Eminem - The Slim Shady LP Album Lyrics

[Announcer:]
This is a public service announcement brought to you in part by Slim Shady. The views and events
Expressed here are totally f*cked, and are not necessarily the views of anyone.
However the events and suggestions that appear on this album are not to be taken lightly.
Children should not partake in the listening of this album with laces in their shoes.
Slim Shady is not responsible for your actions.
Upon purchasing this album you have agreed to try this at home.
Anything else?

[Eminem:]
Yeah, don't do drugs.

[Chorus: x2]

Hi! My name is... (what?) My name is... (who?)
My name is... [scratches] Slim Shady
Hi! My name is... (huh?) My name is... (what?)
My name is... [scratches] Slim Shady

Ahem... excuse me!
Can I have the attention of the class
For one second?

[Eminem]
Hi kids! Do you like Primus? (Yeah yeah!)
Wanna see me stick Nine Inch Nails through each one of my eyelids? (Uh-huh!)
Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did?
Try {'cid} and get messed up worse that my life is?
My brain's dead weight, I'm tryin to get my head straight
But I can't figure out which Spice Girl I want to {impregnate}
And Dr. Dre said, "Slim Shady you a basehead! "
Uh-uhhh! "So why's your face red? Man you wasted! "
Well since age twelve, I've felt like a caged elf
Who stayed to himself, in one space, chasin his tail (blalblalblabla)
Got ticked off and ripped Pamela Lee's lips off
Kissed em and said, "I ain't know silicone was 'sposed to be this soft"
I'm bout to pass out and crash, and fall in the grass
Faster than a fat man who sat down too fast
C'mere lady! (Shady, wait a minute, that's my girl dog!)
I don't give a damn, Dre sent me to tick the world off!

[Chorus]

[Eminem]
My English teacher wanted to flunk me in junior high (Damn!)
Thanks a lot... next semester, I'll be thirty-five
I smacked him in his face with an eraser, chased him with a stapler
And told him to change the grade on the paper (Now!)
Walked in the strip club, had my jacket zipped up
Served the bartender, then walked out with a tip cup
Extraterrestrial, runnin over pedestrians
In a spaceship while they're screamin at me: "LET'S JUST BE FRIENDS! "
Ninety-nine percent of my life I was lied to
I just found out my mom does more {dope} than I do
I told her I'd grow up to be a famous rapper
Make a record about doin {drugs} and name it after her (Here mom!)
You know you blew up when the women rush your stands
And try to touch your hands like some screamin Usher fans (Aaahhhhhh!)
This guy at White Castle asked for my autograph (Dude, can I get your autograph?)
So I signed it: 'Dear Dave, thanks for the support, {ASSHOLE! }'

[Chorus]

[Eminem]
Stop the tape! This kid needs to be locked away! (Get him!)
Dr. Dre, don't just stand there, OPERATE!
I'm not ready to leave, it's too scary to die
I'll have to be carried inside the cemetery and buried alive
Am I comin or goin? I can barely decide
I just drank a fifth of Kool-Aid - dare me to drive? (Go ahead)
All my life I was very deprived
I ain't had a woman in years, and my palms are too hairy to hide
Clothes ripped like the Incredible Hulk (hachhh-too)
I spit when I talk, I'll {f*ck} anything that walks (C'mere)
When I was little I used to get so hungry I would throw fits
HOW YOU GONNA BREAST FEED ME MOM? (WAH!) YOU AIN'T GOT NO {TITS! } (WAH!)
I lay awake and strap myself in the bed
Put a bulleproof vest on and tap myself in the head (BANG!)
I'm steamin mad (Arrrggghhh!)
And by the way when you see my dad? (Yeah?)
Ask him if he bought a porno mag and seen my ad

[Chorus]

[sound of static]

[announcer]
Meet Eddie, twenty-three years old.
Fed up with life and the way things are going,
He decides to rob a liquor store.
("I can't take this no more, I can't take it no more homes")
But on his way in, he has a sudden change of heart.
And suddenly, his conscience comes into play...
("Shit is mine, I gotta do this... gotta do this")

[Dr. Dre]
Alright, stop! (Huh?)
Now before you walk in the door of this liquor store
And try to get money out the drawer
You better think of the consequence (But who are you?)
I'm your motherf*ckin conscience

[Eminem]
That's nonsense!
Go in and gaffle the money and run to one of your aunt's cribs
And borrow a damn dress, and one of her blonde wigs
Tell her you need a place to stay
You'll be safe for days if you shave your legs with Renee's razor blade

[Dr. Dre]
Yeah but if it all goes through like it's supposed to
The whole neighborhood knows you and they'll expose you
Think about it before you walk in the door first
Look at the store clerk, she's older than George Burns

[Eminem]
F*ck that! Do that shit! Shoot that bitch!
Can you afford to blow this shit? Are you that rich?
Why you give a f*ck if she dies? Are you that bitch?
Do you really think she gives a f*ck if you have kids?

[Dr. Dre]
Man, don't do it, it's not worth it to risk it! (You're right!)
Not over this shit (Stop!) Drop the biscuit (I will!)
Don't even listen to Slim yo, he's bad for you
(You know what Dre? I don't like your attitude...)

[sound of static]

("It's alright c'mon, just come in here for a minute")
("Mmm, I don't know! ")
("Look baby... ")
("Damn! ")
("Yo, it's gonna be alright, right? ")
("Well OK... ")

[announcer]
Meet Stan, twenty-one years old. ("Give me a kiss! ")
After meeting a young girl at a rave party,
Things start getting hot and heavy in an upstairs bedroom.
Once again, his conscience comes into play... ("Shit! ")

[Eminem]
Now listen to me, while you're kissin her cheek
And smearin her lipstick, I slipped this in her drink
Now all you gotta do is nibble on this little bitch's earlobe...
(Yo! This girl's only fifteen years old
You shouldn't take advantage of her, that's not fair)
Yo, look at her bush... does it got hair? (Uh huh!)
F*ck this bitch right here on the spot bare
Til she passes out and she forgot how she got there
(Man, ain't you ever seen that one movie _Kids_?)
No, but I seen the porno with SunDoobiest!
(Shit, you wanna get hauled off to jail?)
Man f*ck that, hit that shit raw dawg and bail...

[sound of static]
[pickup idling, radio playing]

[announcer]
Meet Grady, a twenty-nine year old construction worker.
After coming home from a hard day's work,
He walks in the door of his trailer park home
To find his wife in bed with another man.
("WHAT THE F*CK? !? ! ")
("Grady! ")

[Dr. Dre]
Alright calm down, relax, start breathin...

[Eminem]
F*ck that shit, you just caught this bitch cheatin
While you at work she's with some dude tryin to get off? !
F*CK slittin her throat, CUT THIS BITCH'S HEAD OFF!

