Vex the MC - Bad Memories Lyrics

I got these memories sucking life from the inner me
My energy's depleted, so please just let it be
Until the end of my time, until I'm dead and buried, 'til I'm settled there
In the dirt and grime, I'm forever wary
I can't seem to find the words to share to express
The shame on my shirt sleeve that I wear in distress
Yes, I'm aware it's mess
No, I need no more care or no less
I'm fed up with the stress, I left it behind, I decline, no more I'll digest
I'm finicky, my fingers fidgeting constantly
Holding out for honesty to drop like a bomb in modesty
Comets be shooting overhead, but I don't wish on shooting stars
If I did, I'd wish in my city they'd stop shooting these cars
Taking innocents out of this world, but not to the moon or Mars
Off to what comes after the clap of that balloon when it pops
It's wishful thinking tossing a copper-tinted Lincoln
Into the water, watch it sinking down, hoping that God'll think about it
But I'm not sure what to believe, instead I drink about it
Three or more, I seek the course that's sure to get my thinking clouded
Like hot potato, you can pass that judgment all you like
What you tryna play tho, like you never had a f*ckin' vice?
Got a lotta mud to mine, I 'on wanna be stuck in time
Only got one life to live, don't got a button to rewind
So I'mma just give it a hunnid, temper is up like it slipped out the oven
Cut out the bull but ya mouth is still running
Take that shit back, I don't want it
So God, are you listening? Can you hear me?
I don't know what to believe in anymore, I don't see clearly
I got these people surrounding me, they ain't actin' sincerely
I think they wanna see me fall at any cost involved in a manner of acting severely
Now I'm splittin' hairs, pickin' strands apart at the ends of 'em
Swinging back and forth in my contemplation like a pendulum
Shiver-shaking I'm waiting in the grip of this December wind
I see the window to a better road but it's got tints on it
I'm skipping stones on the water just 'cause I can't seem to get a grip
I'm tryin' to pen a script, but I've been doubtful about my penmanship
With every step, I skip I become less of a perfectionist
My goal was only knowing I would compose what I wrote with messages
No substance, nothing to f*ck with like I'm celibate, no undressing it
No stripping it down, no microscope to decode it and no checking it
But it's getting frigid out in the cold, man
I'm outside and the door's wide open
Take one foot forward towards that warmth but it's gone when I hear that door slam