NF - The Search Album Lyrics

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The Search

Hey Nate, how's life?
I don't know, it's alright
I've been dealin' with some things like every human being
And really didn't sleep much last night (Last night)

I'm sorry, that's fine
I just think I need a little me time
I just think I need a little free time
Little break from the shows and the bus rides, yeah (Bus rides)

Last year I had a breakdown
Thoughts tellin' me I'm lost, gettin' too loud
Had to see a therapist and I found out
Somethin' funny's going on up in my house

Yeah, started thinkin' maybe I should move out
You know, pack my cart, take a new route
Clean up my yard, get the noose out
Hang up my heart, let it air out (Air out)

I've been searchin'
What does that mean, Nate?
I've been learning
Grabbin' my keepsakes, leavin' my burdens
Well, I brought a few with me, I'm not perfect

Lookin' at the view like this concerns me
Pickin' up the cues, right? I'm quite nervous
Hate it when I lose sight, life gets blurry
And things might hurt me
It's probably gonna be a long journey, but hey! (But hey!)

It's worth it though
Cold world out there, kids, grab your coats
Been a minute, I know, now I'm back to roam
Lookin' for the antidote to crack the code

Pretty vivid; I admit it, I'm in classic mode
Don't need pity given to me but I can't condone
Talkin' down to me, I'ma have to crack your nose for crackin' jokes
I'm lookin' for the map to hope, you seen it? (You seen it?)

Been makin' a whole lot of changes
Wrote a song about that, you should play it
I get scared when I walk on these stages
I look at the crowd and see so many faces, yeah

That's when I start to get anxious
That's when my thoughts can be dangerous
That's when I put on my make-up and drown in self-hatred
Forget what I'm saying, and
Where'd the beat go?

Oh, ain't that somethin'?
Drums came in, you ain't see that comin'
Hands on my head, can't tell me nothin'
Got a taste of the fame, had to pump my stomach

Throw it back up like I don't want it
Wipe my face, clean up my vomit
OCD, tryna push my buttons
I said don't touch it, now y'all done it

I can be critical, never typical
Intricate with every syllable, I'm a criminal
Intimate, but never political, pretty visual
Even if you hate it, I'll make it feel like you're in it though

You call me what you wanna, but never call me forgettable
Leave you deep in thought, I could never swim in the kiddie pool
Way that I been thinkin' this cinematic is beautiful
Man, I don't know if I'm makin' movies or music videos (videos, videos)

Yeah, the sales can rise
Doesn't mean much though when your health declines
See, we've all got somethin' that we trapped inside
That we try to suffocate, you know, hopin' it dies

Try to hold it underwater but it always survives
Then it comes up out of nowhere like an evil surprise
Then it hovers over you to tell you millions of lies
You don't relate to that? Must not be as crazy as I am

The point I'm makin' is the mind is a powerful place
And what you feed it can affect you in a powerful way
It's pretty cool, right? Yeah, but it's not always safe
Just hang with me, this'll only take a moment, OK?

Just think about it for a second, if you look at your face
Every day when you get up and think you'll never be great
You'll never be great-not because you're not, but the hate
Will always find a way to cut you up and murder your faith (Woo!)

I am developin', take a look at the benefits
Nothin' to meddle with, I can never be delicate
Am I even relevant? That depends how you measure it
Take a measurement, then bag it up and give me the evidence

It's pretty evident; dependable can never be tentative
I'm a gentleman, depending on if I think you're genuine
Pretty elegant but not afraid to tell you to get a grip
Proper etiquette, I keep it to myself when I celebrate, ah!

It's that time again
Better grab your balloons and invite your friends
Seatbelts back on, yeah, strap 'em in
Look at me, everybody, I'm smilin' big

On a road right now that I can't predict
Tell me "Tone that down", but I can't resist
Y'all know that sound, better raise your fists
The search begins, I'm back, so enjoy the trip, huh (Huh, huh)

---

Leave Me Alone

Hey!
Leave me alone

Painic-stricken, handle business, not a joke, yeah
Manners missing, travel different, no control, yeah
Time to listen, time to zip it, keep it closed
My description, highly gifted, take some notes, yeah
Lack of interest, why'd you visit? Hit the road, yeah
I'm kinda twisted, so keep your distance, be a ghost
Yeah, see I'm inventive, but quite the menace, you ain't know?
Well then I'm offended, let's jog your memories, here we go, yeah
I went from nobody to kinda famous
Hide my plaques inside the closet, I just can't explain it
My wife, she tells me that she's proud and thinks that I should hang 'em
But I just leave 'em on the ground right next to my self-hatred
Yeah, yeah, mental health, where's my mental health?
Diagnosed with OCD, what does that mean? Well, gather 'round
That means I obsessively obsess on things I think about
That means I might take a normal thought and think it's so profound (leave me alone)
Ruminating, fill balloons up full of doubt
Do the same things, if I don't, I'm overwhelmed
Thoughts are pacing, they go 'round and 'round and 'round
It's so draining, let's move onto something else, fine
I'm in the game, but they don't even know it
Like I'm undercover and don't want to blow it
I come out of nowhere, they don't even notice
The flow is so cold, you would think it was snowing
I'm under the weather, but wind isn't blowing
I got an umbrella for difficult moments
You got to admit it, I'm very devoted
I'm out in the ring, but they don't always help me, so I

Hold up my balloons and cover up my face
I can feel them weighing on me every day
I should let 'em go and watch 'em float away
But I'm scared if I do, then I'll be more afraid
Tell them how I feel, but they don't want to change
Tell them how I feel, but they remain the same
Loosen up my grip, they say that's not okay
Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, ay, leave me alone!

Ay, yeah
Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, ay (yeah), leave me alone!
Woo, yeah
Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, ay (yeah), leave me alone!

I hate when they debate if we're underrated
We're so overlooked that they're looking over our numbers, Nathan (leave me alone)
We don't do enough interviews or go out in public lately
We don't post enough on our socials
To keep the buzz from fading (leave me alone)
Let it fade, yeah, let it fade
Once it's decimated, then you drop a song out of nowhere
And all the fans embrace it (leave me alone)
Then the buzz will surface again, it's part of my operation
I don't need advice from my doubts right now end of conversation (leave me alone)
Shut your mouth, yeah, shut your mouth
Better tone it down, close it now
If you make a sound, I'ma change your dial (leave me alone)
Funny how they be acting loud, comin' on it now
It's floating 'round
Man, the kid is wild, pretty wild, true (leave me alone)
I'm kinda phony but don't really show it
I keep it together, but have a disorder
I go to my room and I sit in my corner
And talk to myself in a language that's foreign (leave me alone)
I think of a rhyme and I have to record it
But know if I don't, I'll wake up in the morning
And question my life again, always avoiding
I hate to be different, but hate to be normal, so I (leave me alone)

Hold up my balloons and cover up my face
I can feel them weighing on me every day
I should let 'em go and watch 'em float away
But I'm scared if I do, then I'll be more afraid
Tell them how I feel, but they don't want to change
Tell them how I feel, but they remain the same
Loosen up my grip, they say that's not okay
Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, ay, leave me alone!