[Dr. Dre]
Wait! What if there's an explanation for this shit?
(What? She tripped? Fell? Landed on his dick? !)
Alright Shady, maybe he's right Grady
But think about the baby before you get all crazy

[Eminem]
Okay! Thought about it, still wanna stab her?
Grab her by the throat, get your daughter and kidnap her?
That's what I did, be smart, don't be a retard
You gonna take advice from somebody who slapped DEE BARNES? !

[Dr. Dre]
What'chu say? (What's wrong? Didn't think I'd remember?)
I'm a kill you motherf*cker!

[Eminem]
Uhhh-aahh! Temper temper!
Mr. Dre? Mr. N.W.A.?
Mr. AK comin' straight outta Compton y'all better make way?
How in the f*ck you gonna tell this man not to be violent?

[Dr. Dre]
Cause he don't need to go the same route that I went
Been there, done that... aw f*ck it...
What am I sayin? Shoot em both Grady, where's your gun at?

[gun fires, is cocked, and re-fired]

[Doctor] Scalpel
[Nurse] Here
[Doctor] Sponge
[Nurse] Here
[Doctor] Wait... he's convulsing, he's convulsing!
[Nurse] Ah!
[Doctor] We're gonna have to shock him!
[Nurse] Oh my! Oh my God!
[Doctor] We're gonna have to shock him!
[Nurse] Oh my God!

[Eminem]
These are the results of a thousand electric volts
A neck with bolts, "Nurse we're losin him, check the pulse! "
A kid who refused to respect adults
Wore spectacles with taped frames and a freckled nose
A corny lookin white boy, scrawny and always ornery
Cause I was always sick of brawny bullies pickin on me
And I might snap, one day just like that
I decided to strike back and flatten every tire on the bike rack
(Whosssssh) My first day in junior high, this kid said,
"It's you and I, three o'clock sharp this afternoon you die"
I looked at my watch it was one twenty
"I already gave you my lunch money what more do you want from me? !? "
He said, "Don't try to run from me, you'll just make it worse... "
My palms were sweaty, and I started to shake at first
Something told me, "Try to fake a stomach ache it works"
I screamed, "Owww! My appendix feels like they could burst!
Teacher, teacher, quick I need a naked nurse! "
[N] "What's the matter? "
[E] "I don't know, my leg, it hurts! "
[N] "Leg? !? I thought you said it was your tummy? !? "
[E] "Oh, I mean it is, but I also got a bum knee! "
[N] "Mr. Mathers, the fun and games are over.
And just for that stunt, you're gonna get some extra homework."
[E] "But don't you wanna give me after school detention? "
[N] "Nah, that bully wants to beat your ass and I'm a let him."

[Chorus: x2]

Brain damage, ever since the day I was born
Drugs is what they used to say I was on
They say I never knew which way I was goin
But everywhere I go they keep playin my song

[Eminem]
Brain damage...
Way before my baby daughter Hailey
I was harassed daily by this fat kid named D'Angelo Bailey
An eighth grader who acted obnoxious, cause his father boxes
So everyday he'd shove me in the lockers
One day he came in the bathroom while I was pissin
And had me in the position to beat me into submission
He banged my head against the urinal til he broke my nose,
Soaked my clothes in blood, grabbed me and choked my throat
I tried to plead and tell him, "We shouldn't beef"
But he just wouldn't leave, he kept chokin me and I couldn't breathe
He looked at me and said, "You gonna die honkey! "
The principal walked in (What's going on in here?)
And started helpin him stomp me
I made them think they beat me to death
Holdin my breath for like five minutes before they finally left
Then I got up and ran to the janitor's storage booth
Kicked the door hinge loose and ripped out the four inch screws
Grabbed some sharp objects, brooms, and foreign tools
"This is for every time you took my orange juice,
Or stole my seat in the lunchroom and drank my chocolate milk.
Every time you tipped my tray and it dropped and spilt.
I'm gettin you back bully! Now once and for good."
I cocked the broomstick back and swung hard as I could
And beat him over the head with it til I broke the wood
Knocked him down, stood on his chest with one foot...
... Made it home, later that same day
Started reading a comic, and suddenly everything became gray
I couldn't even see what I was tryin to read
I went deaf, and my left ear started to bleed
My mother started screamin, "What are you on, drugs? !?
Look at you, you're gettin blood all over my rug! " (Sorry!)
She beat me over the head with the remote control
Opened a hole, and my whole brain fell out of my skull
I picked it up and screamed, "Look bitch, what have you done? !? "
[M] "Oh my God, I'm sorry son"
[E] "Shut up you c*nt! " I said, "F*ck it! "
Took it and stuck it back up in my head
Then I sewed it shut and put a couple of screws in my neck

[Chorus]

[Eminem]
Brain damage...
It's brain damage...
I got brain damage...
It's brain damage...
It's probably brain damage...
It's brain damage...
Brain damage...
I got brain damage...

Paul, yo, um
So I got your message, I wish you would answer the f*ckin' phone
Um
Turn right
No, I don't plan to reply to everybody who f*ckin' says something f*cked up about me
But I will say this, I was reading some comments last night about, like
What people are f*ckin' saying about Revival
And, uh
Yo, this Yahoo mother f*cker, whatever the f*ck his name is
Said I, literally said I rhymed "rhymes" with "chimes"
"Sucker free, confidence high
Such a breeze when I pen rhymes"
Like, you don't understand I'm rhyming the entire f*ckin' sentence you f*ckin' moron
It's my fault 'cause you're f*ckin' stupid
But I swear to God this motherf*cker lives in Michigan and I think I figured out his address
And I'm on my way to his f*ckin' house right now
Turn left
I'll hit you back later

Life... by Marshall Mathers
What is life?
Life is like a big obstacle
Put in front of your optical to slow you down
And everytime you think you gotten past it
It's gonna come back around and tackle you to the damn ground
What are friends?
Friends are people that you think are your friends
But they really your enemies, with secret indentities
And disguises, to hide they true colors
So just when you think you close enough to be brothers
They wanna come back and cut your throat when you ain't lookin
What is money?
Money is what makes a man act funny
Money is the root of all evil
Money'll make them same friends come back around
Swearing that they was always down
What is life?
I'm tired of life
I'm tired of backstabbing ass snakes with friendly grins
I'm tired of committing so many sins
Tired of always giving in when this bottle of Henny wins
Tired of never having any ends
Tired of having skinny friends hooked on crack and mini-thins
I'm tired of this DJ playing YOUR shit when he spins
Tired of not having a deal
Tired of having to deal with the bullshit without grabbing the steel
Tired of drowning in my sorrow
Tired of having to borrow a dollar for gas to start my Monte Carlo
I'm tired of motherf*ckers spraying shit and dartin off
I'm tired of jobs startin off at five fifty an hour
Then this boss wanders why I'm smartin off
I'm tired of being fired everytime I fart and cough
Tired of having to work as a gas station clerk
For this jerk breathing down my neck driving me bezerk
I'm tired of using plastic silverware
Tired of working in Building Square
Tired of not being a millionaire

