poem song Video (MV)

I'm allergic to everything in my hometown
A friend told me that's how allergies work
Kind of like Freudian personality
All of its functionality solidifies before 5
All of my sensitivities decided ahead of me
Before I had control
Before I could find out I was loved
The real way
There are home videos of my mother
Whispering to me as an infant
The way only a new mother can
Swept up in first love birthed from self
Tornadoed in the truth
That something so of love
Could come from within
Does come from within
I always say I'm too busy
Being mother to myself
To be mother for anyone else
But maybe all the weird shit my body would do
Even if I tricked it
With an unreadied love's baby
Could finally program the rest of me to believe
Maybe parenthood would indoctrinate me
Maybe my body could teach me
What the church never could
But often tried
Teach me how to evolve
And not how to die
Teach me my lips are dust
Worth breathing life into
Maybe I'm wrong for wanting a teacher
So small as a daughter
Maybe I was wrong for worshiping a teacher
So small as my God was
Maybe my love would be
Just as small as my God was
Maybe it could be bigger
Now that I know I'm a survivor
Is there any love so unready
As a lying martyr?