Ay, yeah
Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, ay (yeah), leave me alone!
Woo, yeah
Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, ay (yeah), leave me alone!

Remember back in "NO NAME," I said fame called?
Told you I hung up, it kinda felt wrong (leave me alone)
Finally called him back, we didn't talk long
He asked me how I'd been, I sent him this song (leave me alone)
Yeah, think he took offense, he kinda seemed off
I texted him that night to ask what he thought (leave me alone)
It took a couple days to get a response
But once I finally did, he said this song sucks (leave me alone)
Here are the symptoms, couldn't miss 'em, wrestle with 'em
Then I penny flip 'em, bounce 'em back up nowhere, you should get some
Who you dissin'? Move the switch and don't come in the kitchen
You should listen, cookin' records for my hands are blistering
So persistent, don't forget this, hold the tension, soul is bending
No pretending, open ended, low percentage, so demented
Whole consensus, flow tremendous, no apprentice, no incentive
Show intensive, so possessive, tone aggressive, watch your step when I

Hold up my balloons and cover up my face (up my face)
I can feel them weighing on me every day (yeah, every day)
I should let 'em go and watch them float away (yeah, float away)
But I'm scared if I do then I'll be more afraid
Leave me alone (yeah), leave me alone (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Leave me alone, leave me alone (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Leave me alone, leave me alone (yeah, leave me alone)
Leave me alone, leave me alone, ay, leave me alone!

Ay, yeah
Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, ay (yeah), leave me alone!
Woo, yeah
Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, ay (yeah), leave me alone!
Ay, yeah
Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, ay (yeah), leave me alone!
Woo, yeah
Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, ay (leave me alone)

---

Change

Yeah, look
I don't do drugs, I'm addicted to the pain though
Yeah, I been on it for a while, dunno how to put it down
Gotta have it, it's a habit I'ma break though
I just wanna take a hit, keep sayin' I'ma quit
Keep sayin' I'ma leave, but I stay though
I just want a little fix, I don't wanna take a risk
I don't like it when I drift from the safe zone
But lately, I been thinkin' I'ma have to
Lettin' go of things that I'm attached to
World don't stop just because I'm in a bad mood
You don't know what love is 'til you holdin' onto somethin' that you can't lose
I swear I'm tryna get it together
Sleeves up, puttin' work in, tryna be better
I like to rap, but I ain't gon' do it forever
Forget to charge up my focus, and I'm holdin' my head up
Moment I get up, I just wanna know I'm doin' my best
And if I'm not, Lord forgive me, you can handle regrets
'Cause I can feel the water tryna go up over my head
Most of my life, I always felt like I was holdin' my breath
Holdin' my chest to be honest, so I'm tired of it
Lookin' for somethin' in my life to be inspired again
I like to walk around and act like I don't know what it is
But I know what it is, I just never wanna commit

Runnin' from change
I'm lookin' for change
I'm searchin' for change
I'm lookin' for change
I just want, I just want change

Yeah, I don't like new things
Got a lot of mood swings
Oh, you wanna tell me somethin' negative?
I don't wanna hear what you think
Yeah, tossin' in my sleep
Every night feel like two weeks
Thinkin' 'bout how I could have done this or done that better
Can't help it, that's just me, lies
That's me avoidin' the change
Yeah, that's probably why the issues ain't goin' away
Yeah, that's probably why I always sit around and complain
Tellin' myself that I ain't never gettin' out of this place
Out of my face if you tellin' me I need to be different
That's the issue though, I'm always insecurity-driven
Takin' the wrong turns, actin' like I know where I'm headed
Waitin' for somethin' bad to happen, I can snap any minute
I need change
Yeah, that's kinda easy to say, right?
But difficult to do when I feel like I hate life
And everyone around me kinda thinks I'm a great guy
But I don't ever think it so I think I'm a fake liar
Change, it somethin' that I know I should do
I'm a little uncomfortable to tell you the truth
But to be honest with you lately, I got nothin' to lose
See, I've always been full of pain, but now I'm makin' some room

Lookin' for change
I'm lookin' for change
I'm searchin' for change
I'm lookin' for change
I just want, I just want

I need a moment of silence
I don't like change, but I'll try it
I don't wanna hear what I should or I shouldn't do
Why are they always defiant?
See, all my emotions are liars
All my emotions are violent
They don't want freedom to find me
Mention a name and everybody riots (change)
Yeah, that's why I'm checkin' my vitals
They keep on workin', but I know
Breathin' don't mean you're alive so
I bag up all of my trash and walk out on my tightrope
Positive thoughts are my rivals (change)
I'm tryna be be on their side though
Should I feel comfortable? I don't
Last year, I felt suicidal
This year, I might do somethin' different like talkin' to God more

I'm lookin' for change
I'm lookin' for (yeah)
I'm searchin' for change
I'm lookin' for
I just want, I just want change
I'm lookin' for (yeah)
I'm searchin' for change
I'm lookin' for, yeah (ay, ay)
I just want, I just want change
Yeah, I'm lookin' for
I'm searchin' for change
I'm lookin' for (yeah)
I just want, I just want change
I'm lookin' for (ay)
I'm searchin' for change
I'm lookin' for, yeah
I just want, I just want change

---

My Stress

Yeah, some days, I just wanna leave the negativity in my head
I just want relief from my stress
I just want relief from my stress
Some days, I don't wanna see or
Have a bunch of people to impress
I just want relief from my stress
Yeah, I just want relief from my stress

Late nights, starin' out the window doin' 85
Got my state of mind
Yeah, walkin' on that grey line
Hopin' that my stress dies
It's like I hate it, but I love it at the same time
Pressure pushin' me from all sides
Insecurities of all kinds
Yeah, I'm a hostage to my own pride
Most important things in life to me are things I know I can't buy
Yeah, it's me in phases
I'm not in the mood, yeah, to meet another stranger
I'm not in the mood, yeah, to have a conversation
And talk about a bunch of things that I don't feel amazed with
Gettin' too close to me, woo, could be dangerous
I don't like the energy, I leave the situation
All this negativity, yeah, I can't get away from
All this negativity, I think I need a break from
I'm thankful, but

Some days, I just wanna leave the negativity in my head
I just want relief from my stress
I just want relief from my stress
Some days, I don't wanna see or
Have a bunch of people to impress
I just want relief from my stress
Yeah, I just want relief from my stress

Yo, this life got my head spinnin'
Wonder what I'd do if I knew these were my last minutes
Wonder if I had a week to live, would I stay trippin'?
Wastin' every day that I had left tryna sell tickets
Or maybe call my dad, say I love him and laugh with him
Take a couple days and get away from this fast livin'
I don't love my work the way I did
Man, this whole business has got me feelin' jaded
Friends I had, now they act different, it's all switchin', whoa
Yeah, it's pretty hard to watch
Things you used to love turn to things that you wish you forgot
Real moments that make you question the things that you want's
Got me growin' mentally, but stressin' me out 'til I drop
Over the top is where I live on a daily basis
I always find a way to find the bad in good situations
It's sad, huh?
Yeah, I live my life on the edge, don't want the meds
I'm just tryna get relief from my stress, you know?

