Contemplating (feat. the great nothing) Video (MV)

It's been days
Maybe weeks, at this point, I don't know
I still can't feel a thing
And I've got no mental strength
I've got a poison under my skin
Tearing up from the inside out
And if no-one hears this, fine
I'm good for one more bleed out
If you could hear my thoughts
Would you ever f*cking get it
If my struggles are a story
Then kill the f*cking author
I need some sense of control
Over my own decisions
Watch the options dissipate
Plagued village of a mental incoherent state
Lost souls find damages at early graves
Just try to make any f*cking sense
Of my head, of my head
Do you f*cking get it yet
We're all walking abortions
Inept, incomplete, lost and discontented
(Surely god must've killed herself)
Maybe I'll be fine when I lose my mind
Maybe I've been wasting time
Maybe it's the best for me to start living free
Of this awful brain of mine
What if I never find peace
What if there's no relief
But when calamity takes me off my feet
I'll find the hope in this spirit of mine
All the time I've spent sorting through my mess
I still resent that I'm not f*cking dead yet
Burn my money in the bin, dwell in the terror
Go f*ck yourself with an atom bomb
Don't feel good but it doesn't bother me cause
I won't stop till I'm right in my own mind
Maybe I'll be fine when I lose my mind
Maybe I've been wasting time
Maybe it's the best for me to start living free
Of this awful brain of mine
What if I never find peace
What if there's no relief
But when calamity takes me off my feet
I'll find the hope in this spirit of mine
Tell me you'll be proud when I lose myself
Pep me up to love when I'm at my worst
Look me in the eyes when I'm in poor health
And promise that you'll be driving the hearse
The machinery makes me weak
Or maybe it's lack of sleep
Could it be the anxiety that reality
Was never designed for me
Just when I thought I already had
Nothing left but a spark of hope