[ Featuring Pirates ]
PATCHY
Let me begin with a hearty ho-ho
And a tale that nobody tells well
I've not come all the way from In-C-I-N-O
To be treated like sewage that smells
Now I'm certainly not that surprised
For this story is older than time
Me peg-legged pirate bretheren and I
Are society's slug-ridden slime
We've all been cast out as scallywag rogues
With fire in our beards and our eyes
There's a side to us pirates that nobody knows
And it's soft as a baby's backside
Some of us just want adventures
We only seek wind in our earrings
We are we constantly misunderstood?
Don't ya know pirates have feelings?
ALL
Poor pirates, p-o-o-r
Poor pirates, p-o-o-r
Poor pirates
Can't deny this simple truth
Poor pirates, p-o-o-are
People too (too)
PATCHY
"Nice harmonies, mateys!"
PIRATES
[CHEERING]
PATCHY
Think of how hard we have had it (so hard)
'Bout our ships there is not much to eat (not much to eat)
And dentists hate pirate insurance (yo-ho, no!)
ALL
Which is why we've so many gold teeth (we've too many gold teeth)
PATCHY
Laundry stays damp and me boots start to sink
And me fingernails filthy and dirty
The internet loads unbelievably slow
ALL
And we bedtimes are at seven thirty
Poor pirates, p-o-o-r, p-o-o-r
Poor pirates, p-o-o-r, p-o-o-r
Poor pirates
Can't deny this simple truth
We're poor pirates, p-o-o-r, p-o-o-r
Poor pirates, p-o-o-r, p-o-o-r
Poor pirates
Have it so much worser than you
PIRATE
We've got pirate parades to which nobody comes
PIRATE
Captain Kidd hosts a marathon but nobody runs
PIRATE
Long John Silver invented the bloomin' onion
PIRATE
But d'you think he gets credit for that?
ALL
No!
PIRATE
Captain Bombum, no one knows his first name
PIRATE
And Old Greenbeard's been driven completely insane
PIRATE
Hardly anyone celebrates our one holiday (argggh!)
PIRATE
Talk Like a Pirate Day
ALL
We are poor pirates, p-o-o-r
Poor pirates, p-o-o-r
Poor pirates
Can't deny this simple truth
Can't deny that we're poor (pirates are people too!)
Poor pirates, p-o-o-r
Poor pirates, p-o-o-r
Poor pirates
Can't deny this simple truth
That pirates p-o-o-are
People too
Yo-ho! Ha!