Some days, I just wanna leave the negativity in my head
I just want relief from my stress
I just want relief from my stress
Some days, I don't wanna see or
Have a bunch of people to impress
I just want relief from my stress
Yeah, I just want relief from my stress

These stress levels are not healthy
I'm waitin' for that call sayin' records are not sellin'
I wonder when this all disappears and they forget me
Will I feel like I found who I was or be more empty?
I wonder was I was wrong thinkin' this is where God led me
Or did I get involved with somethin' that was too heavy?
I drive until I'm lost and just sit in my car yelling
My inner critic talks, I'm just hopin' that God helps me
Just stop stressin', yeah

Some days (some days)
I just wanna leave the negativity in my head (I just wanna leave it)
I just want relief from my stress (yeah, I just wanna leave it)
I just want relief from my stress
Some days (some days), I don't wanna see or
Have a bunch of people to impress
I just want relief from my stress
Yeah, I just want relief from my stress

Yeah
Yeah, some days
Yeah, some days
I just wanna leave, the
I just wanna leave, the

---

Nate

Yeah, sometimes I wanna disappear like I just don't exist
I'll find a time machine and take me back when I was six
Maybe younger, either way, I guess the point of it
Would be to tell that little kid that he's gon' take a lot of hits
Yeah, I'd probably grab your hand and tell you life is hard
If you got questions or you need advice, then talk to God
'Cause He's the only one that listens even when you think He isn't
Even good people are great at making bad decisions (yeah)
They ain't gon' take it serious
You find out pretty quick that life is more than just appearances
I know some things we could avoid to save embarrassment
But everything that breaks you down can also build your character
'Cause people love to see you fail, just be aware of it
Don't let nobody tell you who to be or write your narrative
Look, we're all products of the things that we experience
But there's a big difference between confidence and arrogance
You hearin' this?
I know that you won't get it now, but you gon' get it later
I know that you feel alone and no one loves you maybe
And you gon' cover insecurities with lots of anger
The weird thing is someday all of this will make you famous
You start to write about your life and while they're all relatin'
You'll make up a slogan, call it "Real," but feel like you're the fakest
Wish I could tell you that you're future's nothing but amazin'
That's just not the case, and I guess I just don't know how to say this

I don't know if you can hear me or not
But if you can, I just want you to know
You gon' make a lot of mistakes
And they gon' laugh in our face
That's part of life, that's just the way that it goes
(That's just the way that it goes)
And I don't know if you can hear me or not
But if you can, I just need you to get it
I know you been questionin' life
Trust me, I know what it's like
I'm here for you if you need someone to listen
Do you need someone to listen?

See, mom and dad are not together, they took different routes
But you probably already knew, you gettin' older now
Remember back when mom picked us up from grandma's house?
And she hid her boyfriend in the trunk and drove a couple miles
Down the street and she pulled over to let him out
'Cause she didn't want dad to know she had these type of dudes around
'Cause last time he found out, he had to take us from her
You look uncomfortable, I'm sorry, let me change the subject
You know how we've always struggled with abandonment? (Yeah)
And when we feel like someone's leaving, we start panickin'? (Yeah)
And yo, I wish I could say I've learned to manage it
You think it's bad now, but you don't know the half of it
Passionate, something we have never lacked
We see it the most when we're writing raps
They think it's funny now, let 'em laugh
I know you think it's just an outlet when you're really mad
But you don't know the platform you're about to have
I know some things about the future you ain't ready for
I know some things that you gon' cover up, but can't ignore
And what hurts is they gon' surface at the worst moments
And we gon' act like it don't hurt us, but it hurts, don't it?
We walk around with the Devil talkin' on both shoulders
Wish I could tell you that he disappears when we get older
But that's just not the case, and I know you feel out of place
And everything is not okay, and life can be a lot to take, but

I don't know if you can hear me or not
But if you can, I just want you to know
You gon' make a lot of mistakes
And they gon' laugh in our face
That's part of life, that's just the way that it goes
(That's just the way that it goes)
And I don't know if you can hear me or not
But if you can, I just need you to get it
I know you been questionin' life
Trust me, I know what it's like
I'm here for you if you need someone to listen
Do you need someone to listen?

You know how intoxicated people make us nervous?
To the point sometimes we shake and it feels so disturbin'
Don't be scared, that's just trauma tryna reach the surface
And tell us everyone we love is gonna try to hurt us
Which isn't true, but it's a lie that both of us believe in
Yeah, you might get a glimpse of happiness from your achievements
But what you'll learn as you get older, every time you reach one
Is you'll just make another goal that doesn't lead to freedom
See, some things about to happen that you can't imagine
At twenty-four, you'll drop an album, and you'll call it Mansion
At twenty-five, you'll put out Therapy and gain some traction
Skip to track number four, now that's a really sad one
Yeah, Perception's coming next, we 'bout to reach the masses
It sounds awesome, at the same time, it doesn't matter
At twenty-seven, we'll make millions, but it's really sad 'cause
You'll learn to realize that none of this will make you happy

I wish that I could look at you with empathy
Sometimes I feel like I've become what you were scared to be
Which makes it really hard to look at you with sympathy
'Cause if I'm feeling bad for you, then I have to feel bad for me
And that's just something I feel like we don't deserve
That's why I'm always looking down on you, I know it hurts
I'm sure you have a lot of questions
I've been tryna search to find us both some answers
I'll be here for you if things get worse

---

Time (Extended)

Even if we both break down tonight
And you say you hate me, and we go to bed angry
I know everything will be alright
I'll be here waiting, I promise I'm changing
I just need

A little time to show you I'm worth it
I know that I can be a difficult person
I'm a stress case, drive you up the wall when I'm workin'
Actually, I'm probably worse when I'm not, you don't deserve it
Make you nervous 'cause you know I'ma break soon
Every time I do, I say somethin' that hurts you
Actin' like I'm gone, but we both in the same room
I don't like to be wrong, which I know you relate to
And I know I make you feel like you're at the end of your rope
That's when I look at you and tell you I'd be better alone
Just the pride talkin', isn't it? 'Cause both of us know
I'm the definition of "wreck" if you look into my soul
Comes out the most when I feel I'm in a vulnerable place
Made a lot of mistakes I wish I knew how to erase
When I'm afraid, might get distant and I push you away
But no matter the case, I'ma do whatever it takes even if

Even if we both break down tonight
And you say you hate me, and we go to bed angry
I know everything will be alright
I'll be here waiting, I promise I'm changing
I just need

Time (oh)
I, I need time (oh, oh)
I just need time (oh)
I, I need time (oh)
Time (oh), time (oh)

Yeah, way before I bought you the ring
We were fighting back and forth like you were wearin' the thing
Two passionate people not afraid to say what they think
Lead to passionate conversation when it's hard to agree
You know me well, sittin' on the edge of my seat
Lookin' at life, overanalyzin' everything
Always depressed, tryna find a better version of me
Searching for somethin' I know's prolly right in front of my feet
Stubborn as me? Maybe not, but you're close to it
Got a lot of issues, I'm tryin' to work through 'em
Going to therapy for you's somethin' that's worth doin'
When I know you been there for me through all of my worst moments
And I know it hurts knowing that I carry this weight on my chest
Making it difficult for me to open up and connect
Lot of regrets, I apologize for all of the stress
That's not what I meant to do, you know I love you to death even if—

