The Anti-Polio Picnic Lyrics

(Spoken) Good morning, good morning, I'm Mrs. Vernon Williams, president of the Baltimore Women's Club, and welcome to the Baltimore Health Department's first annual anti-polio picnic and vaccination carnival!

(Everyone) YAY!

It's a beautiful day for an anti-polio picnic! Picnic!
It's a beautiful day to get a polio shot!
A brave new world's in store,
for picturesque post-war Baltimore

(Spoken) And if you value the use of your legs,
You've come to the right spot!

(Spoken) I'm proud to say that the Baltimore Women's Club has come out against polio by a vote of fifty-six to eight!

(Everyone): YAY!

What a wonderful time to be a teenage conformist! (conformist)
What a wonderful time to be what's known as a square (We are square!)
We're lucky to be us,
so happy and homogen-eous

(Spoken) But still one must take care for danger's lurking
(ALL)EVERYWHERE!

(Spoken) Oh we know Mrs. VW, you can't be too careful!

We watch for communists
Keep tabs on UFOs
Steer clear of weirdos,
And Beardos
and beatniks
And what else, God only knows!

We frown on potty mouth
We don't wear skimpy clothes (No! No!)
We avoid all temptation
Combat modern scourges
Suppress all our lustful and primitive urges!

(Spoken) And now, my granddaughter Allison will present, in his iron lung, the mascot of our carnival
and Baltimore's polio poster boy of the year, brave little Skippy Wagstaff!

(Spoken) Thanks everybody, I sure wish I could have got that shot!

So run right along to the Anti-Polio Picnic (Anti-Polio Picnic!)
Come on along and protect yourself from disease (Ew, disease!)
You're going to be fine, just do what you're told and tow the line
You got to watch your step in times like these... (Yes!)
You got to watch your step in times like these!

[Thanks to matthewhamilton113 for correcting these lyrics]