You hate picking me up when I'm drunk |I get a dirty look and you don't ask if I had fun |You never have an extra cord for me to charge my phone |God forbid I need a McRib on my way home ||Why can't you be like my Uber driver?|Ain't got nothing to say about my all-nighters |He don't mind if I ugly cry|Or if all my friends need a ride |Yeah why can't you be like my Uber driver?||I can get ‘religicul', political, critical of how he drives |And he'll still wanna hear my life story just one more time|He's always right where he says he's gonna be |And hell if you could do that, I'd let ya start charging me ||Why can't you be like my Uber driver?|Ain't got nothing to say about my all-nighters |He don't act like he wants to choke me|When I sing backseat karaoke |Yeah why can't you be like my Uber driver?||(solo)||If I tell him he has to wait |He says “that's fine, that's okay†|Why can't you be?|Yeah why can't you be?|Oh why can't you be like my Uber driver?