JD the Junior - Johnny's Story Pt. IV (Jsiv) [Outro] Lyrics

So many thoughts I could put on this paper
They say that they love you but know that they hate me
Really I'm hating the fact that you hate me
Cause I could of hated but never did say it
I Could have left and never did skated
I'm reaching a point almost nothing can faze me
I been so tired, it's driving me crazy
But I cannot sleep, I'm just plotting and planning
All of my homies, had weddings and babies
But I'm in the studio, making these payments
Just finish payments, on all of my cases
Dropped out of college, but built a foundation
Took on the streets, but my partners betrayed me
I could have died for some people I'm saving
I took an L but I'm man enough to say it
And he could have killed me but that be so crazy
He go to jail, ain't nobody going see him
I would have died over something not needed
Now it's two families crying and pleading
We do not know who was right or got even
Really I'm thinking about starting a family
I'm seeing this girl I think I should marry
But my insecurities show that I'm damaged
We have a kid then I promise to cherish you
Love I got for you, there is no comparison
Life make you sick, I will give you the medicine
Only love you and your mother that carried you
Even though rappers they get such a narrative
I'm about to break all the rules and comparisons
Might go to jail, might even die for you
Nobody proud of you, just know I'm proud of you
Always will love you don't let them put doubt on you
If you this color, you see every obstacle
If you know God, ain't nobody that's stopping you
I need to chill but this pain is too heavy, if I die now then I won't get to say it
Thought I wouldn't make it, we already made it
Then I went so broke and that pain really changed me
Then I took the game and I hulk smash and break it
Now things that I lusted, no longer amaze me
Standing with God, but been talking to Satan
He want my soul, but I won't let him take it
I try to get it, but God said be patient
When it don't work out, I start overthinking
When I do that, I start smoking and drinking
Write down my pain, cause I really can't say it
Caught me a charge, But I'm glad that I made it
Hopped in the whip and I went down Atlanta
Got in that crash, down in North Carolina
In and Out court, while I'm losing these dollars
Paying off lawyers to fix every problem
Still tell my partners, they know that I got em
Still tell my brother he know that I love him
Still tell my parents, I love em, I'm sorry
And first I was lost in my soul then I found it
Then kevin died and it knocked me off balance
Now got to finish, we just getting started
I take the beat and kill all these verses
Don't go to church but this music my service
I keep it real, I don't lie in my sermon
And first I was drowning then I got the surfing
And first I was lazy, but now get the working
And first wasn't worth it but now I'm worth it
I made it work, even when it wasn't working
I made It perfect, but no I'm not perfect
Made it this far and I'm about to go further
I'm making noise, even when they ain't heard it
Numb to the pain, even though it be hurting
Open for business, till they close my curtains
I'm knowing they hate it, I'm knowing I earned it