Feel Video (MV)

Told my mom I'm feeling suicidal
She told me man up and consult the holy bible
Like some words gonna help me from an invisible idol
I get upset knowing that my thoughts will stay this vile

Honestly I'm beginning not to speak
My mind is racing thoughts I'm chasing now I'm losing sleep
Sitting on my couch thinking that the world is bleak
Changing my surroundings so I won't be considered a freak

I guess this is too real for you
I guess I'm bringing shame
I guess that's what you do when I'm the one to f*cking blame
I guess I forgot to stay happy in persuit of fame
I'm sorry mama I just want them to know my name

They know my name
And my past
Hurry up think of something fast
Or this song could be my last
Hide emotions like wearing a mask yeah

I words aren't good enough I asked my boy he heard enough
Told me to get better or my career would just start looking rough
And I just keep acting tough but he sees right through my bluff
Man are you ok he'll say and I reply with happy stuff

Wake up to a facade
Angry yelling at god
Yes I know I am flawed
But I ain't no damn fraud

Friends say that I act odd
So I lost my damn squad
Now I watch their heads nod
As music makes me fat wads

How could you feel the way that you feel when everyone else says its not a big deal
How could you feel the way that you feel when everyone else says its not a big deal
How could you feel the way that you feel when everyone else says its not a big deal
How could you feel the way that you feel when everyone else says its not a big deal

My depression was always brushed off like it was nothing
Overshadowed by bigger problems like money or something
Really wanted to kill myself just know that it was recently
But the thought of my nephews without an uncle unsettled me

Even then my mind is weak to these different types of thoughts
I'm finding it harder and harder to connect all of the dots
Do I really deserve a smile planted on my face
Cuz in my eyes I'm nothing but a goddamn disgrace

Feeling how I'm feeling
No it ain't appealing
Time is meant for healing
Emotion I'm concealing
Happiness I'm stealing
But its all revealing
Feel like is teasing cuz here I am still breathing

And I'll ask my friends and family for a helping hand but I dont think they understand
Pretty sure that I am damned asking what is my plan in this god forsaken land
Damn my life is really bland sinking fast like quick sand

How could you feel the way that you feel when everyone else says its not a big deal
How could you feel the way that you feel when everyone else says its not a big deal
How could you feel the way that you feel when everyone else says its not a big deal
How could you feel the way that you feel when everyone else says its not a big deal