Valby John - Ballad Of Big Ass Lil And Yukon Pete Lyrics

The Ballad of Big-Ass Lil and Yukon Pete--John "Dr. Dirty" Valby

Grab your glass and get your seat,
And I'll tell you about Big-Ass Lil and Yukon Pete!

Now, Lil was the village queen,
The f*ckinest hoar you'd ever seen.
While some girls f*cked with grace and ease,
Lil blew dick like the summer breeze.
But when she f*cked, she f*cked for keeps,
She piled her victims up in heaps.

There was a rumor 'round that town,
That no man could put Lil's ass down.
But way up north, where twin rivers meet,
Lived a one-balled half-breed, name Yukon Pete!

Pete was a dirty, motherless soul,
Who f*cked bears, sheep and woodchuck holes.
He got a whip for Big-Ass Lil,
Packed up his rubbers, and came down the hill.
He strode into town on size 32 feet,
Dragging sixteen yards of that red-hot meat!

Well, the scene was set at windy mill,
By the brick shithouse, high on the hill.
All the ladies came for a ringside seat,
Just to watch that half-breed sink his meat.

Well, they f*cked, and they f*cked, and they f*cked for hours,
Uprooting trees, shrubs and flowers.
Lil did front flips, back flips, stunts
All unknown to most common c*nts.
But Pete caught on to every trick,
And kept on pumping in more dick!

Then Lil gave Pete a hoarhouse squeeze
That brought that half-breed to his knees.
But Pete came back with a Yukon grunt
That popped out her eyes, and split her c*nt!

Well, Lil rolled over, cut two farts and sighed:
"Boys, I've been f*cked," cut one more, and died.
When they asked that half-breed of his amazing feat,
He just said, "Boys, I'm going back to the Yukon, and beat my meat