Welcome to the island of your dreams
We applaud you for choosing to stay with us in this your short
Fragile, putrid, limited existence
Now enjoy our pristine beaches
The always active nightlife
And crush your curiosity
With the greatest feat of nuclear engineering known to the multiverse
The effects of the sedatives should wear off relatively soon
We apologize for any turbulence you may have felt
But the waters surrounding the island
Present particularly traitorous flying conditions
Please find your travel guide immediately
We suggest you see some of the sights before the night hits