Even if we both break down tonight
And you say you hate me, and we go to bed angry
I know everything will be alright
I'll be here waiting, I promise I'm changing
I just need

Time (oh)
I, I need time (oh, oh)
I just need time (oh)
I, I need time (oh)
Time (oh), time (oh)
I just need time (oh)
I, I need time (oh, oh)
I just need time (oh)
I, I need time (oh)
Time (oh), time (oh)

---

Returns

What is perfect? Not me
I've been overworking for weeks
I go home and purchase some things
That I know will not fill my needs
Have a dose of what I've achieved
Then get lonesome and I critique
Who I am and what I believe
Make up standards too high to reach

Untrained animal off the leash
I'm in panic, but yet relieved
Brought your hammock to hang with me?
Grab a hatchet, cut down your tree
Like a mannequin that can speak
What I have in store is unique
I just mop the floors with MCs
I can't stop until things are clean

I'm an amateur's what you think
So you stand there in disbelief
'Til I dislocate both your feet
That's what happens, you step to me
Not too graphic, but not PG
Lots of action in every scene
I'm kidnapping all of your dreams
Hold 'em hostage and watch 'em scream (ahh!)

Grab a side, I am what I advertise
Don't matter how you put it, we live
Then we have to die
You might hate it, but you can't deny
See, everything that I've been doing got me looking like a mastermind
It's so vain, but I vandalize that I do what you fantasizing
Took a vision of my dreams
And then found a better way that I can make it
I've been looking, think I'm really 'bout to maximize it (agh!)

There's bullets formed in my mind, they come out my mouth and (pow, pow, pow)
For anyone out there doubting or acting mouthy (watch, watch, watch)
Forget what you heard about me, I've been astounding (God, God, God)
Something for you thinking you might run circles 'round me

Yeah, ain't this all I ever wanted?
That's a fact, no, that's a lie, no
I'm confused, yeah, I got problems
What's the use? Yeah, let's be honest
Screws are loose, I need 'em tightened
Not amused, yeah, look what I did
Brought you something, hope you like it
So precise, the flow the nicest
So productive, stop your whining
Back in style like I was vinyl
I make songs and they go viral
Something's off if I go idle
"Been so long," yeah, okay, I know
Take your shoes off, you're in my home
You got fans, but not like I do, yeah

Thankful, I try to be, can't contain what's inside of me
They don't like this side of me 'cause I lack in compliancy
I question what I can see if you're not playing my CD
No expiring, I'll decide when I think it's my time to leave (woo)
Yeah, 'cause then won't retire me, it inspires me to be inspiring
When I'm lower, feel like I'm spiraling
Pushing forward, look, I can't ignore it
There ain't no I in team, but drop the T and A
Sometimes, if I'm being honest, feels like it's only me
No defeat, notably, better have it right if you're quoting me
Write my name on your hit list, it might be the last time you wrote something
Rip that cocky smile right off your face for thinking you're close to me
Grab a can of gasoline, light it all over your self-esteem

Selfishly watching y'all helplessly pretend you're on my planet
Shoot you out of the sky like you're punchlines, you are not landing
Gun jamming, reach in your mouth and rip out your tongue after tongue
Lashings, I hand 'em out like pamphlets in church, pastors
Show up to my funeral wearing all black, and what's happening?
I look around and wonder, "Where my fans at?"
Oh Lord, they know me so well, they know I'm not in that casket
Trash bag is prolly buried somewhere full of my ashes

My music's superb, playing with words, play with my nerves
They gon' have a list of issues long as my shirts
Very absurd, very disturbed
Stare at the Earth like, "This is not the place I was birthed"
I'm generic, you sure?
Oh, they think I'm very reserved
'Til I open up on the beat like on my Therapy work
I don't care what you heard, real scary, carry the verse
While I'm wearing my merch', stomping on your arrogant turf

Sit back and observe, nah, I like to actually work
This life's so unpredictable, it just keeps pitching me curves
I take a swing, I hate the things that make me feel like I'm dirt
I've patiently been waiting, please, I think it's time for my turn
My expertise are melodies, they talk to me when I'm hurt
Just let me be, eventually someday they'll see what I'm worth
I cross my Is and dot my Ts, it makes no sense, but I've learned
No more to you is not me, the outcast finally returns

---

When I Grow Up

Yeah, when I grow up, you know what I wanna be?
Take a seat, let me tell you my ridiculous dreams
I wanna rap, yeah, I know it's hard to believe
And I can tell you're already thinkin' I will never succeed
But I'm okay with it, I admit the lyrics are weak
I've been workin' on 'em, I'll be good eventually
I understand you gotta crawl before you get to your feet
But I been running for a while, they ain't ready for me, ahh
I know this prolly isn't really realistic
And honestly, I might not ever make a difference
But that don't make a difference, I'ma have to risk it
I've been crunchin' numbers, you ain't gotta be a mathematician
To see the odds ain't rootin' for me
I can't lie though, it's kinda how I like it to be
The underdog, yeah, you prolly think you know what I mean
But what I'm saying is they ever push me, I'm gonna swing, yeah
I could go to college, get in debt like everybody else
Graduate and prolly get a job that doesn't pay the bills
That don't make a lot of sense to me, forget the Happy Meals
I don't like the dollar menu, I would rather make a meal
Huh? Make a mil'? Nah, I said make a meal
Home-cookin', get the grill, how you want it? Pretty well?
Everything I see is overdone to me, I'm not Adele
But I'ma get a record deal and say hello to mass appeal

When I grow up, I just want to pay my bills
Rappin' about the way I feel (Oh, yeah)
I just want to make a couple mil'
Leave it to the fam in the will (Oh, yeah)
I just want to sign a record deal
Maybe buy a house up in the hills (Oh, yeah)
Might not be the best in my field
But I guarantee that I'ma die real
When I grow up

Yeah, ayy
When I grow up
Yeah, yeah, ayy

I'ma make 'em notice me, rhymin' like it's poetry
Everything I oversee, I just like to overthink
Mockin' me, you pay the fee, no return and no receipts
Those of you that don't believe, quiet, you don't know a thing
Quiet when I'm tryna sing, quiet when I'm making beats
Quiet when I'm tryna think, sorry, I don't mean to scream
I just feel like no one really gets me and it's sad to see
'Cause someday I'ma grow up and show all of you it's meant to be (Yeah)
Anybody wanna hear me rap? "No"
Come on, let me play a couple tracks, "No"
Come on, I can spit it really fast, "No"
You think I should throw this in the trash? "No"
Tricked ya; haters, go away before I hit ya
I am not a beggar or a kiss-up
You don't understand? Well, I forgive ya
I am not a quitter, you ain't really think that, did ya?
Maybe someday I could even be up on the radio
Have a tour bus and maybe even play a couple shows
Everybody in the crowd singing every word I wrote
Tellin' me that I am not the only one that feels alone
Huh? You feel alone? Yeah, I kinda feel alone
Wonder if that feelin' ever goes away when you get old
Will I ever make it as an artist? I don't really know
Might not make a lot of dough
I'ma have to try it, though

