all the pain
I had no one to help me when I was going insane
Stuck in my head (my head) was the thought of losing it all over again
I know I aint sane
I know I aint sane
I know I'm insane
I know I'm insane
I know im insane
I know I aint sane
I know I aint sane
I know I'm insane

I had no one to pray for me
Cry with me, hold my hand and laugh with me
No one to save me, love me, never neglect me
I wish someone supported me
I wish I didnt feel this lonely
I wish the tears would stop falling but theres no one to hold me
Up all night again
(damn)
Don't know if it's the depression or the fear losing my mind all over again
Don't know if it's the PTSD that's making me go crazy or it's the people around me

Don't know if I can even comprehend all the violence that's happening
Don't know if I can make it another night without relapsing
It Feels like sleep paralysis got more of a hold on me then Satan
You don't know what it's like when every night you're dreaming of demons
Hallucinating recreating all the trauma you thought you let go in ya life
Waking up each day with anxiety
Wishing you never woke up again so all this pain in your head would soon end
What kinda life is that I'm living
Praying for a miracle and asking for forgiveness
And now I feel guilty cuz I know that being alive and healthy is a privilege
I have to thank God that it wasn't me he chose to take yet.

I'm Blessed to be in my own bed sick even tho Im up past 3
Cuz I know this too shall pass just like God told me
But Sleep paralysis is taken a toll on me
Endless nightmares and demons
I think I see Freddy Krueger coming to take me