But if I had a million dollars
I'd buy a damn brewery, and turn the planet into alcoholics
If I had a magic wand, I'd make the world suck my dick
Without a condom on, while I'm on the john
If I had a million bucks
It wouldn't be enough, because I'd still be out
Robbing armored trucks
If I had one wish
I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss

I'm tired of being white trash, broke and always poor
Tired of taking pop bottles back to the party store
I'm tired of not having a phone
Tired of not having a home to have one in if I did have it on
Tired of not driving a BM
Tired of not working at GM, tired of wanting to be him
Tired of not sleeping without a Tylenol PM
Tired of not performing in a packed coliseum
Tired of not being on tour
Tired of f*cking the same blonde whore after work
In the back of a Contour
I'm tired of faking knots with a stack of ones
Having a lack of funds and resorting back to guns
Tired of being stared at
I'm tired of wearing the same damn Nike Air hat
Tired of stepping in clubs wearing the same pair of Lugz
Tired of people saying they're tired of hearing me rap about drugs
Tired of other rappers who ain't bringin half the skill as me
Saying they wasn't feeling me on "Nobody's As I'll As Me"
I'm tired of radio stations telling fibs
Tired of J-L-B saying "Where Hip-Hop Lives"

But if I had a million dollars
I'd buy a damn brewery, and turn the planet into alcoholics
If I had a magic wand, I'd make the world suck my dick
Without a condom on, while I'm on the john
If I had a million bucks
It wouldn't be enough, because I'd still be out
Robbing armored trucks
If I had one wish
I would ask for a big enough ass for the whole world to kiss

You know what I'm saying?
I'm tired of all of this bullshit
Telling me to be positive
How'm I 'sposed to be positive when I don't see shit positive?
Know what I'm sayin?
I rap about shit around me, shit I see
Know what I'm sayin? Right now I'm tired of everything
Tired of all this player hating that's going on in my own city
Can't get no airplay, you know what I'm sayin?
But ey, it's cool though, you know what I'm sayin?
Just fed up
That's my word

Just the two of us... [x8]

[Eminem]
Baby your da-da loves you (hey)
And I'm a always be here for you (hey) no matter what happens
You're all I got in this world
I would never give you up for nothin
Nobody in this world is ever gonna keep you from me
I love you

C'mon Hai-Hai, we goin to the beach
Grab a couple of toys and let da-da strap you in the car seat
Oh where's mama? She's takin a little nap in the trunk
Oh that smell (whew!) da-da musta runned over a skunk
Now I know what you're thinkin - it's kind of late to go swimmin
But you know your mama, she's one of those type of women
That do crazy things, and if she don't get her way, she'll throw a fit
Don't play with da-da's toy knife, honey, let go of it (no!)
And don't look so upset, why you actin bashful?
Don't you wanna help da-da build a sand castle? (yeah!)
And mama said she wants to show how far she can float
And don't worry about that little boo-boo on her throat
It's just a little scratch - it don't hurt, her was eatin
Dinner while you were sweepin and spilled ketchup on her shirt
Mama's messy isn't she? We'll let her wash off in the water
And me and you can pway by ourselves, can't we?

Just the two of us... [x2]
And when we ride!
Just the two of us... [x2]
Just you and I!
Just the two of us... [x2]
And when we ride!
Just the two of us... [x2]
Just you and I!

See honey... there's a place called heaven and a place called hell
A place called prison and a place called jail
And da-da's probably on his way to all of em except one
Cause mama's got a new husband and a stepson
And you don't want a brother do ya? (Nah)
Maybe when you're old enough to understand a little better
I'll explain it to ya
But for now we'll just say mama was real real bad
She was bein mean to dad and made him real real mad
But I still feel sad that I put her on time-out
Sit back in your chair honey, quit tryin to climb out (WAHH!)
I told you it's okay HaiHai, wanna ba-ba?
Take a night-night? Nan-a-boo, goo-goo ga-ga?
Her make goo-goo ca-ca? Da-da change your dia-dee
Clean the baby up so her can take a nighty-nighty
Your dad'll wake her up as soon as we get to the water
Ninety-seven Bonnie and Clyde, me and my daughter

Just the two of us... [x2]
And when we ride!
Just the two of us... [x2]
Just you and I!
Just the two of us... [x2]
And when we ride!
Just the two of us... [x2]
Just you and I!

Wake up sweepy head we're here, before we pway
We're gonna take mama for a wittle walk along the pier
Baby, don't cry honey, don't get the wrong idea
Mama's too sweepy to hear you screamin in her ear (ma-maa!)
That's why you can't get her to wake, but don't worry
Da-da made a nice bed for mommy at the bottom of the lake
Here, you wanna help da-da tie a rope around this rock? (yeah!)
We'll tie it to her footsie then we'll roll her off the dock
Ready now, here we go, on the count of free...
One... two... free... WHEEEEEE! (whoooooshhhhh)
There goes mama, spwashin in the wa-ta
No more fightin with dad, no more restraining order
No more step-da-da, no more new brother
Blow her kisses bye-bye, tell mama you love her (mommy!)
Now we'll go play in the sand, build a castle and junk
But first, just help dad with two more things out the trunk

Just the two of us... [x2]
And when we ride!
Just the two of us... [x2]
Just you and I!
Just the two of us... [x2]
And when we ride!
Just the two of us... [x2]
Just you and I!

Just the two of us... [x4]

[Eminem]
Just me and you baby
Is all we need in this world
Just me and you
Your da-da will always be there for you
Your da-da's always gonna love you
Remember that
If you ever need me I will always be here for you
If you ever need anything, just ASK
Da-da will be right there
Your da-da loves you
I love you baby

[Zoe:]
Justin?
It's Zoe.
Kelly did not have me call, however
I just listened to EMINEM in her car & it is the most disgusting thing
I have ever heard in my entire life.
And I seriously wanna call his f*cking agent
And tell him how f*cking disgusting he is
It, like, makes me upset and
I'm now nausious and I can't eat lunch. Goodbye.

OK, I'm going to attempt to drown myself
You can try this at home
You can be just like me!

