Demetri Martin - Sames and Opposites Lyrics

In life there are many things
Some of them are the same and some are opposites
About some of these things I do sing

A cactus is the opposite of a chair
In my house you can sit anywhere but there
Especially if your ass is bare

A bird house is not the same as a bird home
One is much more comfortable for birds

These are sames and opposites my friends
Which I determined

A musical is the same as a burlap sack
I would not want to be in either

A squirrel is the same as a can
When there's a BB gun in my hand
Can't you see that I am just a man?
With distinctions and comparisons

Spare change is the same as wedgies for me
I don't give it unless someone's really asking

Saying I apologize is the very same
As saying I'm sorry, they're the same
Unless you're at a funeral

To live is the same as to dream
If you do both long enough you'll see
But you have to work in between
Unless you have narcolepsy

(That was a boring solo)

Earrings are the same as sneezes
Two is okay but ten in a row is annoying
If you have two then God bless you

These are sames and opposites my friends
Which I have determined

A secret admirer is the same as a stalker
With stationery

An ex-girlfriend is the same as an okay movie
I liked it at the time but I don't want to see it again
Especially if the movie was kind of a bitch

These are sames and opposites my friends
Which I have determined
So far