MC Hammersmith - First Date Tips Lyrics

Here's my tips for a great first date
Tip one: compliment her, say she looks great
Tip two: listen well, be relaxed and stay loose
Tip three: don't reveal that you're secretly a goose
If she asks for your job, keep the details sparse
Say you work in ecology: not you eat grass
Speaking of which, order food if you need
But don't ask for too much fresh sedge or duckweed
No goose vocabulary should you be dropping
If she asks"favourite actor?" not Ryan Gosling
When you're at the bar in a line for libations
Don't honk to instigate a V-formation
If you get nervous, whatever you say
Don't fan out your wings as a threat display
If directions to the bathroom she wants revealed
Don't give them in relation to the Earth's magnetic field
If she asks"my place?" say"definitely yours"
Cos you live in a nest of dry lichen and straws
But don't let her kiss you or touch your prosthesis
Conceal your beak - and your corkscrew penis
So don't be goose-like or take her to bed
Remember your mission: steal her bread
Loaves in your feathers, escape her with stealth
And finally, tip four: just be yourself