cuddlegoon - At First Face Lyrics

I was only twelve when I was panickin'
Couple later, traded in my pals and got some mannequins
And I don't wanna be another rapper huntin' capital
So had to take some time and try to figure out a plan again
Fifteen, was listening to dime-a-dozen poets
Mad at women, weed, and Twitter feeds
And hiding under stoic
Pretenses - we get it - these men are repetitive (Repetitive, yeah)
I could trade in fifty Tokens at an arcade
It'll happen if it's spoken, shit is arcane
All the gravel in the spokes, the handlebars flang
Upwards like I thought my spot would be when all the bars came
Twenty soon, thankful that I found some better idols
Than the other fools, specialize in lowered-lettered titles
And some muddled truths, that could not be cuddlegoon
Underpooch, underrehearsed like childhood recitals
Mine looked like piano keys, why I'm sappy, known to siphon
Slow on doki so you know they like to look at vitals
And I've been mostly quiet since, burning slow like my incense
Piper gon' be pipin, but I pass it, homie, I insist
Homie, I insist
Homie, I insist
Homie, I ain't cis
Homie, I ain't cis or anybody's sissy boy
People claim to love me from these songs but it's a different voice
And talking isn't often, but it's softer than the squishy toy
My dog is always chomping on and squeaking 'til I get annoyed
Trying not to get all caught up, problems that I did avoid
And caused a lot of trauma, wish I'd never even been a boy
Buried face in pages, that's why 'Hazel' was the quickest choice
All I ever wanted was to utter just a pretty noise
Every single moment, getting torn up at the seams
Melodies and open chords, it's sort of bittersweet
Never getting sleep, still dysphoric in my dreams
Searching for an oracle to pour into, repeat
Prayers every morning, be reborn as something more than what these genes
Have formed, coordinated, predetermined me
I will not accept it, I'll neglect it, I'll correct it
Whether pill or patch, or sticking in a needle every week
Now I keep my head down, hands steady on the meds now
Heading off to therapy to bandage where I bled out
But the scabs across the skin'll fade, everything evolves
Telegraph to ticker tape, never fully solved
But we can get a shovel, start unearthing what was underneath
Ripping out the roots and weeds, attempt to sow another seed
Certain it was worth it, sleeping pressed against my lover's cheek
Maybe I'll wake and up and discover this was just a dream