Lil Dicky - Ex-Boyfriend Lyrics

Ey what's going on man?
It's your boy Lil Dicky
A.K.A Mr. Left-ward sloping penis
I got a story for y'all man
Peep this
Yessir

[Verse 1: Lil Dicky]
Now I been datin this girl named Katie, she hot as hell
And her body crazy, vagina shaven and it don't smell
And I don't fall for chickens
But this one a little different
Body sickening,
Plus she really good at making breaded chicken
Got me thinkin she the one man
Even fully clothed, shawty really fun man
Get a lotta hoes, but none of those come close
I swear this the most that I've felt so damn exposedddd
Oh yeah there's one more thing
And I know this shit gonna sound insane
But I still haven't hit it
I admit it, I wish I was kidding
Never been up inside before
Because shes only f*cked one guy before
And though I really wanna boink this whore
She ma sweetie 3.14
So I'm stayin patient, and masterbating,
And now ma heart is sorta racing
Cause she said tonight will be the night we do some fornicating
Hell yeah, I'm down, I'm bout to go all out
I'm gonna pound that crazy, like an elaborate black man handshake
But on the way to crib, we pass this kid,
And he seem to know who Katie is
So I say "who this" and she say
Dicky, this is my ex boyfriend Jim"

[Hook 1: Lil Dicky]
And I ain't usually the one to be the jealous type
But as I'm lookin at this dude I can't believe my eyes
Cause he's the best looking guy that I've seen in my whole life
He's got the thickest head of hair, chiseled jaw, an egregious bod
Man this the closest thing I've seen to a Grecian God
And now I'm lookin at ma chick, cause his dick's been inside her rawww

[Verse 2: Lil Dicky]
Awww damn
Man this is crazy
I can't believe this guy used to f*ck ma lady
I bet he left that pussy ravaged like Haiti
Katie's huggin and squeezing his shoulder blades
And I'm buggin and queasy, this ain't okay
And then they say, "let's get drinks" so I say okay
Even though I was about to get laid!
Man this maf*cka look like Ashton
Combined with a lil Hugh Jackman
In other words, he's so damn attractive
So damn tan he gotta have a little black in him
Now I'm in the back with him, sippin on some 'gnac with him
And he payin for it all, he investment bankin...
I'm acting, like I ain't distracted
But I'm reenacting him and Katie bangin
And now I'm feelin pissed, so I go and take a piss
Mid stream, I look left and guess who it is
And I had to see, and I was mad discrete
And I got on my tippy toes and I took a little peek
Oh my God becky, look at that cock

[Hook 2: Lil Dicky]
And I ain't usually the one to be the jealous type
But as I'm lookin at his dick, I can't believe me eyes
Because he's got the biggest cock that I've seen in my whole life
And now I'm starin at this dude's soft dick with a lotta hate
Because the shit is plus 8 like Jon and Kate
And I don't know if I can date ma girl after tonighttttt

Aw damn

[Verse 3: Lil Dicky]
I don't know what to do
Dude's dick is really huge
I didn't realize a penis could be so smooth
I know she's missin that
My penis isn't that
I'm lookin closer I think that his dick has abs
Six pack on a dick
Now what the f*ck is that
It's so long and thick
It's like a punching bag
I'm sayin it's so shaven, head is amazing
Got ma dick looking like a raisin
Skin tone insane, man he's hung like Saddam Hussein, it's crazy
What the f*ck should I do?
He gotta Ruth's Chris dick, and mine's a drive thru...
I think it's time to
Tell Katie ma goodbyes
Cause I simply can't survive
After seeing what was in between his thighs
So I tell her

[Hook 3: Lil Dicky]
That this dude's gotta dick that I don't comprehend
I had to move ma neck to see it end to end
I mean the physics of his dick just don't make any sense
And I think it's for the best if this comes to an end
Because the sex with him must have been the best
And I would say let's just be friends
But I think I would just think about his dick all the time, so goodbye
Then she told me Dicky I don't really know what to say
Because I dated this dude in second grade
So I don't know about his dick, now let's go home and get you laid

And then I took her to ma crib, and you know that we belly slapped
And I gave her an O like I was selling crack, and when I came
I pulled out and nutted all over her left thigh
And upper mid-section region
You can call that the pelvis
Some would even call that the pubic bone
Leave the pubes at home
Making this up on the spot
F*ck you know about it
I'm about to go paper-mache my own dick and ride it