Mic check one two... we recordin?
I'm cancerous, so when I diss you wouldn't wanna answer this
If you responded back with a battle rap you wrote for Canibus
I strangled you to death then I choked you again
Then break your f*ckin legs till your bones poke through your skin
You beef with me, I'm a even the score equally
Take you on Jerry Springer, and beat yer ass legally
I get you blunted off of funny home grown
Cause when I smoke out I hit the trees harder than Sonny Bono
(Ohh no!) So if I said I never did drugs
That would mean I lie AND get f*cked more than the President does
Hillary Clinton tried to slap me and call me a pervert
I ripped her f*ckin tonsils out and fed her sherbet (Bitch!)
My nerves hurt, and lately I'm on edge
Grabbed Vanilla Ice and ripped out his blonde dreads (F*ck you!)
Every girl I ever went out with is goin lez
Follow me and do exactly what the song says:
Smoke weed, take pills, drop outta school, kill people and drink
And jump behind the wheel like it was still legal
I'm dumb enough to walk in a store and steal
So I'm dumb enough to ask for a date with Lauryn Hill
Some people only see that I'm white, ignorin skill
Cause I stand out like a green hat with a orange bill
But I don't get pissed, y'all don't even see through the mist
How the f*ck can I be white, I don't even exist
I get a clean shave, bathe, go to a rave
Die from an overdose and dig myself up out of my grave
My middle finger won't go down, how do I wave?
And this is how I'm supposed to teach kids how to behave?

Now follow me and do exactly what you see
Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me!
I slap women and eat shrooms then O.D.
Now don't you wanna grow up to be just like me!

Me and Marcus Allen went over to see Nicole
When we heard a knock at the door, must have been Ron Gold'
Jumped behind the door, put the orgy on hold
Killed em both and smeared blood in a white Bronco (we did it!)
My mind won't work if my spine don't jerk
I slapped Garth Brooks out of his Rhinestone shirt
I'm not a player just a I'll rhyme sayer
That'll spray an Aerosol can up at the ozone layer (psssssssh)
My rap style's warped, I'm runnin out the morgue
Witcha dead grandmother's corpse to throw it on your porch
Jumped in a Chickenhawk cartoon with a cape on
And beat up Foghorn Leghorn with an acorn
I'm bout as normal as Norman Bates, with deformative traits
A premature birth that was four minutes late
Mother... are you there? I love you
I never meant to hit you over the head with that shovel
Will someone explain to my brain that I just severed
A main vein with a chainsaw and I'm in pain?
I take a breather and sighed; either I'm high, or I'm nuts
Cause if you ain't tiltin this room, neither am I
So when you see your mom with a thermometer shoved in her ass
Then it probably is obvious I got it on with her
Cause when I drop this solo shit it's over with
I bought Cage's tape, opened it, and dubbed over it

I came to the club drunk with a fake ID
Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me!
I've been with 10 women who got HIV
Now don't you wanna grow up to be just like me!
I got genital warts and it burns when I pee
Don't you wanna grow up to be just like me!
I tie a rope around my penis and jump from a tree
You probably wanna grow up to be just like me!

[Eminem:]
This is for all the ladies out there...

[singing: Eminem]
I never meant to...
Give you Mushrooms giiiiiirl, [laughing]
I never meant to...
Bring you to my wooooorld. [applausing]
And now you're lying [applausing] [laughing]
In the corner... cry-y-y-yiiiiiing.

[applausing] [ovation]

[Eminem does the voices of all characters in the song]

[G] Eminem as Susan (the girl)
[D] Eminem as Dave
[J] Eminem as John
[R] Eminem as Ron

[Chorus: x2]

I never meant to give you mushrooms girl
I never meant to bring you to my world
Now you sitting in the corner crying
And now it's my fault my fault

[Eminem]
I went to John's rave with Ron and Dave
And met a new wave blonde babe with half of her head shaved
A nurse aid who came to get laid and tied up
With first aid tape and raped on the first date
Susan - an ex-manic depressive who just moved from Houston
Who love booze and alternative music (Whattup?)
Told me she was starvin, I said it wasn't a problem (Nah!)
I got a coupon for this pizza with everything on it
We can double the mushrooms and minus the sausage
[G] I'm allergic to fungus
Come on Sue, that's nonsense
Who's at the door? Pizza man!
Who ordered pizza? Wasn't it yours? Nuh uh
[G] If you got it with double mushrooms on it then I don't want it
Shutup Susan I'll pick em off it
Oh hell, I might as well try it, I'll be alright
Susan you just swallowed the wrong slice!

[Chorus: 1st repeat Em says "I'm sorry! " at the end 2nd repeat same as original Chorus]

"Yo Sue! "
[G] Get away from me, I don't know you
Oh shoot, she's tripping...
[G] I need to go puke! (Bleahh!)
I wasn't tryin to turn this into somethin major
I just wanted to make you appreciate flavor
Susan, stop cryin, I don't hate ya
I'm sorry your father used to chase you and spank you with hangers
So what they locked you in the attic in your dad's house?
That ain't no reason to start wiggin and spaz out
She said,
[G] Help me I think I'm havin a seisure!
I said, "You're breaking out in hives, let go of the pizza! "
"Would you put it down you're startin to scare me"
She said,
[G] I'm twenty-six years old and I'm not married
I don't even have any kids and I can't cook
(Hello!) I'm over here Sue, (hi) you're talkin to the plant, look!
We need to get to a hospital 'fore it's too late
Cause I never seen no-one eat as many shrooms as you ate

[Chorus: 1st repeat Em says "Whoops! " after first line and "It was an accident! " at the end 2nd repeat same as original Chorus]

Susan (wait!) Where you goin? You better be careful
[G] Leave me alone dad, I'm sick of gettin my hair pulled
I'm not your dad, quit tryin to swallow your tongue
Want some gum? Put down the scissors, 'fore you do somethin dumb
I'll be right back just chill baby please?
I gotta go find Dave he majored in allergies
"John, where's Dave at before I bash you? "
[J] He's in the bathroom; I think he's takin a crap dude!
"Dave! Pull up your pants, we need an ambulance
There's a girl upstairs talkin to plants
Choppin her hair off, and there's only two days left
Of Spring Break, how long do these things take to wear off? "
[D] Well it depends on how many pieces she ate
Just one, with double mushrooms by mistake
Now she's upstairs cryin out her eyeballs, breaking out in hives"
[D] She's gonna die dude
"I know and it's my fault! "
[D] My god!

[Chorus: 1st repeat Em says "I'm sorry! " after second line and "What do I do? " at the end 2nd repeat same as original Chorus]

My God, I'm so sorry!
I'm so sorry! Susan please wake up!
Please! Please wake up! What are you doing? !
You're not dead! You're NOT dead!
I know you're not dead!

[Ken Kaniff:] I'm gonna call this motherf*cker. Oh f*ck yeah! Give him a piece of mind. A piece of my ass.
[Operator:] Thank you for waiting. Hello, may I help you?
[Ken Kaniff:] Oh, thank you. I need to make a collect call.
[Operator:] What number?
[Ken Kaniff:] Oh the number is xx6-2xxx
[Operator:] At the tone, please say your name.
[Ken Kaniff:] Kenneth Kaniff, from Connecticut. Automated piece of shit.
[Eminem:] Yo!
[Ken Kaniff:] Hey there, cock boy.
[Eminem:] Who's this?
[Ken Kaniff:] This is Ken Kaniff.
[Eminem:] Who?
[Ken Kaniff:] Ken Kaniff from Connecticut, you little bitch.
[Eminem:] From Connecticut?
[Ken Kaniff:] Yeah, you wanna get a...
[Eminem:] I don't know nobody in Connecticut.
[Ken Kaniff:] Yeah, you wanna get a hotel room with me?
[Eminem:] A hotel room?
[Ken Kaniff:] Yeah, you want me to lick your ass, EMINEM?
[Eminem:] Yo! Wh-wh-who is this, Cage?
[Ken Kaniff:] You want me to f*ckin' melt in your mouth and not in your hand? Melt in your ass you little cock boy.
[Eminem:] Hahaha! Yo, shut up you little bitch.
[Ken Kaniff:] Oh, you think I'm lying, huh?
[Eminem:] Hahahahahaha!