When I grow up
I just wanna pay my bills
Rappin' about the way I feel (Oh, yeah)
I just wanna make a couple mil'
Leave it to the fam in the will (Oh, yeah)
(Leave it to the fam in the will)
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
I just wanna sign a record deal
Maybe buy a house up in the hills (Okay, oh, yeah)
Might not be the best in my field (Ayy, ayy, yeah)
But I guarantee that I'ma die real
When I grow up
I just wanna pay my bills (Woo)
Rappin' about the way I feel (Oh, yeah)
(Yeah, the way I feel)
Yeah, I just wanna make a couple mil' (Ayy, couple mil')
Leave it to the fam in the will (Oh, yeah, to the fam in the will)
I just wanna sign a record deal (Woo)
Maybe buy a house up in the hills (Oh, yeah)
(House up in the hills)
Yeah, I might not be the best in my field
But I guarantee that I'ma die real
When I grow up
When I grow up

---

Only

I can't be the only one who's lonely tonight
I can't be the only

Yeah, does anybody feel like me?
Show of hands, I don't need a lot, I just wanna find my peace
Yeah, why you throwin' rocks, oh, you wanna kill my dreams?
Okay, tell me everything I'm not
You think I didn't know those things?
Always been a little lost and I still might be
Life's hard, but it's okay (okay)
Watchin' the comments feels like I'm at a court date
How could I complain
With a house like this and a car like that in the driveway?
Half of what I say
Kinda feels like a dream that I'm gonna wake from someday
Wishin' that I'd pray
A little more often and put more time into my faith
Travel in my brain, woo, might find damage and no grace
Things that I hold on to, but I won't say things that I won't let go
So I chain my soul to the heartbreak
Havin' a nice day, that's not a average in my case
Stones like cameras in my face, glamour, it's all fake
Love my job, but it might seem odd that I'm here 'cause I hate fame
Yeah, pay my debt to me, throwin' threats at me
They can't tell this connectin' me, it's affectin' me
Hide that well, they'll write checks to me, but don't check on me
By myself, always questioning what comes next for me (no)
I can't be the only

I can't be the only one who's lonely tonight
No, I can't be the only

Yeah, if you made a list of people that you trusted
Would you put your name down?
Do you know who you are?
When you look at life and you talk about yours, do you feel proud?
Are you leaving a mark, or scared to make a bad impression
So you just go hide in the dark
Livin' and playin' a part, knowin' regret'll come back tomorrow
That's what it does, ain't it? Don't know what we're chasin'
But we all do it, just a part of life, I guess we're all foolish
Running after what we think will make us happy 'til it falls through
And then we find out later it ain't what we wanted
So we give up on it, then we pile the garbage
And we watch it grow and find a drug and numb it
'Til we hit the point that we can barely function
Am I motivated? Is my music dated?
Would I be the same if I was medicated?
Even therapists say I need medication
I avoid it, though, because I'm scared to take it
Am I the only one that has a loaded gun
That's full of doubts and memories to overcome?
And I complain about 'em when they shoot at me
But I know truthfully I like to load 'em up and let 'em
That's so sad to see, that's so sad to see, I need help
They talk passively, then come after me by myself
Lost that half of me, God, there has to be someone else
Don't feel bad for me, I just can't believe that I'm lonely

No, I can't be the only one who's lonely tonight
No, I can't be the only

There's gotta be somebody out there
There's gotta be somebody somewhere
That needs company, and it's comforting to know (know, know)
There's gotta be somebody out there
There's gotta be somebody somewhere
That needs company, and it's comforting to know

I can't be the only one who's lonely tonight
No, I (I) can't be the only (only)
Can't be the only one who's lonely tonight
No, I (I) can't be the only

---

Let Me Go

Talk to you with my hands tied
Walk towards you on a fine line
Everybody has a dark side
I feel embarrassed when they see mine
Rain falling from my dark skies
Clouds parting, but it's all lies
Shouldn't I see the sunshine now?
Wonder how I look in God's eyes
Am I a good person or a lost one?
Will this feel worth it when I'm all done?
Will I feel ashamed of like who I was?
With the pain vanish or will more come?
Will I stay numb or regain love?
Maybe someday have a taste of freedom?
Will I take the poison out of my blood?
Or just leave it there inside of my lungs?
I (know know, know)
I should let you go, hands are feeling cold
Just leave me alone (no, no, no)
I just want control, I feel so exposed
Liars in my home (no, no, no)
Please do not provoke, noose around my soul, I cut down the rope
They don't want me happy, they don't want me fixed
They don't want me better, they just want me broke
Talk but never listen, at least I admit it
Blackout all my vision, watching me diminish
That's my favorite past time, I know nothing different
Tell me something different, I don't see the difference
I just feel offended, I just feel defensive
Why don't you accept me? I just need acceptance
Time is of the essence, don't like how we spend it
You just want perfection, I need you to let me

Let me go, let me go, let me go, let me go
Let me go, let me go, let me go, let me go
Let me go, let me go, let me go, let me go
Let me go, let me go, let me go, let me go

Why'd you say I don't belong here? (Huh?)
Fill a bucket full of my tears (Huh?)
Pour it out the water, all of my insecurities whenever I'm scared
I watch 'em grow and say, "I don't care"
I pray to God they ask if hope's real
And if it isn't, I was thinking
Maybe you could introduce us, we ain't met still
Yeah, my chest feels like a blade's in it
Who put it there? I think they did it
Out the zone know, where am I head it
Am I Hell-bound? Will I find Heaven?
Will I feel better or just regret it?
If I let you go and find the seven letters
I been looking for us like it's never endin'
Open all the doors and let the peace enter
I'm (so, so, so)
Pitiful at times, miserable inside
They want me to hide (no, no, no)
How can I survive? Change your state of mind
I should say goodbye (no, no, no)
They want me to beg, they want me to plead, they want me to die
They just want me dead, they just want me hurt
Don't want me to live, don't want me alive
Stop with the pretending, I don't feel respected
I just feel rejected, I don't like rejection
You promise protection, I don't feel protected
I just feel neglected, how can I respect it?
I'll teach them a lesson, I pick up the weapon
Aim in your direction, shoot at my reflection
Shatter my perception, hate it when I'm desperate
You just want perfection, I want you to let me

Let me go, let me go, let me go, let me go
Let me go, let me go, let me go, let me go
Let me go, let me go, let me go, let me go
Let me go, let me go, let me go, let me go (let me go)

---

-Interlude-

My most considered, like, "successful" moment of my life was the worst
The most depressed I've ever been
Literally feeling like I'd probably be happier if I was just dead
I got a number one on Billboard, my song is massive right now
Like I may never have a song this big again
My tour, I think every date sold out except one date
So I literally had everything that I had always dreamed of happening (yeah)
And I felt, I didn't feel happy at all
And so I think what happened was I spiraled really bad
'Cause I was like, "I'm here, and if this is it, there's gotta be more for me
'Cause if this is it, like, it's not gonna work"

