Dear Slim, I wrote you, but you still ain't callin'
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I left my cell, my pager and my home phone at the bottom
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I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not've got 'em
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There prolly was a problem at the post office or somethin'
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Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em
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But anyways, F it, what's been up, man? How's your daughter?
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My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm 'bout to be a father
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If I have a daughter, guess what I'ma call her? I'ma name her Bonnie
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I read about your Uncle Ronnie too, I'm sorry
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I had a friend kill himself over some **** who didn't want him
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I know you probably hear this every day, but I'm your biggest fan
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I even got the underground stuff that you did with Skam
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I got a room full of your posters and your pictures, man
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I like the stuff you did with Rawkus too, that **** was phat
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Anyways, I hope you get this, man, hit me back
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Just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan, this is Stan
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My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I
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The morning rain clouds up my window
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And even if I could, it'd all be grey
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But your picture on my wall
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It reminds me that it's not so bad
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Dear Slim, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance
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I ain't mad, I just think it's messed up you don't answer fans
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If you didn't want to talk to me outside your concert, you didn't have to
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But you coulda signed an autograph for Matthew
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That's my little brother, man, he's only six years old
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We waited in the blisterin' cold
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For you, for four hours, and you just said no
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That's pretty crummy, man, you're like his favorite idol
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He wants to be just like you, man, he likes you more than I do
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I ain't that mad, though I just don't like bein' lied to
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Remember when we met in Denver? You said if I'd write you, you would write back
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See, I'm just like you in a way: I never knew my father neither
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He used to always cheat on my mom and beat her
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I can relate to what you're sayin' in your songs
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So when I have a crummy day, I drift away and put 'em on
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'Cause I don't really got **** else, so that **** helps when I'm depressed
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I even got a tattoo with your name across the chest
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Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds
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It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me
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See, everything you say is real, and I respect you 'cause you tell it
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My girlfriend's jealous 'cause I talk about you 24/7
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But she don't know you like I know you, Slim, no one does
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She don't know what it was like for people like us growin' up
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You gotta call me, man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
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Sincerely yours, Stan, P.S: We should be together too
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My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I
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The morning rain clouds up my window
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And even if I could, it'd all be grey
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But your picture on my wall
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It reminds me that it's not so bad
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Dear Mr. I'm-Too-Good-to-Call-or-Write-My-Fans
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This'll be the last package I ever send your ass
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It's been six months, and still no word, I don't deserve it?
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I know you got my last two letters, I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect
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So this is my cassette I'm sendin' you, I hope you hear it
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I'm in the car right now, I'm doin' ninety on the freeway
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Hey, Slim, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive?
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You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night"
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About that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drownin'
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But didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a show he found him?
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That's kinda how this is: you coulda rescued me from drownin'
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Now it's too late, I'm on a thousand downers now, I'm drowsy
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And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call
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I hope you know I ripped all of your pictures off the wall
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I loved you, Slim, we coulda been together, think about it
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You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
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And when you dream, I hope you can't sleep and you scream about it
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I hope your conscience eats at you and you can't breathe without me
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See, Slim, shut up, ****, I'm tryna talk
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Hey, Slim, that's my girlfriend screamin' in the trunk
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But I didn't slit her throat, I just tied her up, see? I ain't like you
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'Cause if she suffocates she'll suffer more and then she'll die too
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Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now
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Oh, shoot, I forgot, how am I supposed to send this tape out?
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My tea's gone cold, I'm wondering why I
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The morning rain clouds up my window
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And even if I could, it'd all be grey
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But your picture on my wall
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It reminds me that it's not so bad
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Dear Stan, I meant to write you sooner, but I just been busy
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You said your girlfriend's pregnant now, how far along is she?
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Look, I'm really flattered you would call your daughter that
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And here's an autograph for your brother; I wrote it on a Starter cap
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I'm sorry I didn't see you at the show, I must've missed you
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Don't think I did that **** intentionally just to diss you
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But what's this stuff you said about you like to cut your wrists too?
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I say that stuff just clownin', dawg, come on, how messed up is you?
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You got some issues, Stan, I think you need some counselin'
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To help your ass from bouncin' off the walls when you get down some
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And what's this junk about us meant to be together?
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That type of crap'll make me not want us to meet each other
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I really think you and your girlfriend need each other
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Or maybe you just need to treat her better
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I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time
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Before you hurt yourself, I think that you'll be doin' just fine
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If you relax a little, I'm glad I inspire you, but Stan
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Why are you so mad? Try to understand that I do want you as a fan
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I just don't want you to do some crazy bit
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I seen this one **** on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick
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Some dude was drunk and drove his car over a bridge
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And had his girlfriend in the trunk, and she was pregnant with his kid
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And in the car they found a tape, but they didn't say who it was to
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Come to think about it, his name was, it was you
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