[Girl]
Hmm-hmm-hmhmhmmhm... ahhh, whooooo! Shit
[Em]
Yo, mic check
Testing one, two, um... twelve
(whattup whattup whattup... Outsidaz)
[Em]
This is my dance song (Outsidaz)
Can you hear me?
(Rah Digga, Pacewon, Young Zee)
[Em]
Aight, ay turn my headphones up
(bust it bust it)

[Eminem]
My favoite color is red, like the blood shed
From Kurt Cobain's head, when he shot himself dead
Women all grabbin at my shishkabob
Bought Lauryn Hill's tape so her kids could starve
(I can't stand white people!)
You thought I was livid, now I'm even more so
Shit I got full blown AIDS and a sore throat
I got a wardrobe with an orange robe [wolf whistle]
I'm in the fourth row, signin autographs at your show
(Yo can you sign this right here?)
I just remembered that I'm absent minded
Wait, I mean I've lost my mind, I can't find it
I'm freestylin every verse that I spit
Cause I don't even remember the words to my shit (umm, one two)
I told the doc I need a change in sickness
And gave a girl herpes in exchange for syphilis
Put my LP on your Christmas gift list
You wanna get high, here bitch just sniff this

Cum on everybody - get down tonight [x8]

[Eminem]
Yo... yo yo yo yo
I tried suicide once and I'll try it again
That's why I write songs where I die at the end
Cause I don't give a f*ck, like my middle finger was stuck
And I was wavin it at everybody screamin, "I suck" (I SUCK!)
I go on stage in front of a sellout crowd
And yell out loud, "All y'all get the hell out now"
F*ck rap, I'm givin it up y'all, I'm sorry
(But Eminem this is your record release party!)
I'm bored out of my gourd - so I took a hammer
And nailed my foot to the floorboard of my Ford
Guess I'm just a sick sick bastard
Who's one sandwich short of a picnic basket (I ain't got it all)
One Excederin tablet short of a full medicine cabinet
I feel like my head has been shredded like lettuce and cabbage
(ohhhhhhh) And if you ever see a video for this shit
I'll probably be dressed up like a mummy with my wrists slit

Cum on everybody - get down tonight [x8]

[Eminem]
Got bitches on my jock out in East Detroit
Cause they think that I'm a motherf*ckin Beastie Boy [wolf whistle]
So I told em I was Mike D
They was like, "Gee I don't know, he might be! "
I told em, "Meet me at Kid Rock's next concert
I'll be standin by the Loch Ness Monster (okay) peace out (bye!)"
Then I jetted to the weed house
Smoked out til I started bustin freestyles
Broke out then I dipped quick back to the crib, put on lipstick
Crushed up the Tylenol and ate it with a dipstick [slurping]
Made a couple of crank calls collect [brrrrrrring, click]
"Ken Kaniff from Connecticut, can you accept? "
I wanna make songs all the fellas dub
And murder every rich rapper that I'm jealous of
So just remember when I bomb your set
Yo, I only cuss to make your mom upset

Cum on everybody - get down tonight [x20]

Ayo, this song is dedicated to all the happy people
All the happy people who have real nice lives
And have no idea what it's like to be broke as f*ck

I feel like I'm walkin' a tight rope without a circus net
Poppin' Percocet, I'm a nervous wreck
I deserve respect but I work a sweat for this worthless check
I'm about to burst this Tec at somebody to reverse this debt
Minimum wage got my adrenaline caged
Full of venom and rage, especially when I'm engaged
And my daughter's down to her last diaper, it's got my ass hyper
I pray that God answers, maybe I'll ask nicer
Watchin' ballers while they're flossin' in their Pathfinders
These overnight stars becomin' autograph-signers
We all long to blow up and leave the past behind us
Along with the small fries and average half-pinters
But player-haters turnin' bitch like they have vaginas
'Cause we see them dollar signs and let the cash blind us
Money'll brainwash you and leave your ass mindless
When snakes slither in the grass spineless

That's rock bottom, when this life makes you mad enough to kill
That's rock bottom, when you want something bad enough to steal
That's rock bottom, when you feel like you've had it up to here
'Cause you mad enough to scream but you're sad enough to tear

That's rock bottom, when this life makes you mad enough to kill
That's rock bottom, when you want something bad enough to steal
That's rock bottom, when you feel like you've had it up to here
'Cause you mad enough to scream but you're sad enough to tear

My life is full of empty promises and broken dreams
I'm hopin' things look up, but there ain't no job openings
I feel discouraged, hungry and malnourished
Livin' in this house with no furnace, unfurnished
And I'm sick of workin' dead-end jobs with lame pay
And I'm tired of being hired and fired the same day
But f*ck it, if you know the rules to the game, play
'Cause when we die we know we all goin' the same way
'Cause it's cool to be player, but it sucks to be the fan
When all you need is bucks to be the man, plus a luxury sedan
I'm comfortable and roomy in a 6
But they threw me in the mix with all these gloomy lunatics
Who walk around depressed and smoke a pound of cess a day
And yesterday went by so quick it seems like it was just today
My daughter wants to throw the ball but I'm too stressed to play
Live half a life and throw the rest away

That's rock bottom, when this life makes you mad enough to kill
That's rock bottom, when you want something bad enough to steal
That's rock bottom, when you feel like you've had it up to here
'Cause you mad enough to scream but you're sad enough to tear

That's rock bottom, when this life makes you mad enough to kill
That's rock bottom, when you want something bad enough to steal
That's rock bottom, when you feel like you've had it up to here
'Cause you mad enough to scream but you're sad enough to tear

There's people that love me and people that hate me
But it's the evil that made me this backstabbin', deceitful and shady
I want the money, the women, the fortune and fame
If it means I end up burnin' in hell, scorchin' in flames
If it means I'm stealin' your checkbook and forgin' your name
This lifetime bliss for eternal torture and pain
'Cause right now, I feel like just hit the rock bottom
I've got problems, now everybody on my block's got em
I'm screaming like them two cops when 2Pac shot em
Holding 2 Glocks, hope your doors got new locks on em
My daughter's feet ain't got no shoes or socks on em
And them rings you wearin' look like they got a few rocks on em
And while you flaunt em I could be takin' em to shops to pawn em
I got a couple of rings and a brand-new watch, you want em?
'Cause I ain't never went gold off one song
I'm runnin' up on someone's lawn with guns drawn

