Vinny Vacant - Regret Has Become One of My Closest Allies Lyrics

(Damn, you did 'em dirty)
Young trauma veteran, I don't do betterment
Trying to improve, oh wait, no, better yet:
Huff away problems, there's no way to solve them
I'm stuck at the bottom yet further I'm falling
The reaper's been calling, I'm letting him in
My demons are crawling, they're all in my skin
These diagnoses passed down from my kin
I'm coated in bronze and I'm drowning in sin
I've been struggling all my life
I'm just tryna find a way
I promise that I'm doing my best
Lay in bed all night awake
Something in my lungs again
I black out and I shake
Dissociation, need sedation, everything feels fake
If I was gone how would they all remember me?
After you left did you go find a better me?
Hate me or love me, but you're not forgetting me
All that I want is for you to remember me
A blip in an era, I just need some numbing
I don't wanna scare her, mascara is running
I know it's f*cked up, but I love when you cry
I'll blame the drugs for the cold in my eyes
Okay, I'm sorry, I don't really mean it
I'm just tryna cope, tryna quiet the demons
I promise I love you, I know you can't see it
Don't know how to show it, can barely conceive it
I know that I'm damaged
I know that you're hurting, you don't deserve it
You know what I'm planning
You've seen how I'm living, just one thing is certain
Don't wanna desert you, but I don't deserve you
I know I'm f*cked up, but I'm trying to learn too
You want me to care and I'm trying to learn to
I'll say "I need time" until I feel I've earned you
I don't know
How am I supposed to live like this?
Small successes get eclipsed by bigger f*ck ups, longer slips
Steeper climbs to greener pastures
Just over that hill
Deepen wounds for self-improvement?
I don't think I will