Derooted - Beneath the waves Lyrics

I'm really not in the mood
Cared a lot about you
Often I care too much
I got to
Put myself first
Opposite of well versed
When it comes health
I've seemed to shelter
Others above myself
How could I ask for help?
From someone I had to help?
Shouldn't have to ask, but I have to tell
Cuz, I got a little urge inside me
Always trying to try me
Always trying to revive me
Before I'm beneath the waves
And before we display
The signs of a distant strain
Inside of a distant place
That I don' wanna know of
No I don' wanna acknowledge it
Cuz I don' wanna go on
Knowing what I know now 'bout this
So how am I to hold on?
How am I to get by through this?
Cuz I don' even know one
I can call my friend after this is over
I don' even have closure
I don' even have a shoulder to
Lean on, even soldiers
Agree on all the golden rules
The weight on my chest
Isn't mine to bear, no
Afraid of the fact
It's been hard to care oh
Hard to engage, even hard to hear those
Thoughts you harbored over years, oh
But I get it though
Get that you won't let it go
Get that nothing will never
Ge the same as before
You don't regret it, no
Never once presented no
Apologetic note
About the things you said and wrote
What u did is unforgettable
Hope you never really meant it though
But as of now I never really know
I never really know...
Before I'm beneath the waves
And before we display
The signs of a distant strain
Inside of a distant place
That I don' wanna know of
No I don' wanna acknowledge it
Cuz I don' wanna go on
Knowing what I know now 'bout this
So how am I to hold on?
How am I to get by through this?
Cuz I don' even know one
I can call my friend after this is over