[ Featuring Heathers the Musical Ensemble ]
September 1st, 1989
Dear Diary
I believe I'm a good person
You know, I think that there's good in everyone, but, here we are!
First day of senior year!
And, uh, I look around at these kids that I've known all my life and I ask myself
What happened?
Freak! Slut! Burnout! Bug-eyes! Poser! Lard-ass!
We were so tiny, happy and shiny
Playing tag and getting chased
(Freak! Slut! Loser! Shortbus!)
Singing and clapping, laughing and napping
Baking cookies, eating paste
(Bull-dyke! Stuck-up! Hunchback!)
Then we got bigger, that was the trigger
Like the Huns invading Rome
Ooh! Ugh! Oh, sorry!
Welcome to my school, this ain't no high school
This is the Thunderdome
Hold your breath and count the days, we're graduating soon
(White trash!)
College will be paradise, if I'm not dead by June!
But I know, I know, life can be beautiful
I pray, I pray for a better way
If we changed back then, we could change again
We can be beautiful
Ow!
Just not today
Hey, are you okay?
Get away, nerd
Oh, okay
Freak! Slut! Cripple! Homo! Homo! Homo!
Things will get better soon as my letter
Comes from Harvard, Duke, or Brown
Wake from this coma, take my diploma
Then I can blow this town
Dream of ivy-covered walls and smoky French cafes
(Watch it!)
Fight the urge to strike a match and set this dump ablaze!
Oops
Ram Sweeney
Third year as linebacker and eighth year of smacking lunch trays and being a huge dick
What did you say to me, skank?
Ah, nothing!
But I know, I know (I know, I know)
Life can be beautiful (beautiful)
I pray, I pray (I pray, I pray)
For a better way (for a better way)
We were kind before (ooh)
We can be kind once more (ooh)
We can be beautiful (ooh, beautiful)
Agh!
Hey, Martha
Hey
Martha Dunnstock
My best friend since diapers
We on for movie night?
Yeah, you're on Jiffy Pop detail
I rented "The Princess Bride"
Ho-ho-ho, again? Wait, don't you have it memorized by now?
What can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy ending
Martha Dumptruck! Wide load! Honk!
Ha ha!
Kurt Kelly, quarterback
He is the smartest guy on the football team
Which is kind of like being the tallest dwarf
Ha ha! Alright!
Hey! Pick that up! Right now!
I'm sorry, are you actually talking to me?
Yes, I am
I wanna know what gives you the right to pick on my friend
You're a high school has-been waiting to happen
A future gas station attendant
You have a zit right there (ha ha, ha ha)
Dear diary
Why?
Why do they hate me?
Why don't I fight back?
Why do I act like such a creep?
Why?
Why won't he date me?
Why did I hit him?
Why do I cry myself to sleep?
Why?
Somebody hug me!
Somebody fix me!
Somebody save me!
Send me a sign, God!
Give me some hope, here!
Something to live for!
Ah! Heather, Heather, and Heather!
And then there's the Heathers
They float above it all
I love Heather, Heather, and Heather
I hate Heather, Heather, and Heather
Heather McNamara, head cheerleader
Her dad is loaded, he sells engagement rings
Heather Duke, runs the yearbook (I want Heather, Heather, and Heather)
No discernible personality, but her mom did pay for implants
And Heather Chandler, the Almighty (I need Heather, Heather)
She is a mythic bitch
They're solid Teflon, never bothered, never harassed
I would give anything to be like that
(Mm-mm-mm)
I'd like to be their boyfriend
That would be beautiful
If I sat at their table, guys would notice me (mm-mm-mm-mm)
So beautiful
I'd like them to be nicer (ooh, that would be beautiful)
I'd like to kidnap a Heather and photograph her naked in an abandoned warehouse
And leave her tied up for the rats
Grow up, Heather, bulimia is so '87
Maybe you should see a doctor, Heather
Yeah, Heather, maybe I should
Ah, Heather and Heather and Heather
Perhaps you didn't hear the bell over all the vomiting?
You're late for class
Heather wasn't feeling well
We're helping her
Not without a hall pass, you're not
Week's detention
Um, actually, Ms. Fleming, all four of us are out on a hall pass
Yearbook committee
I see you're all listed
Hurry up and get where you're going
This is an excellent forgery
Who are you?
Uh, Veronica Sawyer
I crave a boon
What boon?
Um
Let me sit at your table, at lunch
Just once, no talking necessary
If people think that you guys tolerate me, then they'll leave me alone (ha ha, ha ha)
Before you answer, I also do report cards, permission slips, and absence notes
How about prescriptions?
Shut up, Heather
Sorry, Heather
For a greasy little nobody, you do have good bone structure
And a symmetrical face
If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull, I'd have matching halves
That's very important
Of course, you could stand to lose a few pounds
And ya know, ya know, ya know?
This could be beautiful
Mascara, maybe some lip gloss
And we're on our way
Get this girl some blush
And Heather, I need your brush
Let's make her beautiful
Let's make her beautiful
Let's make her beautiful
Make her beautiful
Okay?
Okay!
Out of my way, geek!
I don't want trouble
You're gonna die at 3 p.m.!
Don't you dare touch me! Get away, pervert!
What did I ever do to them?
Who could survive this?
I can't escape this!
I think I'm dying!
Who's that with Heather?
Whoa
Heather, Heather, Heather
And someone!
Heather, Heather, Heather
And a babe!
Heather, Heather, Heather
Veronica?
Veronica? Veronica? Veronica?
And you know, you know, you know (oh)
Life can be beautiful (ah, beautiful)
You hope, you dream, you pray (oh, ah)
And you get your way!
Ask me how it feels (beautiful)
Lookin' like hell on wheels
My God, it's beautiful! (Beautiful)
I might be beautiful (beautiful)
And when you're beautiful (ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah)
It's a beautiful frickin' day!
Heather! Heather! Heather! Veronica!
Heather! Heather! Heather! Veronica! (Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Veronica! Veronica! Veronica!
Veronica!
