Double A - no one Lyrics

I'll get old and then I'll forget
What I have left in my head
And if I get the nerve to leave my room
And search for you, that's all I'll do
Looking at you sideways, you look pretty lively
Complicated, I'll think about everything and nothing
Feeling ever useless, growing ever used to this
Teach an old dog new tricks
Feening for a new fix
Shave lines in my head
Lighting cigarettes
Practice petty theft or something insignificant
Should I feel more or less
I don't want to guess
Driving to escape, but I can't even see
Pedal to the floor, they're laying on their horns
This dinky thing misses everything
And everyone's colliding
Speedbumps in the Subaru
Bodies in the rear view
I don't want to feel, none of this is real
I don't want to feel, I don't want to feel
Cause none of this is real
I'll get old and then I'll forget
What I have left in my head
And if I get the nerve to leave my room
And search for you, that's all I'll do
Cause nothing makes sense when I'm without you
And if you think I'm better off, I could tell you the truth
Because I'm two lines ahead and a few steps back
And I'm just dizzy making sense of the place that I'm at
And right now I can't even think about it
Remember being 15
Remember being 21
Remember being anything
To literally anyone
Remember feeling numb
Remember staying up
Now you're never staying up
Cause you can never sleep enough
Remember feeling pain
Remember ever not
Remember everything you were pissed you'd never got
Remember feeling like your whole world could just blow up
Now you're on the side where you're probably better off
By now I'm feeling like I'm pretty much over it, I'm pretty much over this
Cause I've lived too long to be
Anything but over it, but I'm anything but over this
I'll get old and then I'll forget
No one was ever really there for me
And if I get the nerve to walk outside
I won't realize I feel alright
Cause nothing makes sense when I'm out of my room
And every wall doesn't remind me of the life that I knew
And maybe disorientation isn't the way to go
But I've been dying for so long yet I can't seem to let go
Oh
Why does it hurt so much
Why can't I just let it go
(Feel the pressure in my head) oh
Why does it hurt so much
Why can't I just let it go