Up On Santa's Lap Lyrics

SANTA:
Whataya say kid?
Don't got all day, kid
Endin' my shift
Just tell me the gift
That you really want this year
Whisper it in my ear
All kinds of toys, kid

KID:
I want a Shirley Temple doll

SANTA:
That's not for boys, kid

KID:
Please, Santa

SANTA:
Oh.
Live and let live
Since when do I give
A crap?

Down you go.

Up on Santa's lap
Little Nancy wants a new toy train
Little Nancy's drivin' me insane
Ain't that a lovely Christmas mob
I hate my job
Hey!

Up on Santa's lap
Higbee's gotta pay me overtime
For the little freaks who come to climb
On Santa's lap

KID:
I like Santa

SANTA:
Ew. He's a wet one. Just get him off of me and get me a towel!

KIDS:
What'll I tell him
Can't wait to smell him
What is he like
I want a new bike
But, how should I ask for it
Could you move up a bit

What is he thinking?
What is he drinking?
(SANTA: Merry Christmas)
Who knows what he might
Pull out of that bright
Red cap

Up on Santa's lap
He can make your Christmas dreams come true
(Which is something that I rarely do
Ho ho)
On Santa's lap
(Next!)

ELVES:
See the measly brats before us
Stretching miles through the ailes of the store
'Please, Santa, don't ignore us now'

Who cares if
They're stuck in line

SANTA:
There's no way
I'll stay past nine

SANTA AND ELVES:
Ha ha ha ha
Ho ho ho ho

NARRATOR:
Finally, after two eons and fifty-nine minutes,
the Parker boys were next in line to climb Mount Olympus.

SANTA AND ELVES:
Up on Santa's lap

KID:
Aaaah!

ELVES:
Listen, Santa's got a lot to do

SANTA:
Santa's not about to wait for you

SANTA AND ELVES:
Up on Santa's lap

SANTA:
What's your name, little boy?

ELVES:
Hurry up, kid.
It's nearly nine, the store's closing.

SANTA:
What do you want for Christmas?

ELVES:
Come on, kid.
Come on, kid.

NARRATOR:
My mind had gone blank. I was blowing it.

SANTA:
How about a nice new toy?

RALPHIE:
No! No! I want an official Red Ryder carbine action 200 shot model air rifle!

SANTA:
You'll shoot your eye out, kid!

RALPHIE:
Aaah!

SANTA AND ELVES:
Up on Santa's lap
Sorry kids, that's all the time we've got

SANTA:
'Cause you only ever get one shot
On Santas's lap

ELVES:
On Santa's lap

SANTA AND ELVES:
Ho ho ho ho