Felt so alive when I was 17 then
Overnight was 23 and falling
With this apathetic attitude and
Over-eager aptitude for stalling
All so suddenly I realised I'd
Built myself a life
Less-than-enthralling
And somewhere way off
In the distance
I was sure I heard somebody calling
Calling
Don't be a, don't be afraid
It's not too, it's not too late
It's so damn hard to break routines
When your survival was the
Reason that you'd made them
See the years have not been
Kind to me, so honestly
I think I'm almost broken
I cut my wrist by accident
When washing out the bottles
From the weekend
Then I just watched in wonder
As my body knew just
How to make the skin mend, mend
The pain is, the pain is real
But you can, but you can heal
See when you're told that
You're special
You can laugh through the lies
Then when you come to see
You're not
It's like all of your energy just dies
And I appreciate you asking but
I'm not chasing anymore
Thanks for checking in but
It's not me you're looking for
When I cannot make my mind up
All I wanna do is
Find a hole to sink through
Or I just sit with my self-pity
Then indulge in things
I'd rather not admit to
Even admitting that I'm
Non-committal
Seems a little too much to commit to
Do you ever feel there's
Something big
Around the corner
Waiting to come hit you?
'Cos I do
I always do
I never dreamed I'd be a martyr
But I offered myself up
God knows what I was thinking
But the self-nomination's stuck
So now I'm watching
With my eyes closed
And bracing for the crash
I'll share everything I have with you
Though no-one ever asked
And as the close of day washed away
A little of the shame
This life was bringing
I started to remind myself
It seemed like everyone but me
Was winning
Then through the silence in my mind
I heard the echoes of the
Songs I should be singing
And as I stopped to catch my breath
I almost felt
The speed the earth was spinning