Desertion - Ceiling Lyrics

I wake up every day
Wondering
Why my life ended up this way
Thinking I'm not meant for greatness
Thinking that I'm not meant for happiness
Thinking I'm meant to be alone because I'm constantly being abandoned
Is it just in my head or is it real
I won't ever know for sure it's just the way I feel
Not a day has passed that I haven't been depressed
Not a day has passed without this pain in my chest
Not a day has passed that Im not filled with regret
I wish that I could say I'm fine
But I know I'd be living a lie
I wish that could say I'm fine
But it's the truth thats hard to find
I don't remember the last time I felt alive
Because there isn't a day that I wake up and want to try
I lay awake and stare at my ceiling
For hours on end and try to forget my feelings
I'm trying to forget my feelings
I've never felt more at home
But I've never felt so alone
I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel to find a reason I can go to sleep at night
A reason to go to sleep and stop staring at my ceiling
She was my reason but when she left I stopped dreaming
I still smell her scent in my bed
It's been forever and she hasn't left my head
I want to live I want to love
I want to cease
To exist
I'm burning down all the bridges I tried so hard to build
I can't help but think that my void will never be filled
With every waking moment I make each breath last
Because I constantly wish that each breath would be my last