---

Hate Myself

I don't see you like I should
You look so misunderstood
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself
Pray to God with my arms open
If this is it, then I feel hopeless
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself

Yeah, late nights are the worst for me
They bring out the worst in me
Mind runnin', got me feelin' like it hurts to think
If this is all that I wanted, I don't want it, gotta be more for me
All the core beliefs
And every mornin' I wake up and feel like I ain't my worth 'cause I'm at war with peace
Or go to Hell, welcome to the corpse of me
Look at the body like you ain't nothin' but poor and weak
It's kinda weird
Lately I been feelin' like the only way for me to get away is if I pour the drink
That's more deceit, more defeat
Is this really what I'm born to be?
That's what you get for thinkin' you're unique
So poor, but I'm so wealthy
Need help, but you can't help me
What else can the world sell me?
Tell me lies, I still buy 'em like they goin' outta stock
But it's not healthy

I don't see you like I should
You look so misunderstood
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself
Pray to God with my arms open
If this is it, then I feel hopeless
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself

Yeah, late nights get the best of me
They know how to get to me
Suicide thoughts come and go like a guest to me
But I don't wanna die, just wanna get relief
So don't talk to me like you think I'm so successful
What is success when hope has left you
I am not a spokesman, I'm a broken record
Sick of doin' interviews 'cause I hate myself, agh!
Come across like it's so easy
But I feel like you don't need me
When I feel like you don't need me
Then I feel like you don't see me
And my life has no meaning, drain me
Hands out, tryna ask for love
But when I get it, I just pass it up
Throw it away and think about it later
Diggin' through the trash for drugs
Wish I could give you what you needed, but I can't
I'm scared because

I don't see you like I should
You look so misunderstood
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself
Pray to God with my arms open
If this is it, then I feel hopeless
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself

I walk through the ashes of my passions
Reminiscin' with the baggage in my casket
Get lost in the questions I can't answer
Can't stand who I am, but it don't matter
We scream to be free, but I stay captured
Knee-deep in defeat of my own actions
Feel weak, but the peace that I keep lackin'
Keeps speakin' to me, but I can't have it
But I can't have it
Keeps speakin' to me, but I can't have it
But I can't have it
Keeps speakin' to me, but I can't have it

I don't see you like I should
You look so misunderstood
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself
Pray to God with my arms open
If this is it, then I feel hopeless
And I wish I could help
But it's hard when I hate myself
Hate myself
But it's hard when I hate myself
Hate myself
But it's hard when I hate myself

When I hate myself
It's kinda hard when I hate myself
I hate myself
It's hard when I hate myself

---

I Miss the Days

I'll keep swingin' for the fences
It's like this heart is defenseless
Against the passion that's pumpin' through my veins
Blood, sweat, tears, it's a callin'
And if I can't walk, then I'm crawlin'
It might flicker, but they can't kill the flame

I can't stop I can't quit
It's in my heart It's on my lips
I can't stop, no I can't quit
It's in my heart, yeah I'm all in

'Til the wheels fall off
'Til the spotlight fades
I will lift your banner high
I will lift your banner high
And 'til the walls crash in
For the rest of my days
I'll lay it all on the line
'Til the day I die
'Til the day I die
'Til the end of the line
'Til the day I die
It's Your name I'll glorify

It's runnin' deeper than the ocean
This ain't religion, it's devotion
Three, six, five, every minute, everyday
So in the middle of the madness
They can stretch me out like canvas
But I ain't ever gonna fit in their frame

I can't stop I can't quit
It's in my heart It's on my lips
I can't stop, no I can't quit
It's in my heart, yeah I'm all in

'Til the wheels fall off
'Til the spotlight fades
I will lift your banner high
I will lift your banner high
And til the walls crash in
For the rest of my days
I'll lay it all on the line
'Til the day I
'Til the day I die
'Til the end of the line
'Til the day I die
It's Your name I'll glorify

'Til I die and they put me in the coffin
Don't matter if I'm on the road or if I'm recordin'
Tell me what you think about me, that really ain't important
You know I'mma represent um, I ain't playin', can't afford to
I only got one life and I get it though
And this is not an act, not a movie, not a TV show
I don't know what quittin' means, I don't ever take it slow
You know I'm on the grind, me and Toby in the studio
Do it for the King, what you know about that?
Say you goin' harder, mmm I doubt that'
You say you doin' work, but you're asking where the couch at
How you doin' work when you asking where the couch at?
God is not a crutch, you can use Him when you wanna
You only look to heaven when you goin' through some drama
And when they goin' through some problems and that's the only time they call Him
I guess I don't understand that life, wonder why 'cause I'm all in
'Til the day I die

'Til the wheels fall off
'Til the spotlight fades
I will lift your banner high I will lift your banner high
And 'til the walls crash in
For the rest of my days
I'll lay it all on the line
'Til the day I ('Til the day I)
'Til the day I die
'Til the day I
'Til the day I die
'Til the end of the line
'Til the day I ('till the day I)
'Til the day I, 'til the day, I fly
'Til the day I die
'Til the end of the line

---

No Excuses

Yeah, I got no excuses

Ay, yeah, they asked me where I learned to do this
Self-taught, checkin' things off my to-do list
Treat my temper like my family, I ain't tryna lose it
Say a little, do a lot, woo, no excuses
Ay, I got no excuses, yeah, I got no excuses
Woo, I got no excuses, yeah, I got no

Yeah, yo, this industry is so confusin'
Hard to tell who's really with me or who's tryna use me
If I told you I respect you, I ain't say it loosely
I don't throw those words around, it's just not how I do this, ay
Yeah, I know I can be a nuisance
Ain't afraid to admit it if I think the shoe fits
People ask me where I been, I been writin' new hits
Had to make my own plans, I don't need your two-cents, ay
Yeah, I don't wanna hear excuses
I just like to make moves and make improvements
I just like to break rules, maybe start some new trends
Live the life that I choose, cuttin' off the loose ends, ah

Yeah, they asked me where I learned to do this
Self-taught, checkin' things off my to-do list
Treat my temper like my family, I ain't tryna lose it
Say a little, do a lot, woo, no excuses
Ay, I got no excuses, yeah, I got no excuses
Woo, I got no excuses, yeah, I got no

Yeah, here's a couple things that I'm confused with
I just did a interview, the guy was pretty clueless
You don't have to know the album names or all my music
But at least try to find out who you in the room with
Ay, I like facts, I don't like assumin'
Take a shot behind my back, I'ma catch the bullets
Why the game lookin' at me like I'm just a tourist?
They should know I'm here to stay, this verse is gettin' borin', twisted
Mind of a lyricist, listen while I experiment
Visualize it's imperative, big suprises and scary tricks
It is time, yes, we're here again, sit in silence, don't care for it
Criticizin' my character isn't why, so beware of it
Forget what you're tellin' me, do what I gotta' man
I got the remedy, one of kind, man they never selected me
I don't fit in with the room of celebrities
I wanna know when they bring out my legacy
There was never nobody that ever could mention me
Sayin' that I wasn't makin' the rap
And doin' it cleverly, did what I had to
And gave them my everything

