Surface Video (MV)

Coming home from tour, hope not too much has changed
I Might not have a job when I get back just some pain
I hope and I pray I'm not begging for some change
But my dreams might be worth way more than I am paid

I'm living out dreams on a real small scale
Thought I'd be happy and I am but just stale
My heart is a lion no way I'mma fail
I'm part of the prey but a sheep is so frail

Repeating these acts like every night can have it's toll so I stay in and write
I walk into work and I'm hating my life but I put up a guard and I say I'm alright

I'm going through pain I don't just say this
Before I get on stage I'm feeling so anxious
Numb to the thrill it's like I just fake this
Ignoring the crowd like it's back to the basics

Way back...
When no one would care
Feeling so full but I'm feeling so scared
'Cause my pockets are weak and there's not enough hope
I've lost every girl for this dream that I chose

Lost the girl in my life who knows me the most
More than my mom and dad we're close
But I couldn't be there 'cause I stayed in and wrote
I still can't believe I gave you that note
No one understands but at least she would listen
Got dozens of people who think that they get it
But honestly man, this shit is a gimmick
I fail one time then I already give in

No one understands the shit that I go through
You say that you do but you don't I don't know you
If there was a way don't you think I would show you?
I've got all of you, but got no one to go to

Got people I don't know who tell me they love me
That bleeds like a knife you don't know what that does me
I hear those words, know that it cuts me
If you knew me for real there's no way you would love me

So I say thanks and then I move on
Another day where I'm trapped in my songs
I miss the old friends but a lot of em gone
I've been chasing this dream, but Lord am I wrong?

Have I been selfish on this journey? Do I have more reasons to worry?
If I work hard enough and I pray even more... Jason will I make it surely?

No time for these questions you've got songs that need writin'
F*ck all your doubts you've got kids that need lifin'
Forget all your feelings you're bein' so selfish
Will my time just go and expire like relish?

I just wanna stop. Let's take a break
But honestly I'm scared because of the stakes
If I slow down now someone's working harder
What if that's the reason i don't make it farther?

What if me never stoppin' is why I die lonely? Is a dream worth my life?
I don't know, see?
I'm focused on the future, if I win I'm a loser
But I promise I'mma live my damn life wholly

I'm livin' on tour and I thought I'd feel joy, but all that brings it back is what I avoid
Livin' in the past isn't much of a choice, so focused on the path but I miss all my boys

Sick of driving this road with the guest of me only
No passenger, no HOV
If you give a real f*ck well then actually show me
But I still won't let you 'cause I'm comfortable lonely

I can't have a girl, believe in love barely
When I find a flaw it honestly scares me
We're talking right now and my feelings ain't near me
She puts in more 'cause she's loving me nearly

Why do I keep close if i'm scared to get close?
I'm too f*cked up to catch feelings so
I don't know what I'm doing my heart is a rose
So pretty from the view but inside it's so broke

It's selfish as f*ck I know i'm not perfect
I'm gonna die lonely, accept it and learn it
You want something real then you actually earn it
I promise I'm worse than I look on the surface