I Have Written a Play Lyrics

CONDUCTOR
I have written a play, Mr. Jaffee.
An average conductor's day, Mr. Jaffee.
It's all about life on a train.
I call it "Life... On A Train".
I put it down just as it happened
Oh, the things I've seen
Oh the things I've seen.
If you put that on stage I guarantee -
Take it from me! -
It will be
A big success.
Oh yes!
A big success!