That's rock bottom, when this life makes you mad enough to kill
That's rock bottom, when you want something bad enough to steal
That's rock bottom, when you feel like you've had it up to here
'Cause you mad enough to scream but you're sad enough to tear

That's rock bottom, when this life makes you mad enough to kill
That's rock bottom, when you want something bad enough to steal
That's rock bottom, when you feel like you've had it up to here
'Cause you mad enough to scream but you're sad enough to tear

Whoa!
A get your hands in the air, and get to clappin 'em
And like, back and forth because ah
This is, what you thought it wasn't
It beez, the brothers representin' the Dirty Dozen
I be the F-R-O the double G
And check out the man he goes by the name of er

Slim Shady, brain dead like Jim Brady
I'm a M-eighty, you Little like that Kim lady
I'm buzzin', Dirty Dozen, naughty rotten rhymer
Cursin' at you players worse than Marty Schottenheimer
You wacker than the motherf*cker you bit your style from
You ain't gonna sell two copies if you press a double album
Admit it, f*ck it, while we comin' out in the open
I'm doin' acid, crack, smack, coke and smokin' dope then
My name is Marshall Mathers, I'm an alcoholic (Hi Marshall)
I have a disease and they don't know what to call it
Better hide your wallet cause I'm comin' up quick to strip your cash
Bought a ticket to your concert just to come and whip your ass
Bitch, I'm comin' out swingin', so fast it'll make your eyes spin
You gettin' knocked the f*ck out like Mike Tyson
The Proof is in the puddin', just ask the Deshaun Holton
I'll slit your motherf*ckin throat worse than Ron Goldman

So when you see me on your block with two glocks
Screamin', "F*ck the world," like 2pac
I just don't give a f*ck!
Talkin' that shit behind my back, dirty mackin'
Tellin' your boys that I'm on crack
I just don't give a f*ck!
So put my tape back on the rack
Go run and tell your friends my shit is wack
I just don't give a f*ck!
But see me on the street and duck
'Cause you gon' get stuck, stoned, and snuffed
'Cause I just don't give a f*ck!

I'm Nicer than Pete, but I'm on a search to crush a milk bone
I'm Everlasting, I melt Vanilla Ice like silicone
I'm ill enough to just straight up dis you for no reason
I'm colder than snow season when it's twenty below freezin'
Flavor with no seasonin', this is the sneak preview
I'll dis your magazine and still won't get a weak review
I'll make your freak leave you, smell the Folgers crystals
This is a lyrical combat, gentlemen hold your pistols
But I form like Voltron and blast you with my shoulder missiles
Slim Shady, Eminem was the old initials (Bye-bye!)
Extortion, snortin', supportin' abortion
Pathological liar, blowin' shit out of proportion
The looniest, zaniest, spontaneous, sporadic
Impulsive thinker, compulsive drinker, addict
Half animal, half man
Dumpin' your dead body inside of a f*ckin' trash can
With more holes than an Afghan

So when you see me on your block with two glocks
Screamin', "F*ck the world," like 2pac
I just don't give a f*ck!
Talkin' that shit behind my back, dirty mackin'
Tellin' your boys that I'm on crack
I just don't give a f*ck!
So put my tape back on the rack
Go run and tell your friends my shit is wack
I just don't give a f*ck!
But see me on the street and duck
'Cause you fittin' to get stuck, stoned, and snuffed
'Cause I just don't give a f*ck!

Somebody let me out this limousine (hey, let me out!)
I'm a caged demon, on stage screamin' like Rage Against the Machine
I'm convinced I'm a fiend, shootin' up while this record is spinnin'
Clinically brain dead, I don't need a second opinion
F*ck droppin' the jewel, I'm flippin' the sacred treasure
I'll bite your motherf*ckin' style, just to make it fresher
I can't take the pressure, I'm sick of bitches
Sick of naggin' bosses bitchin' while I'm washin' dishes
In school I never said much, too busy havin' a headrush
Doin' too much rush had my face flushed like red blush
Then I went to Jim Beam, that's when my face grayed
Went to gym in eighth grade, raped the women's swim team
Don't take me for a joke I'm no comedian
Too many mental problems got me snortin' coke and smokin' weed again
I'm goin' up over the curb, drivin' on the median
Finally made it home, but I don't got the key to get in

So when you see me on your block with two glocks
Screamin', "F*ck the world," like 2pac
I just don't give a f*ck!
Talkin' that shit behind my back, dirty mackin'
Tellin' your boys that I'm on crack
I just don't give a f*ck!
So put my tape back on the rack
Go run and tell your friends my shit is wack
I just don't give a f*ck!
But see me on the street and duck
'Cause you fittin' to get stuck, stoned, and snuffed
'Cause I just don't give a f*ck!

(Shit, f*ck everyone)
Outsiders
Pace one
Young Zee (f*ck the entire world)

Jeff Bass as Roger
Royce Da 5'9'' as Skyler

[Roger:] Skylar Montgomery?
[Skyler:] What do you want from me Roger?
[Roger:] I know it was you all along messing around with my dear Veronica.
[Skyler:] Wait a minute. You hold it right there. Me and that woman love each other.
[Roger:] Love? What do you know of love?
[Skyler:] ½We were destined to be together. I met her on the beach...
[Roger:] "Are you out to destroy me?
[Skyler:] No, Roger. That's not what I want to do. I love her! And we're gonna be together, never.

[Chorus: x2]

I don't know why this world keep turning
Round and Round
But I wish it would stop, and let me off right now

Yes man
As the World Turns
We all experience things in life
Trials and Tribulations
That we all must go through
When someone wants to test us
When someone tries our patience

[Eminem]
I hang with a bunch of hippies
And wacky tobacco planters
Who swallow lit roaches
And light up like jack-o-lanterns
Outsiders baby, and we suing the courts
Cause we're dope as f*ck and only get a 2 in the source
They never should've booted me out of reform school
Deformed fool, takin a shit in a warm pool
They threw me out the Ramada Inn
I said it wasn't me, I got a twin (Oh my god it's you! Not again!)
It all started when my mother took my bike away
Cause I murdered my guinea pig and stuck him in the microwave
After that, It was straight to the 40 ouncers
Slappin teachers, and jackin off in front of my counselors
Class clown freshman, dressed like Les Nessman
F*ck the next lesson, I'll past the test guessin
And all the other kids said Eminem's a dishead,
He'll never last, the only class he'll pass is phys ed
May be true, till I told this bitch in gym class
That she was too fat to swim laps, she needed Slim Fast (Who Me?)
Yeah bitch you so big you walked into big Tanny's and stepped on Jenny Craig
She picked me up to snap me like a skinny twig
Put me in the headlock, then I thought of my guinea pig
I felt the evilness and started transformin (RARRRR!)
It began storming, I heard a bunch of cheering fans swarming
Grabbed that bitch by her hair
Drug her across the ground
And took her up to the highest diving board and tossed her down
Sorry coach, it's too late to tell me stop
While I drop this bitch face down and watch her belly flop

