Heathers The Musical - Big Fun Lyrics

RAM
Dad says "Act your age."
You heard it man, it's time to rage!

ALL
Blast the bass, turn out the light

HEATHERS
Ain't nobody home tonight!

RAM
Drink, smoke, it's all cool.
Let's get naked in my pool!

ALL
Punch the wall and start a fight!
Ain't nobody home tonight!

KURT
His folks got a waterbed.
Come upstairs and rest your head.

RAM
Let's rub each other's backs
while watching porn on Cinemax!

CHANDLER, KURT, RAM, KIDS
The folks are gone,
it's time for big fun! Big fun!
We're up till dawn
having some big fun! Big fun!
When mom and dad forget
to lock the liquor cabinet,
it's big fun! Big fun!

VERONICA
So wait, it's lime, then salt, then shot?

HEATHER MCNAMARA
No, salt, then -

HEATHER CHANDLER
You're doing it wrong!

VERONICA
Really? 'Cause I feel great.

PREPPY STUD
Veronica, you're looking good tonight!

VERONICA
Whoa.
A hot guy smiled at me,
without a trace of mockery!

ALL BUT VERONICA
Everyone's high as a kite,
ain't nobody home tonight!

VERONICA
Stoned. Zoned. I should quit...
Hey, is that weed? I want a hit.

ALL BUT VERONICA
Fill that joint and roll it tight,
ain't nobody home tonight!

VERONICA
Dreams are coming true
when people laugh but not at you!
I'm not alone! I'm not afraid!
I feel like Bono at Live Aid!

ALL
The house is ours,
it's time for big fun!
Big fun!
Let's use their showers,
that sounds like
big fun! Big fun!
Crack open one more case!

(VERONICA observes couple making out)

VERONICA
I that that's what they call
"third base."

ALL
Big fun! Big fun! Big fun!

VERONICA
That actually looks like -

ALL
Big fun! Big fun! Big fun!

(KURT holds up a pig pinata with a sign that says "Jefferson Razorbacks")

KURT
All right, people! What is Westerberg gonna do to the Razorbacks at Sunday's game?

(RAM mimes sex with the pinata)

RAM
Gonna make 'em go
Whee! Whee! Whee! Whee!

ALL
Big fun! Big fun!

HEATHER DUKE
Way to show maturity!

ALL
Big fun! Big fun!

(RAM grabs HEATHER by the hips and does to her what he's been doing to the pinata)

HEATHER DUKE
Quit it jackass, get off of me!

ALL
Big fun! Big fun!

VERONICA
Yo! Ram! Emergency!
I just saw some freshman sneaking over the pool fence!

RAM
I hate freshman! Where are you little pricks? I'm coming for you!...

VERONICA
(to HEATHER DUKE) You okay?

HEATHER DUKE
I didn't need your help.

(HEATHER DUKE gives VERONICA the finger)

VERONICA
Aw, thanks for the finger, Heather, but I don't need to vomit right now.

ALL
The party's hot, hot, hot.
It's time for big fun! Big fun!

KURT
You need a jello shot!

ALL
We're having big fun! Big fun!

(MARTHA arrives at the party)

HEATHER CHANDLER
Martha Dumptruck, in the flesh.

HEATHER DUKE
Here comes the Cootie Squad.
We should -

HEATHER CHANDLER
Shup up, Heather.

HEATHER DUKE
Sorry, Heather.

HEATHER MCNAMARA
Look who's with her -- Oh, my God!

(Points to VERONICA)

ALL THREE HEATHERS
Dang! Dang! Diggety-dang-a-dang!
Dang-dang! Diggety-dang-a-dang!

VERONICA
I can't believe you actually came.

MARTHA
It's exciting, right? Excuse me, I want to say hello to Ram. I brought sparkling cider.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Showing up here took some guts.
Time to rip them out.

(HEATHER DUKE holds up the pig pinata)

HEATHER DUKE
Well, who's this pig remind you of?
Especially the snout.

HEATHER CHANDLER
Hah!

ALL THREE HEATHERS
Dang, dang, diggety-dang-a-dang!
Dang, dang, diggety-dang-a-dang!

(THE HEATHERS exit with the pinata, MARTHA approaches RAM)

RAM
Where the hell are those freshman?

MARTHA
Hi, Ram. I wasn't gonna come, but since you took the time to write that sweet note...

(Hands RAM the sparkling cider)

RAM
What note? Why d'you gotta be so weird all the time? People wouldn't hate you so much if you acted normal.

(Chugs and spits the cider)

There's no alcohol in here!
Are you trying to poison me?

KIDS
Dang, dang, diggety-dang-a-dang (x3)
Diggety-dang-a-dang!
The folks are gone,
it's time for big fun! Big fun!
We're up till dawn
having some big fun! Big fun!
So let the speakers blow,
they'll buy another stereo.
Our folks got no clue
'bout all the sh*t their children do.
Why are they surprised?
Whenever we're unsupervised,
it's big fun! Big fun!
Big fun! Big fun! Big fun! Whooo!