Jon Lajoie - F**K Everything Lyrics

Yo
All the rappers claim to not give a f*ck
Well, step aside bitches
'Cause I give the lowest amount of f*ck humanly possible
What?

(I don't a give a f*ck)
About anything, f*ck everyone and f*ck everything, what?
(I don't give a f*ck)
I literally don't give a f*ck about anything

I don't give a f*ck about motherf*ckin' anything
People care about shit, I say, "F*ck everything"
F*ck you, f*ck me, f*ck the sky, f*ck trees, f*ck the sun
I don't need heat or vitamin D
And f*ck toasters, I don't need to cook my bread
And f*ck coasters, I use a little plate instead
And f*ck roosters, with their useless "cockadoodledoo"
We invented alarm clocks, we no longer need you
Don't give a f*ck about chairs, I prefer to stand
And f*ck air conditioners, I got a ceiling fan
And f*ck the the movie the fan, starring Wesley Snipes
"Demolition man"'s the only snipes movie I liked
And f*ck liking shit, I don't even like the stuff that I like
Don't give a f*ck about not liking all the shit I don't like
Like tissues, f*ck them, I blow my nose on the couch
And f*ck my nostrils and my sense of smell, I breathe through my mouth
Don't give a f*ck about seeing bitch, f*ck my eyes
F*ck visual perception, yo, I'd rather be blind
F*ck time, seconds are too short and minutes are a joke
And hours are way too long, they should be half an hour at most
And f*ck coasts, who gives a f*ck about where water meets land
And f*ck boats, just because you float you think you're so f*cking bad
And f*ck jokes, I don't need to be funny all the time
My dog has a tumor and he's probably gonna die, but

(I don't a give a f*ck)
About anything, f*ck everyone and f*ck everything, what?
(I don't give a f*ck)
I literally don't give a f*ck about anything

Walked into a coffee shop and ordered a cup
The girl says, "Small, medium, large?"
I say, "Bitch I don't give a f*ck"
She said, "I can't process your order if you don't pick a size"
I said, "Fine, I'll take a large, but I still don't give a f*ck, alright?"
Don't give a f*ck about beverage size options, motherf*cker
And I don't give a f*ck about liquids either
They're all wet and shit and tend to spill all over the place
Like human semen when I get it all over my face
I'm not gay, I just don't give a f*ck about straight sex
And f*ck my dick, I'll pee and cum out of my mouth instead
F*ck biological functions, f*ck the human body
I prefer the body of a bat with the head of a coyote
I call myself "batyote" and I fight crime at night
I know its similar to Batman but motherf*ck copyright
I plagiarize all the time, I do it everyday
'Cause I'm on the right track, baby, I was born this way
And f*ck birth, entering the world of space and time is a bitch
Searching for purpose in the random universe sucks dick
Is it deterministic or am I free to choose my way?
Did I choose to not give a f*ck about ice cube trays?
If I want ice I'll go to the f*cking corner store and buy a bag
Filling you up and waiting for the water to freeze is a motherf*cking drag
You know what? F*ck the word f*ck, I don't need to use it
I'll replace it with the word chainsaw for this chorus

(I don't a give a chainsaw)
About anything, chainsaw everyone and chainsaw everything, what?
(I don't give a chainsaw)
I literally don't give a chainsaw about anything

If there was a contest to see who doesn't give a f*ck the most
I wouldn't win cause I don't give a f*ck about winning, yo
I don't even give a f*ck about not giving a f*ck
So I do give a f*ck wait, what?

(I give a f*ck)
About everything, I love everyone and care about everything, what?
(I give a f*ck)
I literally care about every motherf*cking thing