Yeah, yeah, they asked me where I learned to do this
Self-taught, checkin' things off my to-do list
Treat my temper like my family, I ain't tryna lose it
Say a little, do a lot, woo, no excuses

Yeah, yo, they asked me where I learned to do this
Self-taught, checkin' things off my to-do list
Treat my temper like my family, I ain't tryna lose it
Say a little, do a lot, woo, no excuses
Ay, I got no excuses, yeah, I got no excuses
Woo, yeah, I got no excuses, yeah, yo, I got no

Yeah, I got no
I got no excuses
I got no excuses

---

Like This

Yeah, holding back
Yeah, I've always been good at that, unattached (yeah)
Waiting for what's coming next, things I know I should address
I feel more together when I am a mess (whoa)
That's for moments that just came and went
Made amends with you, then you overstepped
That's a line you never shoulda crossed, you got no respect
Stop with all the threats
Like the more I get know you, I just know you less (yeah)
'Nother city I don't know well
Feeling too much like my old self
Backsliding, backsliding
Got me in the sad feels, got me at a standstill
Too much time alone is when it gets real (ah)
Future doesn't pop up, then the past will
Outside, that's the rear view
Now I'm going downhill (yeah)
Don't know who I'm close with
Going through the motions
Don't know who to trust when I (yeah)

I lie to myself and I, I can't handle it
Why do I waste so much time on things that I can't fix?
All these things I hold inside I just can't forget
Thought that I could let this go

But I ain't know that it would be like this, yeah
Like this (like this)
I ain't know that it would be like this
Yeah, like this
I ain't know that it would be like this

Yeah, baby I'm impossible to be with
I know that you got a thousand reasons
You prolly wanna leave, but don't know how, yeah
I don't hear a thing when you yell
Guess you like to hear your own voice, yeah
Got me standing here with no choice
I see they tryna gas, they got me all wrong
Look, I'm doing my best to try to stay calm
But I can't deal
Feeling too much like my old self
Backsliding, backsliding
I just let the phone ring
We ain't even close, please
Throwing out opinions from the nosebleeds (ay, yeah)
Lot of issues that you don't see
Texts that I just won't read
Play it off, it cuts deep though
When I don't know who I'm close with
Going through the motions
Don't know who to trust when I (yeah)

I lie to myself and I can't handle it
Why do I waste so much time on things that I can't fix? (yeah)
All these things I hold inside I just can't forget (nah)
Thought that I could let this go (yeah)

But I ain't know that it would be like this, yeah (woo, yeah)
Like this (ay)
I ain't know that it would be like this
(I ain't know that it would be like this, woo)
Yeah, like this (like this)
I ain't know that it would be like this (like this), yeah (yeah)
Like this (like this)
I ain't know that it would be like this
Yeah, like this (like this)
I ain't know that it would be like this

---

Options

Look, I don't know what's gotten into me
I could be off of my rocker potentially
Bigger I get, the more they thinkin' less of me
Don't be the one to insult my integrity
Put down the whistle, I'm done with you referees
Y'all don't know nothing, you think you ejected me
'Til I show up in the game, like, "Remember me?"
I gotta make it, these people depend on me
Ayy, that's how I'm living these days
Threaten my wife, keep digging that grave
I had a job making minimum wage
Told myself that I gotta get paid
Prove myself, yeah, get up my grades
Walk into class like, "Gimme that A"
Think I'm trash? Put a bag in your face
And I put you by the road like, "Look what it's saying"
Here's a reminder that I still spit
Think I need to advise you to watch your lip
Or at least realize that I'm not no kid
Don't Google my name tryna find my crib
Write a pop song, then I write a song like this
Do a lot wrong? Doesn't matter, I learn quick
I'm an outlaw, my brain has no fence
Doesn't matter either way to me 'cause even if it did
I would destroy it (Woo, woo, woo)
Used to be employee, now I'm employer
Making big deals, now I gotta get lawyers
People tell me to relax and enjoy it
But when I kick back, I see warnings
So much time might pass, can't ignore it
Every time I rap and I'm recording
Might be my last so I absorb it 'cause
I gotta make it or make it
I gotta make it or make it, yeah
I gotta make it or make it
Man, these are the options, these are the options
I gotta make it or make it
I gotta make it or make it, yeah
I gotta make it or make it
Man, these are the options, these are the options
I gotta make it or make it
I gotta make it or make it, woo
I gotta make it or make it
Man, these are the options, these are the options
I gotta make it or make it
I gotta make it or make it, woo
I gotta make it or make it
Man, these are the options, these are the options (Yeah)

Tool bag without the pliers
Intros without the choirs
New car without the tires
Music without the writers
UFC without the fighters
Smoking without the fire
Cigarettes without the lighter
Austin Powers, no Michael Myers, that's me
If I ain't got the bars, you see
Something ain't right like I'm incomplete
Outcast, yes, I'm a different breed
If you disagree, make 'em all retreat
Act like a boss when I compete
Take my thoughts into hyperspeed
When it's all gone and I hit my peak
At least I'll know that I took that leap
'Cause life is a process
And I am not here for the nonsense
Losing everything I worked for likes to weigh on my conscience
That why I block out the comments
Who's next? Who's next?
I don't know, I ain't been watching
Closing my ear to the gossip
I gotta make it or make it
Man, these are the options, ooh
No forfeit, my course different
Changed flows and I'm bored with it
More livid, never more driven, I avoid timid
Try to tell me I could never be the G.O.A.T. of rap, I ignore limits
I was born with this, you're trippin' thinkin' I'm slippin'
I'm enjoying this
Look at me, I'm on the tour selling more tickets
Even if the fourth record didn't sell a copy, I'ma do it like a hobby
I ain't quitting 'til the Lord tell me

I gotta make it or make it
I gotta make it or make it, yeah
I gotta make it or make it
Man, these are the options, these are the options
I gotta make it or make it
I gotta make it or make it, yeah
I gotta make it or make it
Man, these are the options, these are the options
I gotta make it or make it
I gotta make it or make it, woo
I gotta make it or make it
Man, these are the options, these are the options
I gotta make it or make it
I gotta make it or make it, woo
I gotta make it or make it
Man, these are the options, these are the options

Ayy, these are the options
Ah, these are the options
Woo, these are the options
Yeah, these are the options

[Thanks to stephrenee526 for adding these lyrics]

