TOM Video (MV)

I wish I knew you ya
And I wish you called
I wish my mom had good intentions
She was probably off

From what I've heard that was the both ya
But the blame is lost
You loved to love and that's the reason
I can write this song

You gave me breath for that I owe ya
More than you could ever know
Though there's the times I feel like nothings real
There's shit I'm here to do

I always wondered where I got it
Since my moms ain't have a clue
But papa was a rolling stone
Now I know it's you

And they say I got your mind
I'm glad it's something
I heard we think a lot alike
Though you could never hug me

And I'll admit that there were times I swore you wasn't shit
But there was shit I didn't know, man I was just a kid

I used to say I f*cking hate you, and I guess I did
Because to me the only thing you did was have these kids
Far as I knew you never did no shit but leave me here
I'd always act like it was cool but I would cry them tears

Still I'm so happy that I found the ones that knew your life
But every time I hear them words it eats me up inside
They tell me if they coulda found me I'da known you too
You'd teach me how to be a man, and I'da known the truth

If I'da known you were alive, I swear this shit'd be different
And I'da spoke a little louder up in Karen's kitchen
I swear they thought I was a ghost, cuz I ain't make a sound
To tell the truth it's hard to talk because I'm always down

I ain't grow up around the fam like everybody else
I never had that kind of love, I had to love myself
Create an ego, only way I'm gonna last through this
They say it's wrong, but they ain't here, I never gave a shit

And that shit worked until the day when I would graduate
Then came those 700 days when I would learn to hate
Myself and everyone around and shit nobody cared
Because nobody ever gave a f*ck if I was here

So if this life had nothing else that it could give to me
I told myself it's only fair that I should leave in peace
I wrote that note, I hugged my dog and then I closed the door
I went downstairs to end it all just like I thought they want

But when I got inside that car so I could gas myself
I think you might have been there with me, guess you tried to help
Cuz something told me I should look for 'Drew
And you was lookin' out for Vicki like she did for you

And me and Vicki talked for hours when she heard the news
And when I heard her cry, I felt like this was something new
Like someone cared but didn't want no bullshit in return
Without my parents, that's a feeling I would never learn

But that's a miscommunication,
Donna sold me short
You never knew me, only cuz she wanted child support
She said you died when I was 8, and now I'm fightin' tears
I coulda kicked it with my pops for 7 f*ckin' years

But I found my brother, never told him, guess I'll say it now
I had his Instagram account but wasn't reaching out
Cuz I was scared he wouldn't know me, probably wouldn't care
I've lived a life designed to tell me no one else is here

But that was then and ain't no way that I could change it now
Man I just wish I coulda met you, hope you're f*ckin' proud
Just know I love you and I hope that there's an afterlife
Cuz when I die, I'll know that all we'll ever have is time

And I hope you smile

HE BELONGS TO THE SEA

Cold snow falls
Ghosts they call
Withered soul
Linger on

Pale grey eyes
Tortured mind
Walk from hope
Search for light

No one's here
Soon you'll find
Pain's alive
Take your time

Find your breath
Dead alive
Roaring wind
Somber sight

Lost, alone
Speak, don't fight
Play the game
End the line

Feel it come
Feel it nigh
Close your eyes
Say goodnight