paradox Video (MV)

I'm a summer baby
Tranced by the stars
I yearn for warm colors
Yet blue stains my heart
I never say what's really in my head
Like how I'd love you till my dying breath
Oooooh oooooh
I wish for all my dreams to sail the sea
But every tidal wave makes me retreat
I say I'm fine growing on my own
But when the moon trades with the sun,
I crave another soul
Is this what it feels like?
To be a conflicted contradiction day & night
I'm a paradox can't you see?
If I can't figure myself out
Can anybody?
I run as far away with stifled cries
Then my bones ache when no one's by my side
I ponder all about a love so grand
But the minute someone holds me I fear I'll land
In the arms
Of my doubt
Praise my healing
Just for me to turn around
And only see
The faults in all I've done
Oh what a conflict in nature I've become
Oooooh oooooh
Moved to Chicago so I can mend
Still I miss my sister and my friends
My mother calls, asking if I'm fine
But I never say I wish she'd hold me tight
Is this what it feels like?
To be a conflicted contradiction day & night
I'm a paradox it's true
If I can't figure myself out
Would you?
I'm turning 23
Yet I remain
A mosaic of the ones that didn't stay
I never share what's really on my mind
Like why did you choose him every time?