---

Why

Too many faces, too many faces, too many faces

Yeah, what's your definition of success? (ay)
I don't trust the thoughts that come inside my head (woo)
I don't trust this thing that beats inside my chest
Who I am and who I wanna be cannot connect; why?
Don't think I deserve it? You get no respect (woo)
I just made a couple mil', still not impressed
Let You Down goes triple platinum, yeah, okay, okay, I guess (ay)
Smile for a moment then these questions startin' to fill my head, not again!
I push away the people that I love the most; why? (woo)
I don't want no one to know I'm vulnerable; why? (woo)
That makes me feel weak and so uncomfortable; why? (ay)
Stop askin' me questions, I just wanna feel alive
Until I die—this isn't Nate's flow (woo)
Just let me rhyme; I'm in disguise
I'm a busy person, got no time for lies; one of a kind
They don't see it; I pull out they eyes; I'm on the rise!
I've been doin' this for most my life with no advice (woo)
Take my chances, I just roll the dice, do what I like
As a kid, I was afraid of heights, put that aside
Now I'm here and they look so surprised, well so am I, woo!
They don't invite me to the parties but I still arrive
Kick down the door and then I go inside
Give off that "I do not belong here" vibe
Then take the keys right off the counter, let's go for a ride
Why do y'all look mortified? (ay)
I keep to myself, they think I'm sorta shy, organized
Let You Down's the only song you've heard of? Well then you're behind (woo)
Story time; wish that I could think like Big Sean does, but I just can't decide (aah)
If I should stick my knife inside of Pennywise
I, I don't care what anybody else thinks—lies (haha)
I do not need nobody to help me—lies
I kinda feel guilty 'cause I'm wealthy; why?
I don't understand, it's got me questionin' like, "Why?
Just tell me why"—not back to this flow
Inside I feel divided
Back when I ain't had a dime, but had the drive
Back before I ever signed, I questioned life, like, "Who am I, man?" Woo!
Nothin' to me's ever good enough
I could be workin' for twenty-four hours a day and think I never did enough
My life is a movie but there ain't no tellin' what you're gonna see in my cinema (no)
I wanna be great but I get it in the way of myself
And I think about everything that I could never be
Why do I do it though? Ay, yeah
Why you always lookin' aggravated?
Not a choice, you know I had to make it
When they talk about the greatest, they gon' probably never put us in the conversation
Like somethin' then I gotta take it
Write somethin' then I might erase it
I love it, then I really hate it
What's the problem, Nathan? I don't know!
I know I like to preach to always be yourself (yeah)
But my emotions make me feel like I am someone else
Me and pride had made a pact that we don't need no help
Which feels like I'm at war inside myself but I forgot the shells
I hold my issues up for all to see, like show and tell
A lot of people know me, but not a lot know me well
Hold my issues up for all to see, like show and tell
A lot of people know me, but they don't know me well

Too many faces, too many faces, too many faces

---

Thinking

Yeah, growing up, yeah
Know a lot but I don't know enough
What you doin' here?
Why you even showin' up? Yeah
Showin' off or tryna show me love
Why you look confuse like, you don't really know, what's up? Yeah
Why you always tryna judge?
I know who you are, yeah
Why you tryna tryna front, yeah
I am not the man I was, look
Ay, made me a promise, I just hope you keep it
I don't like to get involved with things I don't believe in
I don't like to hang with people I don't trust to speak with
If you tell me that you mean it, then I hope you mean it
Yeah, feel like I don't deserve you when I hurt your feelings
I'm only bored, you got the keys to open all my secrets
You've always been there when I'm low to help pick up the pieces
I know I act like I don't need it yet but lately I been thinking

Yeah, lately I been thinking
Yeah, yeah, I have been thinking
Yeah, I have been thinking

Yeah, I wish, that I was optimistic
I wish that I could trust my intuition
To most negative thinking makes you a pessimist but
To me negative thinking means I'm just realistic
That's how I feel, ain't that a twisted view?
Claim that I don't care what people think but is that really true?
Those the type of questions that I struggle with
That's the type of thing to keep me up at night
Wondering I wonder if the pressure I been under is too much for my shoulders
Who gon' care when this all fades, I turn grey and get older?
Yeah, that's the type of thing that I don't wanna answer
But just 'cause I don't wanna do it don't mean I don't have to
See, these are lessons that you learn in life
And we only get one of 'em, hope I'm learning right
I know that everything comes with a price
Yeah, yeah, everything comes with a price
I've got no clue what I have sacrificed and lately I been thinking

Yeah, lately I been thinking
Yeah, yeah I have been thinking
Yeah, I have been thinking (I have been thinking)

---

Trauma

Say you're there when I feel helpless
If that's true, why don't you help me?
It's my fault, I know I'm selfish
Stand alone, my soul is jealous
It wants love, but I reject it
Trade my joy for my protection

Grab my hand, I'm drowning
I feel my heart pounding
Why haven't you found me yet?
I hold you so proudly
Traumas, they surround me
I wish you'd just love me back

Say you're here, but I don't feel it
Give me peace, but then you steal it
Watch them laugh at all my secrets
Scream and yell, but I feel speechless
Ask for help, you call it weakness
Lied and promised me my freedom

Grab my hand, I'm drowning
I feel my heart pounding
Why haven't you found me yet?
I hold you so proudly
Traumas, they surround me
I wish you'd just love me back

Grab my hand, I'm drowning
I feel my heart pounding
Why haven't you found me yet?

---

Time

Even if we both break down tonight
And you say you hate me, and we go to bed angry
I know everything will be alright
I'll be here waiting, I promise I'm changing
I just need

A little time to show you I'm worth it
I know that I can be a difficult person
I'm a stress case, drive you up the wall when I'm workin'
Actually, I'm probably worse when I'm not, you don't deserve it
Make you nervous 'cause you know I'ma break soon
Every time I do, I say somethin' that hurts you
Actin' like I'm gone, but we both in the same room
I don't like to be wrong, which I know you relate to
And I know I make you feel like you're at the end of your rope
That's when I look at you and tell you I'd be better alone
Just the pride talkin', isn't it? 'Cause both of us know
I'm the definition of "wreck" if you look into my soul
Comes out the most when I feel I'm in a vulnerable place
Made a lot of mistakes I wish I knew how to erase
When I'm afraid, might get distant and I push you away
But no matter the case, I'ma do whatever it takes even if

Even if we both break down tonight
And you say you hate me, and we go to bed angry
I know everything will be alright
I'll be here waiting, I promise I'm changing
I just need

Time (oh)
I, I need time (oh, oh)
I just need time (oh)
I, I need time (oh)
Time (oh), time (oh)

Yeah, way before I bought you the ring
We were fighting back and forth like you were wearin' the thing
Two passionate people not afraid to say what they think
Lead to passionate conversation when it's hard to agree
You know me well, sittin' on the edge of my seat
Lookin' at life, overanalyzin' everything
Always depressed, tryna find a better version of me
Searching for somethin' I know's prolly right in front of my feet
Stubborn as me? Maybe not, but you're close to it
Got a lot of issues, I'm tryin' to work through 'em
Going to therapy for you's somethin' that's worth doin'
When I know you been there for me through all of my worst moments
And I know it hurts knowing that I carry this weight on my chest
Making it difficult for me to open up and connect
Lot of regrets, I apologize for all of the stress
That's not what I meant to do, you know I love you to death even if—

Even if we both break down tonight
And you say you hate me, and we go to bed angry
I know everything will be alright
I'll be here waiting, I promise I'm changing
I just need

Time (oh)
I, I need time (oh, oh)
I just need time (oh)
I, I need time (oh)
Time (oh), time (oh)
I just need time (oh)
I, I need time (oh, oh)
I just need time (oh)
I, I need time (oh)
Time (oh), time (oh)