[ Featuring Deb Conrad ]
When I was a young man, I bought me a guitar
Top was Sitka spruce, with rosewood sides and back
You swiped it from my dwelling with some pennies in a jar
And I still owed the bank and they won't cut me no slack
You know stealing is a lame-ass lazy crime
I don't appreciate you taking what was mine
While I'm putting in the hours some guy's ripping me off blind
Stealing such a lame-ass lazy crime
Joy was scouring Craigslist, to find just what she needed
A sofa for her porch, so she could visit with her neighbors
While she was eating dinner, you stealthily succeeded
In pilfering the hard earned fruits of her labors
You know stealing is a lame-ass lazy crime
I don't appreciate you taking what was mine
While I'm putting in the hours some guy's ripping me off blind
Stealing such a lame-ass lazy crime
Ernie used be a Hippie, but now he wears a suit
He had a bleeding heart and a ponytail of gray
His porch fridge offered up, free vegetables and fruit
Until some donkey anus hauled his Frigidaire away
You know stealing is a lame-ass lazy crime
I don't appreciate you taking what was mine
While I'm putting in the hours some guy's ripping me off blind
Stealing such a lame-ass lazy crime
Stealing is a Lame-ass lazy Crime
