Alexander Stewart - if you only knew Lyrics

I've been tryin' so hard to survive
Sometimes I think that I wanna die
I feel so f*cking guilty 'cause god, I'm so lucky to live my life
So I keep all the pain to myself
Losin' faith but nobody can tell
Mom, I don't want you worried 'cause that would just hurt me
So I pretend I'm fine

If you only knew
What my mind is tellin' me I should do
That I'm drunk and all alone in my room here tonight
I'm too sad to cry, it's true, oh
If you only knew
All the shit my brain is puttin' me through
You'd come runnin' over straight to my room here tonight
I'm sorry, but I need you, oh
If you only knew

I wish I was somebody else
I'm constantly overwhelmed
Now I'm falling again, gettin' drunk with some friends
It's a silent cry for help
I wanna get better, I want you to know
That I can't do this on my own

If you only knew
What my mind is tellin' me I should do
That I'm drunk and all alone in my room here tonight
I'm too sad to cry, it's true, oh
If you only knew
All the shit my brain is puttin' me through
You'd come runnin' over straight to my room here tonight
I'm sorry, but I need you, oh

Take me out of this hell
Oh, somebody help
Take me out of this hell
Oh, I'm not myself

I wanna tell you what my mind is tellin' me I should do
That I'm drunk and all alone in my room here tonight
I'm too sad to cry but I want to
Oh, if you only knew