[Chorus]

As the World Turns
These are the days of our lives
These are the things that we must go through
Day by day

[Eminem]
We drive around in million dollar sports cars
While little kids hide this tape from their parents like bad report cards
Outsiders, and we suing the courts
Cause we dope as f*ck and only get a 2 in The Source
Hypercondriac, hanging out at the laundromat
Where all the raunchy fat white trashy blondes be at
Dressed like a sailor, standin by a pale of garbage
It's almost dark and I'm still tryna nail a trailor park bitch
I met a slut and said "What up, it's nice to meet ya"
I'd like to treat ya to a Faygo and a slice of pizza
But I'm broke as f*ck and I don't get paid till the first of next month
But if you care to join me, I was bout to roll this next blunt
But I ain't got no weed, no phillies, or no papers
Plus I'm a rapist and a repeated prison escapist
So gimme all your money
And don't try nothin funny
Cause you know your stinkin ass is too fat to try to outrun me
I went to grab my gun
That's when her ass put it on me
With an uppercut and hit me with a basket of laundry
I fell through the glass doors
Started causin a scene
Then slid across the floor and flew right into a washin machine
Jumped up with a broken back
Thank god I was smokin crack all day
And doped up off coke and smack
All I wanted to do was rape the bitch and snatch her purse
Now I wanna kill her
But so I gotta catch her first
Ran through Rally's parkin lot and took a shortcut
Saw the house she ran up in
And shot her f*ckin porch up
Kicked the door down to murder this divorced slut
Looked around the room
That's when I seen the bedroom door shut
I know you're in there bitch! I got my gun cocked!
You might as well come out now
She said "Come in, it's unlocked! "
I walked in and all I smelled was Liz Claiborne
And seen her spread across the bed naked watchin gay porn
She said "Come her big boy, let's get acquainted"
I turned around to run, twisted my ankle and sprained it
She came at me at full speed, nothin could stop her
I shot her five times and every bullet bounced off her
I started to beg "No, please let go"
But she swallowed my f*ckin leg whole like an egg roll
With one leg left, now I'm hoppin around crippled
I grabbed my pocket knife and sliced off her right nipple
Just trying to buy me some time, then I remembered this magic trick
Den Den Den Den Den Den, Go go gadget dick!
Whipped that shit out, and ain't no doubt about it
It hit the ground and caused an earthquake and power outage
I shouted "Now bitch, let's see who gets the best! "
Stuffed that shit in crooked and f*cked that fat slut to death (Ahh! Ahhh!)
Come here bitch!
Come here!
Take this motherf*ckin dick!
Bitch, come here!

[Chorus to fade]

And as we go along
Throughout the days of our lives
We all face small obstacles and challenges everyday
That we must go through
These are the things that surround us through our atmosphere
Every day
Every single day the world keeps turning

[Eminem]
Who came through with two glocks to terrorize your borough (huh?)
Told you how to slap dicks and murder your girl (I did!)
Gave you all the finger and told you to sit and twirl
Sold a billion tapes and still screamed, "F*ck the world! "
(I'm Slim Shady...) so come and kill me while my name's hot
And shoot me twenty-five times in the same spot (Ow!)
I think I got a generation brainwashed
To pop pills and smoke pot til they brains rot (uhh-oh)
Stop they blood flow until they veins clot
I need a pain shot, and a shot of plain scotch
Purple haze and acid raindrops
Spike the punch at the party and drink pop (gulp gulp)
Shaved my armpits and wore a tank top
Bad Boy, I told you that I can't stop
You gotta make em fear you 'fore you make em feel you
So everybody buy my shit or I'm a come and kill you

I got mushrooms, I got acid, I got tabs and aspirin tablets
I'm your brother when you need, some good weed to set you free
You know me, I'm your friend, when you need a minithin
(I'm Slim Shady...) I'm Shady!

[Eminem]
I like happy things, I'm really calm and peaceful (uh-huh huh)
I like birds, bees, I like people
I like funny things that make me happy and gleeful (hehehe)
Like when my teacher sucked my wee-wee in preschool (Woo!)
The I'll type, I stab myself with a steel spike
While I blow my brain out, just to see what it feels like
Cause this is how I am in real life (mm-hmm)
I don't want to just die a normal death, I wanna be killed twice (uh-huh)
How you gonna scare somebody with a gun threat
When they high off of drugs they haven't even done yet (Huh?)
So bring the money by tonight - cause your wife
Said this the biggest knife she ever saw in her life (Help me! Help me!)
I try to keep it positive and play it cool
Shoot up the playground and tell the kids to stay in school (Stay in school!)
Cause I'm the one they can relate to and look up to better
Tonight I think I'll write my biggest fan a f*ck you letter

I got mushrooms, I got acid, I got tabs and aspirin tablets
I'm your brother when you need, some good weed to set you free
You know me, I'm your friend, when you need a minithin
(I'm Slim Shady...) I'm Shady!

[Eminem]
Yo... I listen to your demo tape and act like I don't like it
(Aww that shit is wack!)
Six months later you hear your lyrics on my shit
(What? That's my shit!)
People don't buy shit no more they just dub it
That's why I'm still broke and had the number one club hit (Yup, uh huh)
But they love it when you make your business public
So f*ck it, I've got herpes while we on the subject (uh-huh)
And if I told you I had AIDS y'all would play it
Cause you stupid motherf*ckers think I'm playin when I say it
- Well, I do take pills, don't do speed
Don't do crack (uh-uhh) don't do coke, I do smoke weed (uh-huh)
Don't do smack, I do do shrooms, do drink beer (yup)
I just wanna make a few things clear
My baby mama's not dead (uh-uhh) she's still alive and bitchin (yup)
And I don't have herpes, my dick's just itchin
It's not syphilis, and as for being AIDS infested
I don't know yet, I'm too scared to get tested

I got mushrooms, I got acid, I got tabs and aspirin tablets
I'm your brother when you need, some good weed to set you free
You know me, I'm your friend, when you need a minithin
(I'm Slim Shady...) I'm Shady!
(Ha hah-ha, ha! Ha hah, hah...) I told you I was Shady!
(Ha hah-ha, hah-ha! Ha hah, hah-ha, hah-ha, hah-ha)
Y'all didn't wanna believe me!
I'm Shady!
... And that's my name

I reckon you ain't familiar with these here parts
You know, there's a story behind that there saloon
Twenty years ago, two outlaws took this whole town over
Sheriffs couldn't stop 'em
Quickest damn gun slingers I've ever seen
Got murdered in cold blood
That old saloon there was their lil' home away from home
They say the ghosts of bad and evil still live in that tavern
And on a quiet night
You can still hear the footsteps of Slim Shady and Royce Da 5'9"

I don't speak, I float in the air wrapped in a sheet
I'm not a real person, I'm a ghost trapped in a beat
I translate when my voice is read through a seismograph
And the noise is spread, picked up and transmitted through Royce's head (uh)
Trapped him in his room, possess him and hoist his bed
'Til the evilness flows through his blood like poisonous lead
Told him each one of his boys is dead (oh)
I asked him to come to the dark side, he made a choice and said

Yo, who hard? Yo, I done heard worse
We can get in two cars and accelerate at each other
To see which one will swerve first
Two blind bandits panic, whose mental capacity holds
That of a globe, on top of nine other planets
Kissed the cheek of the devil
Intelligence level is hellier than treble peakin' on speakers in the ghetto
Dismissal, I'm not a fair man, disgraced the race of an atheist
Intercepting missiles with my bare hands like a patriot
One track sliced without swords, I buried the Christ corpse
In my past life when the black knight mounted the white horse
And stay over-worked, it's like the Nazis and the Nations
Collaborating, attemptin' to take over the earth

'Cause this is what happens when Bad meets Evil
We hit the trees 'til we look like Vietnamese people
He's evil, and I'm bad like Steve Seagal
Above the law 'cause I don't agree with police either
(Shit, me neither)
We ain't eager to be legal
So please leave me with the keys to your Jeep Eagle
I breathe ether in three lethal amounts
While I stab myself in the knee with a diseased needle (ah)
Releasin' rage on anybody in squeezing range
Cold enough to make the seasons change into freezing rain (he's insane)
No I'm not, I just want to shoot up and I'm pissed off
'Cause I can't find a decent vein

The disaster with dreads
I'm bad enough to commit suicide and survive long enough
To kill my soul after I'm dead
When in danger, it's funny, actually my flavor's similar to a waiter
'Cause I serve any stranger with money
I spray a hundred, men until they joint chains
While slippin' bullets at point blank range like they was punches
Piss on a flag and burn it, murder you then come to your funeral
Service lobby and strangle your body to confirm it
Whippin' human ass, throwin' blows, crackin' jaws
With my fists wrapped in gauze, dipped in glue and glass
I'm blazin' MC's, at the same time amazin' MC's
Somehow MC's ain't that eye-brow raisin' to me
From all of angles of us, flash a MAC loud enough to cast a avalanche
And bust 'til volcanoes erupt

Hello? (Billy)
Ayo, what's up? (We're comin' to get you)
Stop, they know it's us

I used to be a loudmouth, remember me? (Uh-huh)
I'm the one who burned your house down (oh)
Well, I'm out now (shit)
And this time I'm comin' back to blow your house up
And I ain't gon' leave you a window to jump out of
Give me two fat tabs and three shrooms
And you won't see me like fat people in steam rooms
And when I go to hell and I'm gettin' ready to leave
I'ma put air in a bag and charge people to breathe

'Cause this is what happens when Bad meets Evil
And we hit the trees 'til we look like Vietnamese people
He's evil, and I'm bad like Steve Seagal
Against peaceful, see you in hell for the sequel

(We'll be waitin')
See you in hell (uh-huh)
Wall Street (yup)
Royce Da 5'9", Slim Shady (uh)
See you in hell for the sequel (bye-bye)
Bad meets Evil, what? (Until next time)

And so, that's the story of when Bad meets Evil
Two of the most wanted individuals in the county
Made Jesse James and Billy the Kid look like law-abiding citizens
It's too bad they had to go out the way they did
Got shot in the back comin' out of that old saloon
But their spirits still live on to this day
Shh, wait, did y'all hear that?

[Eminem]
A lot of people ask me... am I afraid of death...
Hell yeah I'm afraid of death
I don't want to die yet
A lot of people think... that I worship the devil...
That I do all types of... retarded shit
Look, I can't change the way I think
And I can't change the way I am
But if I offended you? Good
Cause I still don't give a f*ck

I'm zonin off of one joint, stoppin a limo
Hopped in the window, shoppin a demo at gunpoint
A lyricist without a clue, what year is this?
F*ck a needle, here's a sword, bodypierce with this
Livin amuk, never givin a f*ck
Gimme the keys I'm drunk, and I've never driven a truck
But I smoke dope in a cab
I'll stab you with the sharpest knife I can grab
Come back the next week and re-open your scab (YEAH!)
A killer instinct runs in the blood
Emptyin full clips and buryin guns in the mud
I've calmed down now - I was heavy once into drugs
I could walk around straight for two months with a buzz
My brain's gone, my soul's worn and my spirit is torn
The rest of my body's still bein operated on
I'm ducked the f*ck down while I'm writin this rhyme
Cause I'm probably gonna get struck with lightnin this time

[Chorus:]

For all the weed that I've smoked - yo this blunt's for you
To all the people I've offended - yeah f*ck you too!
To all the friends I used to have - yo I miss my past
But the rest of you assholes can KISS MY ASS
For all the drugs that I've done - yo I'm still gon' do
To all the people I've offended - yeah f*ck you too!
For everytime I reminisce - yo I miss my past
But I still don't give a f*ck, y'all can KISS MY ASS

[Eminem]
I walked into a gunfight with a knife to kill you
And cut you so fast when your blood spilled it was still blue
I'll hang you til you dangle and chain you with both ankles
And pull you apart from both angles
I wanna crush your skull til your brains leaks out of your veins
And bust open like broken water mains
So tell Saddam not to bother with makin another bomb
Cause I'm crushin the whole world in my palm
Got your girl on my arm and I'm armed with a firearm
So big my entire arm is a giant firebomb
Buy your mom a shirt with a Slim Shady iron-on
And the pants to match ("Here momma try em on")
I get imaginative with a mouth full of adjectives,
A brain full of adverbs, and a box full of laxatives
(Shittin on rappers) Causin hospital accidents
God help me before I commit some irresponsible acts again

[Chorus]

[Eminem]
I wanted an album so rugged nobody could touch it
Spend a million a track and went over my budget (Ohh shit!)
Now how in the f*ck am I supposed to get out of debt?
I can't rap anymore - I just murdered the alphabet
Drug sickness got me doin some bugged twitches
I'm withdrawn from crack so bad my blood itches
I don't rap to get the women - f*ck bitches
Give me a fat slut that cooks and does dishes
Never ran with a click - I'm a posse
Kamikaze, strappin a motherf*ckin bomb across me
From the second I was born, my momma lost me
I'm a cross between Manson, Esham and Ozzy
I don't know why the f*ck I'm here in the first place
My worst day on this earth was my first birthday
Retarded? What did that nurse say? Brain damage?
F*ck, I was born during the earthquake

[Chorus]